After the jump, I’ve got the latest, full-length trailer for You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.  The film was written by Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog) and Judd Apatow – both of whom I respect to a certain degree – but I’m not sure it’s even possible to come up with an idea stupider than this.

I made fun of Semi-Pro, but at least it looked like a real movie (albeit one we’ve already seen a couple times).  This looks like the trailer for a fake movie that would be playing on a TV in Semi Pro.

HAHAHA, He’ll Blow You, get it?  See what I did there? I used double entendre to change the meaning of something.

Gosh, you might even say I’m as clever as the people who actually write movie poster taglines.  Let’s review:

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan: "He’ll Blow You Away"
The Heartbreak Kid: "Love Blows"
Good Luck Chuck: "Love Blows"
The Love Guru: His Karma is Huge [Ed. Note: WTF?]
Meet the Spartans: "The bigger the hit, the harder they fall." [Ed. Note: Grammar are hard]
Semi Pro: "Afro-disiac" / "The Greatest ‘Fro on Earth"
Step Up 2: "It’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re at" [Ed. Note: I guarantee that went through five drafts before they got the your/you're thing figured out]
The Eye: "You won’t believe her eyes" [or her acting] [boosh]
Made of Honor: "An unbridaled comedy"

Oh my God, so clever I want to blow a guy for a dollar!  Wait, I meant explode.  No wait, I meant shit my pants.  Crap, nevermind, I suck at this. 

Everyone knows Adam Sandler movies make a bajillion dollars no matter how shitty they are.  What this movie presupposes is, maybe they shouldn’t?

Watch the trailer for You Don’t Mess With the Zohan here

You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (God that’s annoying to type) will finally answer the eternal question: If Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow write an Adam Sandler movie, does it still suck? Judging by the trailer, I’m going to say… yes.  Sorry, guys.

I was hoping there might be some combination of the comedic minds behind it that would be greater than the sum of its parts.  But mostly it looks like Judd Apatow’s love of Jew fros integrated with Adam Sandler’s love of pretending he can beat people up.  Plus, he does a funny accent.  That’s always fun, right?  It’ll be like Borat without the subversiveness!  (sigh) 

As I reported a couple days ago when two stuntmen received burn injuries on the set*, Adam Sandler is shooting a movie called You Don’t Mess With the Zohan about an Israeli Mossad agent who fakes his death to become a hair stylist.

It’s got Adam Sandler (presumably as Zohan), Rob Schneider, and… Mariah Carey.  The script was written by Sandler, Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), and Judd Apatow. 

With Apatow and Smigel involved, I was hoping that this would be Adam Sandler’s return to comedy form (and it’s a loooong way back after his last few movies). But with Mariah Carey involved I realize that just isn’t possible.  I know she’s got big tits and all, but she’s 37, she’s not an actress, and she probably demands to have her hair washed with endangered caviar and baby seal blood or whatever (suffering = shiny).

In any case, you have to question the decision-making process there.  I’d sooner wear crocs and a sombrero (and nothing else) to my mother’s funeral than cast Mariah Carey in my movie.  And take a dump in the casket.   

^{*When someone burns himself, I find that yelling “Ahh, what a burn!” never gets old.}