Transformers 4 Will Feature All New Actors, Says Fergie’s Husband

Transformers 4 is a long way away. Like, at least one bodybuilding movie starring Marky Mark and The Rock away (standard unit of Hollywood measurement). BUT, some details are start to leak out, namely that almost all of the non-CGI stars of the film will be replaced. In an interview with E!, actor Josh Duhamel shed some light on the situation:

“I don’t think anybody’s doing it,” he said. “I know Shia [LaBoeuf]’s not doing it. I don’t think Tyrese or Rosie [Huntington-Whiteley] or anybody else is doing it.”

Naturally, Duhamel isn’t surprised Paramount is moving ahead with a sequel considering the first three installments made a whole ton of cash. “Whenever these movies make that much money they’re going to make as many as they can,” he said. “[But] I haven’t heard anything about it. They haven’t called me.” [Movies.com]

First of all, I love how he phrased that. “Nobody’s doing it. None of those guys. And they haven’t called me.” Like, implying he might do it if they did call him. CLASSIC DUHAMEL! Always playing both sides. Savvy, that guy. Second, of course they’re doing this. They can throw in half a dozen rubes who just fell off the turnip truck, pay them $1.50, and it will still make $400 million as long as a bunch of stuff blows up and a city or two is leveled. That’s the formula.

To be honest, I kind of hope Michael Bay doesn’t even replace them with new people. I think you see what I’m getting at here: ALL ROBOTS. MANY WHO ARE OFFENSIVE CARICATURES OF MINORITY GROUPS. NO PLOT. WALL-TO-WALL EXPLOSIONS AND ROBOT WRESTLING. ONE SEXY ROBOT WITH HUGE BOOBS. THE FINAL SCENE TAKES PLACE IN ROME. A ROBOT IN A SOMBRERO VAPORIZES THE COLOSSEUM. THE REAL ONE. BECAUSE F-CK IT. BOOM.

It will be Michael Bay’s masterwork.