Comments of the Week: June 10 – 17

GIVEAWAY GIVEAWAY GIVEAWAY! Can you believe it, FilmDrunkards? I’ve got TWO, count them, TWO Blu-Rays to give away for the comments of the week winners this week, and both for movies I actually liked. That never happens. (By the way, I still have FilmDrunk Shirts left in a couple sizes if you haven’t gotten one yet). But before we get to your winners, first, your weekly weirdo. Because sometimes, the people disgusted by our comedic circle jerk are even more comedic than the circle jerk itself.

From Lou Ferrigno Still Thinks He’s the Actual Hulk:

Sabretruthtiger says: You do realise that he’s actually a bodybuilder don’t you? Naturally the poses he strikes are to show his muscles which he astutely realises is what generates interest about him. He’s not a retard, he knows he’s not actually a radiation-activated, genetically mutated, morphing giant green superhero. Besides, you look at him now compared to Arnie the globalist sycophant. one of them is a psychopath that helped the central banking scum destroy California and is a saggy, weak, out of shape ex bodybuilder and one is a massive, in shape well-respected in shape, in shape, massive strong dude (did I mention one of them is in shape?) Try and pick which is which.

Sabretruthtiger says: Just because the rest of you insects will be saggy bags of bones by his age and are no where near his fitness level even now, there’s no need to vent your inferiority complex.

Yes, we were totally jealous of his awesome buffness. That’s the only explanation. Does anyone else get the feeling this guy puts a lot of emphasis on being in shape?

Anyway, now for the winners. Tough choice this week, but I’m going with Marshall Fox in Isaac Newton to Become an Action Hero:

Marshall Fox:
“Dammit, ‘Zac! If you think I’m gonna allow this…this…algebraic expansion of your POWERS–!”

“It’s called the Binomial Theorem, Chief.”

“I don’t care if it’s a Bisexual Quorum, ya long-haired smartass! –I’m not gonna take you acting like a loose canon!”

“A cannon’s only effective because of the Third Law…MY law! So you can sit there on your calculating ass proving inertia all you want…but I’ve gotta get moving!”

“That’s it, YOU’RE OFF THE SI UNIT FOR FORCE! –I want your resignation TODAY… AND YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR QUILL AND PRISM ON MY DESK RIGHT NOW!”

Well done. Beautifully written Isaac-Newton-as-a-brash-young-cop. Being a liberal arts major, I understood a couple of words in there.

AND, for the other winner, I chose Nussy in Twilight Fan Names Her Cat Renesmee, Cat Rightly Tries to Kill Her:

Nussy: If only the cat was spayed it wouldn’t have attacked them? Talk about an abstinence parable!

Bra-vo. So send me your addresses, Nussy and Marshall Fox. Yer gettin’ a Blu-Ray!

Now for the honorable mentions. From Jury Deliberates 2 Hours, Awards Stephen Baldwin 0 Dollars:

Rich Mahogany: “Mr Baldwin, your closing statement?”

“JUST GIMME THE F*CKIN’ MONEY YOU F*CKIN’ COCKS*CKER MOTHERF*CKER BLAARRRGGHHH”

It’s true, I always forget Stephen Baldwin was in The Usual Suspects.

From Henry Hill, subject of Goodfellas, dead at 69:

GutsandTalent:
“Had a heart attack?
F*ck you. Pay me.”

From Twilight cat attack:

Burnsy: F*ck, she’s married? *throws roses in the trash*

Immortal 9: This segment would be a lot better if they played Cat Scratch Fever in the background.

Alchoholics Gratuitous: Who calls themselves the victim of a cat attack?

Chocolate Bear: Me, but I was sexually assaulted by Cat Stevens in the early 80′s.

From The New Spider-Man is Some Kind of Hipster Bully:

Moose: Nice baggy shorts, fag. Is that so you can carry your ukelele in there? Ooooh, that’s right, you don’t even own a ukulele. (*flips scarf*) Ha! What a fagg*t!

And while we’re being offensive… From Idris Elba is here to pick up your space daughter.

silance: In space, no one can hear your space daughter scream.

Moose: He probably loves Robot Chicken.

And finally, from The First Picture of Renesmee (the Twilight character, not the killer cat named after the Twilight character).

Dingus:
Renesmee sounds like someone from Oklahoma wanted to start a lingerie company and tried to give it a French-sounding name.
Even if someone tried, the locals would just start calling it “Freedom Underwear”.

I prefer “Freedom Panties,” but like where your head’s at. Last but not least, I’d like to repost the winner of our Danny Trejo Photoshop contest, because this was amazing:

As always, nominate your favorite comments in the comments section below for next week.

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