(“What a coincidence, I’m a twee intellectual!”)

Hey, gang, here’s a new segment in which I review movies you might see on an airplane.  Because that’s where I saw them, get it?  And just in time for the holidays, right?  I thought so.  Anyway, this is longer and more thorough than the rape jokes you’re used to, so consider yourself warned.

Marc Webb is a pretty damn good director, there’s no question about that.  Every shot is artfully done and well executed, and there are some memorable scenes — namely, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s song and dance number set to Hall & Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True”, after he lays pipe on Zooey Deschanel for the first time.  The scene is sort of a microcosm of Webb’s style: it’s kind of cheating, because that’s a catchy-ass song (and Webb relies heavily on catchy-ass songs in almost every scene); but it’s fun and it looks great.  Much as I despise musicals, I might like them if people could do them more like this scene.  The number makes sense in the context of the story, the music is good, and no one makes that horrible, awful, very bad musical theatre fake smile like the Legally Blonde Billboard I wanted to dynamite for two years.

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500 Days of Summer has a new trailer out, and amazingly, they made it look like something I’d want to see.  Funny how replacing mom pants and a scene blatantly ripped from Garden State (and might I add it was the worst scene) will do that to a trailer.  Now we’ve got an anal sex joke, Hall & Oates, and my all-time favorite, the record-scratch sound effect.  A record scratch says WHOA, STOP THE PARTY, CHEECH, THIS STORY ISN’T PLAYING OUT HOW I’D PLANNED!  YOU’VE SUBVERTED MY EXPECTATIONS AGAIN, YOU CRAZY KIDS! OH NO, HIJINKS!

Zooey Deschanel is really hot.  She’d be even hotter if she didn’t dress like sex was something she read about in the New Yorker.

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This one’s called “Fuzzy Fuzzy Cute Cute,” and it comes from the same guy as “Hamster on a Piano” and “Cat Flushing a Toilet.”  I don’t know how it took me so long to figure this out, but they’re all written by Parry Gripp, the guy from Nerf Herder – a band whose songs include “Fight for Your Right to Masturbate” and “I’ve Got a Boner for Christmas”, and who I’ve been listening to way longer than any of you, you f*ckin poseurs.

Pac Man in real life. I like how they keep splicing in footage from the video game, in case you didn’t get the reference. [CollegeHumor]

Bruno gets an R rating.  See you idiots?  Didn’t Nikki Finke tell you this would happen all along? From now on, just shut up and listen to what she says, she’s the smartest person in the world, you know.  [NikkeFinke]

The Ultimate Butter Face Test.  I think I’ve played this before.  To pass it, you have to drink four beers. [HolyTaco]

New Harry Potter trailer.  I would’ve posted it here, but I’m sick of summarizing the plot. [ScreenJunkies]

Teaser Trailer for $quid.  The main character owes money to a giant squid, you see. [QuietEarth]

New set pic from The Rum Diary. [LiveforFilm]

Official 500 Days of Summer poster.  Tons of pictures of Zooey Deschanel – not a bad strategy.  Way to steal my Trapper Keeper’s shtick, by the way. [below, via FirstShowing]

As far as I can tell, this video wasn’t meant to be funny or movie related. But by putting hipster love story music over it, the videomaker has made me reimagine the whole thing as the trailer for a heartwarming indie film.  I keep waiting for Charley to fall in love with Zooey Deschanel.  Also: it’s funnier if you imagine Charley wearing hipster galoshes the whole time.  Oh god I can’t stop queefing.

Because felines are normally agile, you see.

[thanks to sick bastard Burnsy for the tip]

After the jump, I’ve got the new trailer for Zooey Deschanel/Joseph Gordon-Levitt rom-dramedy 500 Days of Summer, and no matter how many glowing reviews I read, certain things about it just make me wonder what the hell they were thinking.  The beginning of the trailer, for instance, with Zooey wearing those godawful mom pants (oh my God, it’s so hip and edgy how ugly you can make yourself look!), and on top of it, she and Levitt have to have a conversation about their mutual love of the Smiths.  HEY, DIDN’T THIS EXACT SCENE ALREADY HAPPEN IN GARDEN STATE?  Oh, nevermind, that was THE SHINS. MY MISTAKE.  Ugh….
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