For the second weekend in a row, all the critically-acclaimed award-season movies like The Wrestler, Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, Frost/Nixon, etc. played on a few screens in the major markets while the rest of the country was stuck with Yes Man and Seven Pounds.  Yes Man was crowned cream of the crap in this Toilet Bowl, landing in the top spot with $2 million more than Seven Pounds.  Meanwhile The Wrestler played to just four screens, averaging $52,369 per.  And this is why they think “smart” movies can’t open big.

In limited release, Mickey Rourke‘s acclaimed drama “The Wrestler” had a heavyweight debut, taking in $209,474 in just four theaters for a whopping average of $52,369. By comparison, “Yes Man” played in 3,434 theaters and averaged $5,288 per theater, while “Seven Pounds” opened in 2,758 and averaged $5,801 per theater. The No. 3 film “The Tale of Despereaux” played in 3,104 theaters and grabbed $3,385 per venue. [Yahoo]

Also opening big: your mom.  She averages about $6.50 per venue, which includes everything from the backseat of a Ford Fiesta to the benches at the abandoned bus shelter. (full top ten after the jump)

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^{Carrey has a prophetic vision whilst high on angel dust}

Here’s a look at what’s opening this week!  And by ‘a look’ I mean personal observations wherein I don’t decribe the actual movies at all!  Enjoy!

Yes Man
To quote anonymous tip guy, “the whole movie is funny because he says yes to everything, even like drinking a bunch of Red Bull, which is really funny because he talks really fast just like when people drink a lot of Red Bull. He also does a bunch of things like guitar lessons and stuff.”

Seven Pounds
What’s this movie about, the dump I just took?   *looks around for high five*  On a serious note, I have zero interest in this.  I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out why, and I think it’s that it looks like it’s trying really hard to be serious and moving, but it’s impossible for me to imagine someone as boring as Will Smith ever being part of something profound.  I also run into that age-old paradox of things that are “life affirming” making me want to blow my brains out.  …Oops.  Hey! Dick joke, everyone!

Tale of Despereaux
I think they really missed an opportunity by not calling it “Tail of Despereaux.”  Because he’s a f-cking mouse, get it????????  Bleaux me.

The Wrestler
Aka Watch Clay Face Win the Oscar. I really want to see this.  Too bad it’s only playing in New York and LA and I’m in Fresno.  Don’t feel too sorry for me though, the IHOP here is the motherf-cking shizniziznizit.  Which reminds me, BRING ME SOME MORE COFFEE, YOU FAT F-CKING LOSERS! DON’T YOU KNOW I’M FROM NEW YORK CITY?!

Movie blogs get a lot of emails about “anonymous tips,” and most of the time not only are they not true, they’re pretty lame.  Meanwhile, a recent tipster to RopeofSilicon claimed, among other things, that WB is planning a sequel to Yes Man, with Jim Carrey.  Not big news in and of itself, but I think you have to admire the guy (or gal)’s style:

Hey there, just got word that an early WB screening went very well and everyone at Warner is very excited for this flick. So excited they have apparently put together an idea for the sequel. I was in the screening and Jim Carrey was there too and he was part of the pitch along with screenwriter Nicholas Stoller and director Peyton Reed who all seemed really excited about their idea.

At the end of Yes Man Jim Carrey’s character is told to kill himself sort of like a dare, but the person that tells him doesn’t know he is saying “Yes” to everything so when Jim steps in front of a bus and dies it is really shocking but also really funny. I mean, the whole movie is funny because he says yes to everything, even like drinking a bunch of Red Bull, which is really funny because he talks really fast just like when people drink a lot of Red Bull. He also does a bunch of things like guitar lessons and stuff.

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The other night I sent Chodin to an advance screening in L.A. and he came back talking about how good it was.  And I was all like, “Wait, you’re saying a new comedy with Jim Carrey was actually good???”  And he was all like, “No, dumbass, not Yes Man, the screening was for I Love You, Man, with Paul Rudd!”  And I was all like, “OMG, that makes so much more sense now!”

Boy, we had a pretty good laugh about that one.  Anyway, here’s the new trailer for Yes Man.
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I originally posted this trailer last week, but the studio had it taken down.  But now it’s back!  Hooray for making me write about the same thing twice!

Yes Man is supposedly Jim Carrey’s return to comedy.  Only problem is, he seems terribly uncomfortable, like he’s only temporarily submitting to comedy in a let’s-break-out-the-old-tap-shoes-for-grandma sort of way, rather than actually committing or enjoying himself.  But hey, there’s no one I’d rather watch go through the motions.  He was Ace Ventura!