Man, if I had a nickel for every action movie trailer that started off with the hero all unkempt with a long beard and hair, claiming to have sworn off whatever it was that makes him the star of the movie. “That’s not who I am anymore,” hirsute Wolverine tells the Japanese chick who’s come looking for Wolverine in the new full-length trailer. Like duh, lady, no one rocks the Jesus look unless they’re hiding from something. Luckily, to become Wolverine, all he has to do is trim his beard a little and shave of the mustache spot above his lip. It’s the kind of facial that says “I may have gotten my act together, but I’m still a scruffy rogue.” I just hope they explain it somehow. “Quick, Wolverine! It’s time to groom yourself out of retirement!” “Okay, but all I have is this beard trimmer and three minutes!”

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This Week in Posters was postponed last week, but now it’s here! I suppose it’s kind of a “last week in posters” now, but better late than never, right? Don’t answer that.

First up, Michael Bay’s Pain and Gain. Okay, this is a pretty fantastic poster. Not that I imagine it’s very difficult to communicate a Michael Bay plot in a single image, but this one pretty much nails it. A couple a dudes, just gettin’ pumped and shredded in front of old glory. It brings a tear to my eye. Still, asking Mark Wahlberg to play a bodybuilder and then casting a guy opposite him who’s six foot five is borderline cruel. Regardless, I’m excited to see The Rock and Marky Mark get the same borderline-porny Michael Bay treatment as the Transformers girls. I’m envisioning a nice peekaboo shot up Wahlberg’s weightlifting shorts like the Megan Fox car scene while he’s doing so wicked tricep extensions. “Hey, Dawnny! You seen my chawklit flavahed mass gainah?” (*swooping crane shot of washboard abs*)

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What with The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises and all the good superhero movies we’ve had lately, Wolverine has sort of gotten lost in the anticipation shuffle (there’s also the matter of the last X-Men movie being a prequel that took place without him). But as you can see from these set pictures from New South Wales (Australia), there’s still a Wolverine movie being directed by James Mangold (3:10 to Yuma) set for July 2013 (the sequel to X-Men Origins: Wolverine), whether anyone wants one or not.

In the film, Logan begins a forbidden romance with a Japanese woman whose hand in marriage is, unfortunately, promised to another man. Since Logan won’t take “no” for an answer, it puts him into battle with her father and her samurai-sword-wielding brothers and Silver Samurai. [SuperheroHype]

And at some point, apparently, Wolverine grows a big beard and moves to a logging town to get a blue collar job and avoid his superhero responsibilities. …Really, screenwriters? We’re doing this one again? The thing where the protagonist’s selfish refusal to accept responsibility is represented by his facial hair? Even The Dark Knight Rises had that. Man of Steel has it, and that’s not even out yet (I think he’s a fisherman in that). At this point, it’d be easier to count the superhero movies that don’t have that scene. Screenwriters desperately need to find another visual shorthand for “protagonist accepts his responsibility” that doesn’t involve cutting his hair and shaving his mountain-man beard. You guys have any ideas? I was thinking something involving a foam cowboy hat, but I haven’t really fleshed out the details.

[pictures from WENN via SuperheroHype]

Did you enjoy X-Men:First Class?  Ha! Fox tricked you! Their fluke enjoyable movie was all just a ruse to make another unwanted sequel to a rightfully forgotten franchise! Ever since Darren Aronofsky pretended to want to direct it for a few months and then went out for a pack of cigs and never came back, Wolverine 2 has been looking for a new daddy.  Now it seems they’ve found it in the form of James Mangold, whose filmography includes some solid flicks like 3:10 to Yuma and Copland, some overrated mehs like Girl Interrupted and Walk the Line, and some stinkers like Kate & Leopold and (*gulp*) Knight and Day. Deadline reports that Mangold is the first choice of both Hugh Jackman** (who apparently holds no grudges about Kate & Leopold) and 20th Century Fox.  So I guess you could say Hugh Jackman is digging for Man Gold.

Negotiations are about to get underway, but I’m told that Mangold will take the helming job on the sequel to the X-Men spinoff film, a post that became vacant when Darren Aronofsky dropped out of the film in March. I’d heard that Mangold was on a very short list coming into this week, along with Warrior director Gavin O’Connor and Brooklyn’s Finest helmer Antoine Fuqua. I’ve heard that Fox will look to start principal photography in the fall. Scripted by Christopher McQuarrie, The Wolverine takes place mostly in Japan. [Deadline]

With James Mangold directing Christopher McQuarrie, there’s a chance we could get Usual Suspects meets 3:10 to Yuma, but also a chance we get The Tourist meets Knight and Day.  Too early to tell, really.  But I’ll say this, I’m already off to a great start on my X-Men-themed gay porn parody, MAN GOLD: JackMan vs. Assbender.

**Does six-foot Hugh Jackman playing a superhero who’s supposed to be short cancel out elfin Tom Cruise playing a guy who’s supposed to be 6’5″?  Discuss.

After the last Wolverine movie, the idea that Darren Aronofsky would be directing the follow-up was the only reason anyone had any interest in it.  Today, Fox issued a statement saying Aronofsky had left the project, effectively killing anyone’s hopes for it, and certainly squashing any possibility of it having some lipstick lesbo scissor action. (*sadly pours 40 out on copy of Jugs magazine*)

In a statement issued by the studio, Aronofsky said, “It became clear that the production of The Wolverine would keep me out of the country for almost a year. I was not comfortable being away from my family for that length of time.” (The film was reportedly going to be set in Japan.) “I am sad that I won’t be able to see the project through,” continued Aronofsky, “as it is a terrific script [by Chris McQuarrie] and I was very much looking forward to working with my friend, Hugh Jackman, again.” [EW]

Translation: “I was totally down to make a few million for slapping my name on your dumb sequel, but not if it means spending a year in a radioactive f*ckpillow swamp.”

Somewhere, Brett Ratner stares at his phone, thoughtfully eating a hot pocket.