On May 1st, SEAL Team 6 famously dropped into Pakistan, shot Osama, and left before anyone there even knew what was going on like total badasses, which I celebrated by putting on my stars and stripes speedo and shooting pistols in the air like Yosemite Sam while playing My Country ‘Tis of Thee on the Jew’s Harp. Operation Neptune Spear in Abbottobad seemed like a slam dunk for a movie adaptation, which is why people were scrambling to put one together pretty much literally the day after it happened. Apparently they scrambled too fast, because now it has Cam Gigandet in it.

Anson Mount, Cam Gigandet, Freddy Rodriguez and Bill Fichtner round out of the cast of “Code Name: Geronimo,” John Stockwell’s [Turistas, Blue Crush] actioner about Osama bin Laden’s killing.
Mount stars as an agile and assured member [hee hee, 'agile member'!] of SEAL Team Six. Kathleen Robertson is portraying an eager CIA case officer dedicated to her job. Geronimo was the code name for the operation that sent two teams of Navy SEALs into Pakistan to hunt and kill bin Laden.

Here’s the explanation for the contradictory operation names, in case you’re interested.

Shooting began this week in New Mexico.
Others cast as SEALS are Robert Knepper, Xzibit and Kenneth Miller while Fichtner, Robertson and Eddie Kaye Thomas are playing the CIA officers. [variety]

This is yet another sad attempt by liberal Hollywood to minimize the awesomeness of shooting a terrorist in the face by casting a dog-faced gollum as one of the heroes. You wouldn’t cast that big-toothed kid from Super 8 as Martin Luther King, would you? No. This is terrible. Cam Gigandet should only be allowed to play the villain in breakdance movies.

Meanwhile, reached for comment, Xzibit said, “Yo, dawg, we should cast Seal as a SEAL so we can croon while we platoon. We can compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey while we helicopter into Pakistan on raid. We ain’t never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.”

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(*BRAAAAAAAAHM*)

Just a quick one before I get into some more of my Comic-Con stuff.

(*BRAAAAAAAAAHM*)

This is an infographic timeline of the climax scene in Inception, created by Dehahs at DeviantArt.  I thought it was pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay… neat.  It seems to be accurate, as far as I can tell.  That movie kind of hurt my brain, to be honest with you.  All I know is that if Stephenie Meyer had written Inception, Cobb would’ve gone three dreams deep and lived in limbo for 100 years, then come back as an old soul and fallen in love with 16-year-old Ellen Page, who acts sullen and heartburny and doesn’t f*ck him until the third sequel.  But the dreams… so glittery.

Oh, and here’s another sweet Inception thingie someone sent me.  The Xzibit meme is still cool, right?  You guys?  Hey, and what’s the deal with these cats?  Why are they so obsessed with cheeseburgers?

I think the Xzhibit meme just imploded on itself and tore a hole in space-time

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS:

• See Josh aka Punté interview America’s most dedicated athletes: the pole dancers. |WithLeather|
• Tiger Woods vs. Jesse James in “Who Philandered Better?”  |WithLeather|
• 10 Awesomely Disastrous Follow-Up Albums. |Uproxx|
• Meet Baby T-Rex bot as he scares the crap out of Japanese TV hosts. |GammaSquad|
• “Duck teaches crippled child to walk.” |WarmingGlow|
• Watch Undercover Boss teach CEO’s that hey, maybe I don’t deserve to earn 400 times what my employees are making, one morally bankrupt a-hole at a time. |InsideTV|
• My new favorite Tumblr, Michael Buble being stalked by a velociraptor. |Urlesque|
• Proof that “Explosions in the Sky” makes everything better. |Pajiba|
• Gigabots: Giant robots vs. Monsters. |Atom|
• Apps on iPads will be totally awesome. Will it make up for the fact that it’s still an iPhone that’s too big to carry and doesn’t make calls? |FListed|
• Alpaca Point Break. |G4|
• 25 bounce houses that put your mom’s titties to shame. |HolyTaco|

Hello my name is Twilight and I am a Dracula. He learned his grasp of the English language from reading Stephenie Meyer. (thanks to Osky for the tip)  Below: A clown video you won’t be able to unsee.

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ACHTUNG!  Jawohl, Werner Herzog here.

Das ist za new traila for mein new movie, Bad Lieutenant.  First, I varn you.  Zees movie I make, ees not for eweryone.  I do not make zees movie for bouncing, rosy-cheeked boy oont girl whose laughter burns mein ears like za morning sunlight burns mein skin.  Zees movie, ees not meant for cheeldwen, housevifes, zee elderly, or Juden.  Mein movie, I make for zose who haff vorked as lockpicks, bouncers een sex clubs, fluffers at rave parties, deesgruntled dildo merchant — za true poets uff za vorld!  Za hero uff mein movie ist ein policeman, who start off wholesome, like disgusting rule-folloving bubi scout.  Zen one day, za policeman meet Xzibit.  Zen he take za drugs, zen he take za whores, zen murder, zen iguanas — he begin to live like za true poet!

Oont I choose for mein lead role za horrible forehead monster, Neekolas Cage.  Because ven I look eento za eye uff za Cage monster, I see only blackness, zee cold eendifference uff true poetry.  I vould say to him, “Release za pigs!”  Oont za Cage monster vould shout, “YES, MEIN FÜHRER!”  A true soldier. Oont ven za producers come, viss their herbal teas oont yoga classes, zey tell me, “But Verner, ve are sad, for ziss movie haff too many iguana.”  Zo I tell zem, zees sniveling urine-pants, zat eef zey take mein iguana, I vould cut off mein nose oont mail it to za pope, for zat ees poetry.  Oont za Cage monster, it agrees. I train za Cage monster to luff zee iguana. Zen za producer, he decide he vill let me haff mein iguana, because he fear for za Cage monster.  Oont zees, zees ees za most important sing you vill ever learn about za movie business.

[via Yahoo]

“TWO John Leguizamos? “

The recent electronic press kit for Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (trailer here) is out.  In it, Werner Herzog says:

“When you look at America at this time, in a way it felt right: do the darkest film imaginable,” [...]
“I’m someone who has no idea what drugs do to you [Ed. - make your films more funny, for one thing],” he said regarding the film’s excessive drug use. “So I had to ask the writer [Ed.- who is, Werner added, "a huuuge basehead"] and more competent people, ‘what does it do to you?’ So I had to be advised. In a way I don’t really care that much.” [...] ”I’ve never seen a film with excessive use of drugs, I do not see that many films” [theplaylist]

You’re missing out, Herzog.  I see films with an excessive use of drugs all the time.  I mean, I have to. Ever tried watching The Spirit while sober?  Can’t be done.  There’s another quote I’ll place below because it might be a spoiler.  Also below are the first photos from the set (most of them courtesy of Collider).  I especially liked this one of Werner with the director of photography.  I dare you to trash his lights.

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