Not so fast, metal dude and fish boy.

The other day we talked about how Marvel Studios was possibly going to screw the pooch by casting Adam Sandler to voice Rocket the Raccoon in Guardians of the Galaxy, but the good news to take away from that was that at least Marvel was actually casting. On the other hand, it’s another day and another rumor for Justice League, which has a writer, villain and possibly a storyline, but still has no director or cast. Oh, and it has a targeted release for the summer of 2015 to nut up to the Avengers sequel, so you could say that this movie is an absolute mess right now.

But DC and Warner Brothers work in baby steps, because they supposedly have the main heroes finally picked out. According to the comic movie scoops at Latino Review, 2015 is going to be a terrible year for Aquaman fans.

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I have no idea how this movie will work.

As we discussed on Friday, any comic book movie that will be made in the wake of The Avengers is going to be compared to Marvel’s megahit and the producers are going to want to emulate it. The exception to this rule is Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises, because his Batman trilogy stands alone compared to most other comic book films. Nolan has not only given us a darker, deeper version of the classic Bruce Wayne story, but he’s done it with a Midas touch, grossing more than $1.4 billion between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

So with Warner Bros. desperate to get the ball re-rolling on a Justice League film to capitalize on some of that sweet, sweet Avengers coin, studio executives and fan boys alike want to know if Nolan will lend his touch to DC’s grand collection of heroes.

“No, none at all,” Nolan said. “We’re finished with all we’re doing with Batman. This is the end of our take on this character.”

Aw, crap.

“Batman will outlive us all, and our interpretation was ours. Obviously, we consider it definitive and kind of finished. The great thing about Batman is he lives on for future generations to reinterpret, and obviously, Warners will have to decide in the future what they’re going to do with him,” Nolan said. “We’ve had our say on the character. …

“I’ve got no plans to do anything more, and certainly, no involvement with any Justice League project.” (Via EW)

Nolan also wrote the story for and is producing the upcoming Man of Steel, which stars Henry Cavill and is directed by Zack Snyder. It should be safe to say that we’re finally looking at a quality Superman film, but after that last disaster of a reboot and Kevin Smith’s famous giant spider story, we’re allowed to be a little bit skeptical.

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"Kneel before Zod... seriously, kneel before we have to pay the fluffer for another hour."

Between Hustler, Vivid, New Sensations and Pauly’s Lusty Lowriders Productions, there’s not a porn company on the planet that isn’t capitalizing on the public’s literal and figurative boner for porn parodies over the past few years. The LA Times noticed this recently and visited the set of Vivid’s latest SuperXXXHeroes production, The Incredible Hulk XXX: A Porn Parody, starring Lee Stone and Dale DaBone, to discuss this fad, as well as Superman XXX, which will be released all over our faces and chests on Monday.

Vivid’s Batman XXX was recognized at this month’s AVN Awards with 7 awards, including Best Parody. But it was also praised for being the top-selling and most rented adult film of 2010, as millions of porn enthusiasts celebrated their favorite masked crime fighter by ruining their favorite socks. Additionally, Vince’s favorite actor Evan Stone played the Riddler and was named Male Performer of the Year.

So what sets the Vivid line apart from the others, director B. Skow?

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Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: news schmews, it’s time to prognosticate! If you came here for answers, you’re in the wrong place, bub. Now, who wants to get stabbed in the dark?  Ouch, I’m bleeding! Yay!

According to über-sketchy media outlet WENN (whose stories are generally written and formatted like a penis-pill email), Megan Fox has vowed to never play a character as “lame” as Wonder Woman.

Director Joss Whedon is rumoured to be putting together a cast for an upcoming big screen outing for the superhero siren [Editor's Note: I've never heard this rumor, and I traffic in these sorts of things]. Fox is reportedly in the running to play the lead role, but the Transformer star is adamant she will not get involved with the comic book adaptation. She tells British magazine FHM, “She’s lame. She flies around in an invisible jet, but she’s not invisible. I don’t get it.” [IMDB via Fark]

Hello, does Star Trek ring a bell?  Romulan cloaking devices?  (*pushes glasses back up nose*) Anyway, there’s no trace of the quote or anything about Wonder Woman in FHM’s online edition, and WENN appears to be the only source for it. So this whole thing is probably bullsh*t.  And let’s face it, Megan Fox has been in two Transformers movies and dates this guy, – something tells me she isn’t the harshest judge of what is and isn’t lame.

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I’m breathless.  When I read this, my shoes shot across the room. And I still haven’t gotten my top hat back on my head.

I’m in Long Beach at the Speed Racer junket and I briefly cornered producer Joel Silver to ask him how the Justice League movie would affect Wonder Woman [Sub question: Who wins in a fight, Bugs Bunny or Inspector Gadget?  According to today's leading scientists, that's a burn. -Ed.]. The answer: it won’t. According to Silver, who would be in the know, Justice League has been ‘tabled.’

"Tabled", is of course fancy movie talk for "deep sixed", or "kicked to the curb and then thrown under the bus".  It’s strange, I never would’ve thought a movie about Batman, Superman, The Flash, a guy who talks to fishes and a dude who shoots boxing glove arrows would wind up not getting made.  I suppose the only word to describe my mood right now is "shock-founded."