As if the old “intertwining vignettes of rom-com clichés played by famous chicks” storyline wasn’t already enough of a testicle forcefield, What to Expect When You’re Expecting has released character posters of all the principles, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Brooklyn Decker, and Anna Kendrick… and they’re all pregnant. Five pregnant chicks. Revolting. MORE LIKE WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTORATING, AMIRITE? Not even Brooklyn Decker’s coquettish, “Oops, someone f*cked a baby into me, tee hee!” face could make this palatable. On the plus side, I emailed this to Burnsy and now our periods are synchronized. This ad campaign is the perfect gender-reverse of those Dr. Pepper 10 commercials.

“What to Expect When You’re Expecting: It’s not for men.”

Women be shoppin, y’all. Women be shoppin’.

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Because there’s nothing women need more than new and contradictive relationship advice, “King of Comedy” Steve Harvey wrote his own advice book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, which turned out much better than Bernie Mac’s book, Fine! You Win. The best-selling book, released in January 2009 and a favorite of Oprah Winfrey, has recently been optioned by Rainforest Films, with Harvey on board to produce, and Keith Merryman and David A. Newman on board to write.

According to Movie Web:

It is based on a relationship advice book, written in Harvey’s comedic voice, which has sold more than 1.4 million copies and is being printed in 26 different languages. The book sheds light on everything from why men are in the fixing business and not the talking business to why independent women should reconnect with their girlish side to make their men feel necessary.

I’m in the fixing business because Harvard had a great Bachelor’s program in Fixing. The Talking program required all these extra prerequisites, and my father’s talking company went belly up when the Internet bubble burst.

You can witness some of the author/comedian’s edgy and witty insight on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, but I don’t mind Steve Harvey. Well, other than his Original Kings of Comedy tour paving the way for the Blue Collar Diarrhea Fun Time and the Latin Kings of Please Stop Giving George Lopez Work.

Steve Harvey’s also going to be the new host of the Family Feud starting in September. His version will be packaged with People’s Court in a new morning time slot at 2 p.m.

Thanks to Spazmodic for the pretty lady photo.

- Burnsy

It seems the way to write a Hollywood rom-com these days is to collect your most insanely obvious and intuitive relationship observations and fashion a crude narrative out of them.  Like, “If you meet a guy and he seems uninterested at first but then says, ‘call me in six beers,’ and later you have sex with him but he never calls and then when you confront him about it he says he was weirded out by your oversized labia …he’s just not that into you.”  Such brilliant insight into the human condition abounds in this red-band clip from The Ugly Truth.

1. “Men are very visual.”
2. “Wear a bra that makes your boobs look good.”
3. “Wear a skirt short enough to see some thigh, but not so short we see vag.”
4. “Don’t whine about your problems.”
5. “Long hair is good.”

And all the while, Katherine Heigl has to pretend like this is all coming from a mutant with superhuman powers of perception who has shapeshifted into the form of her father in order to make her feel more comfortable.  I can’t wait until the next scene, when Gerard Butler and his mangled accent explain the trouble with dingleberries.

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A day with not one but TWO Jerry Bruckheimer trailers?  What God did I please! This one’s the international trailer for Confessions of a Shopaholic, and while I think that little firecrotch Isla Fisher is sexy as hell (not to mention a pretty good actress), the only thing worse than this trashy, obnoxious ode to obnoxious trash is its timing.  Economy in the shitter?  Banks failing, credit drying up?  Gosh, I can’t think of a better environment to release a film about some rich twat who can’t stop buying shiny shoes.  My releases, meanwhile, are always perfectly timed.  (Just before the kid wakes up).

The new Confessions of a Shopaholic trailer premieres this weekend attached to Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist.  An adaptation of the best-selling book series, producer Jerry Bruckheimer promises to bring the same brainless cheeseball approach to chick flicks as he does to movies about pirates, or treasure, or pirate treasure.

After losing her job, Becky applies to be a writer at a Condé Nast fashion glossy. Instead, she is hired for a financial magazine, a position that is way beyond her qualifications. In the big-screen version, her boss is also her love interest (Hugh Dancy of The Jane Austen Book Club).

So let me get this straight, she’s a young professional woman living in Manhattan who’s obsessed with designer clothes, doing a job that’s way over her head for a famous magazine, and she’s in love with her handsome boss?  This is all so new, it’s a lot to process.  If only she had some girlfriends with whom to share the good times and the bad…