I saw this trailer for Bunraku the other day and didn’t really think anything of it, mainly because all I could think was, “DAMN YOU, JOSH HARTNETT! OPEN YOUR DAMNED EYES, YOU’RE GOING TO RUN INTO SOMETHING!”

But GammaSquad was able to squint past the squintiness and reveal the real story: this flaming pile cost $25 million and already played the Toronto Film Festival.  It stars a dreadlocked Ron Perlman, looking very Battlefield Earth, Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson, and Josh Harnett with a cat turd on his lip (maybe that’s why he squints — “Shhh, I think I smell somethin’…”).

In a world with no guns, a mysterious drifter (Hartnett), a young samurai [Gackt], and a bartender (Harrelson) plot revenge against a ruthless leader (Perlman) and his army of thugs of nine diverse and deadly assassins. [GeekTyrant]

I’ve got the trailer below, and it looks less like a movie than a contest to see who can deliver the most self-important monologue while wearing the silliest costume.

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Ten years ago, I told my friends that the hottest girls in the world were Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Today, I could probably talk them into a threeway using a carton of Parliaments and a $50 gift card to Wal-Mart. Lohan could probably use both, seeing as she’s just been fired from her latest acting gig… which was also her first job in three years.

Lohan, pictured above in her version of Heaven, was set to star in The Other Side, playing a grad student on a deserted island, and featuring a cast including Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. I can only imagine the last two were added so 1998 feels relevant again. Brittany Murphy was also once attached to star, but she’s apparently too good for any movie these days.

Fire away, MTV News:

Sources close to the production say that the financial backers of the flick had reservations about Lohan’s casting. However, USmagazine.com reports that financing difficulties for the film weren’t connected to Lohan and that it had “nothing to do with Lindsay. It was because it was an unknown director. All the major stars in this film dropped out.”

Let that be your lesson, Academy Award-nominated actor Woody Harrelson and Screen Actors Guild Award winner Giovanni Ribisi. You’re the ones who aren’t bankable, not Lindsay. She had the acute awareness to bail out before the ship sank. Lindsay is in fact the smartest actress in the history of film. She knew that between I Know Who Killed Me and present day that there would not be one role worth her time.

Huzzah, Lindsay Lohan. I, for one, look forward to your long career and even longer life.

- Burnsy

This is the trailer for The Messenger, which played at Sundance earlier this year and will get a theatrical release starting November 13th.  From first-time director Oren Moverman, who previously wrote the Bob Dylan-themed, I-love-the-smell-of-my-own-farts film I’m Not There, it stars Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster as two soldiers whose job it is to notify dead soldiers’ next of kin.  Harrelson plays Foster’s friend and mentor, a lá Jeremy Renner and Anthony Mackie in The Hurt Locker.  I’m picturing grief, loss, crying, sobbing, slapping — basically two hours of flapjacks and bubblegum and kittens in sunbeams.  Though if your death messenger really was Woody Harrelson, I think it’d probably go down like this:
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Jew Zombie Killers Can’t Hump: A Zombieland Review

Zombieland is a road movie about two of the last survivors of the zombie plague, who don’t really have anywhere to go.  They’re instead driven by their desires: Woody Harrelson’s “Tallahassee” a desire to find the last Twinkies on Earth, and Jesse Eisenberg’s “Columbus” to finally kiss a girl.  It’s a sort of funny premise for a sort of funny movie.  A movie that turns out to be a lot like the Twinkie — tasty enough, but provides little nutritional value, and after you’re done you feel kind of dirty.  It’s pleasant going down*, but you get the sense that the whole thing was ultra processed, created using proven science formulas to manipulate the consumer’s senses in a specific way.  Crap, this is a really good analogy, someone call USA Today.

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This is the first full trailer for Defendor, from Canadian writer/director Peter Stebbings, about a wannabe superhero, starring Woody Harrelson and Kat Dennings (who, sidenote, might be dating Baby Goose).

Reality intersects with delusion in the mind of Arthur Poppington (Woody Harrelson), a regular man who adopts a superhero persona known as Defendor, and combs the city streets at night in search of his arch-enemy, Captain Industry.  In his attempts to combat crime and bring down Captain Industry, a drug and weapons dealer who he mistakenly blames for the death of his mother, Defendor ends up befriending a young prostitute, Katerina Debrofkowitz (Kat Dennings).  Armed with unconventional weapons of mass confusion, aided by his new friend, and putting his life on the line, Defendor proves that everyone is capable of making a difference. [via Twitch]

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