Despite my tendency to drink too much and speculate wildly high standards of journalistic integrity (or as I like to call it, journa-lipstick integ-pretty), it now appears that yesterday’s report of Rupert Evans casting as Superman in Justice League is unfounded.  Based on denials by Evans’ management, IESB is now retracting their previous story (and misspelling the word ‘chimed’).

But good news! Wonder Woman has been cast – Teresa Palmer!  I’d probably bang her! But wait, the source for the false Superman story doesn’t happen to be the source of the Wonder Woman story, does it?  Oh, well yeah, there is that.

I may take a break from JLA news.  I’m as sick of hearing about JLA as I am of being told to put my pants back on.  I predict that it becomes a made-for-TV movie premiering on the Who Gives a Shit Channel, with all roles played by Tori Spelling.

After reports earlier this week about WB head Jeff Rubinov banning any movie with a female lead, Rubinov is of course in full denial mode.  During one of his denials, he apparently broached the subject of a Wonder Woman movie. 

[Rubinov] has been saying he would only make Wonder Woman … as a spin-off of Justice League. But his proviso is that Justice League, about four superheroes including Wonder Woman, would have to do really, really boffo to justify having a female as the main star of a spin-off pic. [DHD via Cinematical]

Inspired by Rubinov, I promise to eat a cat turd if Fred Durst goes a week without ranch dressing*.  See? It’s easy to make promises that have no consequences.  Saying you’ll do something if Justice League of America does really well is like saying that if they make another Terminator movie, you’ll put Vin Diesel in it.  Aw crap….

*or for $10

It’s a sad fact of life that most beautiful women are dumber than a sock full of baby shit (which I carry, for protection). That’s why it’s such a pleasant surprise to hear today’s news that Jessica Biel has turned down an offer to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming Justice League of America debacle (JLA for nerds in the know).

News like this gives me hope, like the sound of a child’s laughter.  Who knows, maybe some day, beautiful women will be able to resist the charms of DJ’s and Club Promoters, Entourage will get cancelled, Joe Francis will get raped to death by polar bears, and Time Warner Cable will stop running ads for Time Warner Cable that can only be seen on Time Warner Cable, the only provider in my area (Seriously, are you mocking me?  What more do you fucking want from me?).

Yes, folks, it’s a brand new day.  Jessica Biel, where wings take dream.   

Variety is reporting that Jessica Biel is in talks to play Wonder Woman in George Miller’s upcoming Justice League of America turd. 

Potential deal marks the first piece of casting to emerge from the DC Comics-based ensemble project, which is expected to feature Superman, Batman, the Flash and Aquaman in addition to Wonder Woman.

Christ, Aquaman, really?  Well, the good news is that she’ll first be completing Powder Blue, with Forrest Whitaker, Patrick Swayze, and Ray Liotta; a movie for which her contract stipulates (heh, more like stiffulates) that she show her butt as well as front and side nipplage.  She looks like the kind of girl who could crush my penis like a pancake in her powerful buttox.  At least, that’s the challenge I’ll be presenting.  According to National Geographic, girls like a challenge.  

Fun Fact: The creator of Wonder Woman based the character on his wife and their mutual lover. He also invented the polygraph.  Sounds like he’s the superhero.