Seriously though, this is the guy.

I rip on Variety from time-to-time, but credit where credit’s due, there’s no way I could improve upon this lead:

Chinese performance artist Zhao Bandi, best known for using panda images in his art, including clothes designs for panda prostitutes and panda concubines, is suing DreamWorks in a Beijing court, demanding an apology from the Hollywood studio for "Kung Fu Panda’s" depiction of China’s national symbol.

And I always though pandas were uninterested in sex!  *tap tap shuffle shuffle*

Zhao, who likes to carry a stuffed panda around with him and whose art is all based on pandas, says the fact that Po’s father in the film is a duck is an insult to all Chinese and also the panda’s eyes are green, which is an evil color. 

"Designing the panda with green eyes is a conspiracy. A panda with green eyes has the feeling of evil. I have studied oil painting, and we would never use green eyes to describe a kind-hearted figure. So I ask them to open their creative meeting records of this film and explain why the green eyes?"

As a green-eyed American, I always thought it was slanted eyes that denoted evil.  Wait, what? 

"Next, why is the panda’s father is a duck? Many foreigners think the giant panda is not just China’s symbol, but also the Chinese people’s symbol. Drawing the father of the giant panda as a duck is an insult to the Chinese people. In a few years time, I’m worried some young Chinese people will think their ancestor is Donald Duck," Zhao said.

Too bad it couldn’t be Scrooge McDuck instead, that fucker was rich.   

Zhao said he’s not seeking any money; he just wants an apology from the filmmakers. He said Beijing Chaoyang District People’s Court had formally accepted his lawsuit, and he wrote on his blog that the decision by the court to proceed with his case showed that he was about more than just mere publicity stunts.

In conclusion, you should be very impressed that I went this entire post without a single “Me no rikey” joke.