John Cena has a new movie coming out, and in a shocking turn of events, it’s being made by Fox.  Oh I know, I was as surprised as you are.  This time he plays a cop, which is a real stretch from his last role as a marine in… uh, The Marine.  In the last movie, terrorists kidnapped his wife and he had to get her back.  This time around, he accidentally kills someone else‘s wife, and as payback, the guy then kidnaps his wife and uses her to forces him into some Saw-like predicaments.  Oh, and did I mention the director is Renny F-ing Harlin (Die Hard 2, Deep Blue Sea, etc?

Jesus, can you imagine the pitch meeting?   “…Okay, okay, so it’s like The Marine… meets wrestling… vs. Saw …multiplied by Deep Blue Sea!”  Much cocaine was consumed, friends, I guarantee it.  And then?  Gun fingaz.

Despite a semi-serious sounding announcement on the red carpet of the SAG Awards, reps for Mickey Rourke are now confirming that he will NOT be wrestling at Wrestlemania.

Paula Woods wrote in an e-mail that the Oscar-nominated actor “will not be participating in Wrestlemania. He is focusing entirely on his acting career.”

And here’s part of the story that I somehow missed the first time around:

Rourke had said he was going to toss Jericho “around the ring like tossed salad.” [Yahoo]

Unless you consider the double entendre, that’s a pretty poorly constructed threat.  I’m gonna tear you down like a torn-down building! Then I’m gonna squash you like a squashed… squash!  I’m assuming he meant it the other way, in which case fake wrestling sounds like it’s gotten a lot sexier since I last watched.

UPDATE If the CNN video below doesn’t work, I’ve attached the YouTube version after the jump.

Following Mickey Rourke’s probably kidding call out of Chris Jericho the other night, Larry King had both guys on his show, and you better believe words were exchanged.

JERICHO:  I think his performance is immaculate and he didn’t make any mistakes, but I think he did make a mistake on the red carpet of the SAG Awards when he mentioned Wrestlemania when he called me out, because if he got his wish, I think the ending of the Jericho-Rourke movie would not turn out so well.

ROURKE: [...] Perhaps I did put my foot in my mouth.  I got nothin but respect for him.  Would I wrestle him?  Well… if it was up to me… no.  Would I box him in a boxing ring or in a bare knuckle match?  Yeah.

JERICHO: I do respect what you did in the movie blah blah blah I don’t respect you.

And then it sort of goes on like that, Jericho acting pissed, Rourke trying to take the high road.  Jericho later added, “OOOH, BROTHER, YA DONE MESSED UP NOW! CUZ NOW I’M GONNA MESS YOU UP REEEEAL GOOD IN FAKE FIGHTIN’!  THAT’S RIGHT, I’M A GONNA PRETEND PIN THE HECK OUTTA YOU! OOOH YEEEAAHH! AND THEN I’M A GONNA HIGHLIGHT MY HAIR, AND TAKE SOME STEROIDS AND MURDER MY FAMILY!!!  ……What, too soon?

Read the rest of this entry »

It appears that Freddie Prinze Jr. has retired from acting, at least temporarily, after… wait for it… landing a gig as a writer for the WWE.  A moment of silence while I light a candle and pop in my Summer Catch DVD, please.

"Bringing on board an experienced Hollywood writer, actor and producer like Freddie Prinze, Jr. will only increase the level of entertainment to millions of viewers and passionate WWE fans every Monday on USA," said Chris McCumber, Executive Vice President, Marketing Digital & Brand Strategy, USA Network. [WWE:Inside]

Prinze has already worked with the WWE as a blogger with their Fan Nation site, and is a reportedly a huge fan of the WWE, which doesn’t surprise me. He’s always seemed like the kind of guy that sleeps in a racecar bed.  They should do a cage match between him and Ryan Seacrest, both in their Spider-Man underwear, winner gets the loser’s Fruit Roll-ups.  Loser has to kiss a girl on the mouth.

Thanks to Burnsy for the tip 

Director Renny Harlin, a man responsible for some of the most awesomely shitty movies in history (including Driven, as seen above, Deep Blue Sea, Cutthroat Island, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Cliffhanger, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane – yup, the Andrew Dice Clay movie, and Die Hard 2, by far the worst Die Hard), is right where he should be – directing a movie with the WWE’s John Cena.

"Story centers on a New Orleans police detective (Cena) whose girlfriend is kidnapped."  Hmm, that reminds me of something…

It’s Cena’s second outing toplining a feature, following 2006′s "The Marine," which is WWE Films’ most successful release so far, earning $22 million worldwide. [Variety]

Oh yeah.  Hey, what was the plot of that again? "Thieves on the run kidnap the wife of a recently discharged marine."  Nice.  But really this post was just an excuse to show you some of Renny Harlin’s greatest hits.  Check them out after the jump – it’s a must see.

Samuel Jackson gives a rousing speech in Deep Blue Sea

Cliffhanger – some of the best Stallone grimaces in history.

Die Hard 2 (Die Harder) – The TV Edit

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane – I can’t imagine why Andrew Dice Clay doesn’t get more work. He’s so convincing.

Cutthroat Island – Just watch the first 40 seconds or so of this. Hey, is that a Masterson brother?

The Marine – not Renny Harlin, still awesomely shitty.

More Die Hard 2 – four minutes and thirty seconds of pure action this time. When I go out, I hope I go out in slow motion like these guys.