Following up on yesterday‘s unsubstantiated rumors of Brett Ratner taking over Wolf Man, the Hollywood Reporter has a rundown of all the candidates vying for the job. 

Brett Ratner, Frank Darabont [The Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption], James Mangold [3:10 to Yuma, Walk the Line] and Joe Johnston [Jumanji, Hidalgo] have either met with the studio and producers or are expected to do so in the coming days.  Bill Condon [Dreamgirls, Kinsey] also is a helmer the studio is keen on.

Jesus, if they have their choice of these guys and they pick Ratner, I swear… 

The biggest challenge the studio faces is its inability to work on the script because of the writers strike. Any filmmaker coming on board takes on a locked script, overseen by Romanek over several years, and many directors want to put their stamp on it. Martin Campbell [Casino Royale] is one helmer who was interested, but he is no longer in contention.  Another potential wrinkle is star Benicio Del Toro. The actor, known to be choosy with parts and directors, might have a say in the process. 

I knew there was a reason I liked that guy.

Many on the list are writer-directors, but Ratner is not [in fact he's probably illiterate]. The director, who met with the studio Wednesday, is emerging as the strongest contender because of the fact that he has experience in taking over a project that has lost a director late in the game. Ratner famously took over "X-Men: The Last Stand" after Bryan Singer flew the coop to direct "Superman Returns."

"Our normal babysitter flaked at the last minute, so we got Brett Ratner.  He ate the children, raped the dog, and burned the house down, but if you need someone on short notice, he’s your guy. He has experience taking over at the last minute." 

That’s right, folks, question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Will humans land on Mars?  Is purple the new pink? Would this monkey let me squeeze her tits for a banana?  No one can say for sure, and that means we’re free to speculate wildly! Yee ha!

The latest disturbing rumor comes from CHUD and AICN, who report their sources are telling them that the new director of Wolf Man is that tubby pile of mongoloid monkey shit Brett Ratner (X3, The Rush Hour Movies, Money Talks).  I’d like to think Wolf Man stars Benicio Del Toro and Sir Anthony Hopkins wouldn’t be too keen to work with this burrito-loving mouth breather, but I’m not sure if they have a choice.  Hey, I hear Chris Tucker is available.  

On the plus side, if you create a popular viral video of yourself saying “I’m the wolf man, bitch,” there’s a 50-50 chance of him actually working the line into the movie.  Maybe they’ll put his name above the title like they did on Rush Hour 3.  As if the people lining up for Rush Hour 3 are going, "Ooh, hey, another Brett Ratner film – I just love his work.  Such a talent.  Such an auteur."  I’d like to think they’re going to Rush Hour 3 because someone clogged the toilets at the truck stop.  I’m a baseless elitist like that.

I THUMB MY NOSE AT YOU, BRETT RATNER!  I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR! Ruffians like you are the reason I always keep my top hat tilted forwarded at a pugnacious angle and a stiff cane at the ready.    

Last week, Mark Romanek was directing a film version of the Wolf Man, starring Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins, set to start shooting in a few weeks.  This week, he’s just another unemployed guy with a beard.

Universal told Hollywood Reporter: "Romanek leaves behind a well-prepped production that is poised to move forward and Universal thanks him for helping bring one of its most cherished legacies and characters to renewed life."

You don’t have to take that crap from them, bro.  Last time I got fired, I exploded a fish in the breakroom microwave.  Now it’ll always smell just like they act over there, man, fishy.   

"He just blew the opportunity of a lifetime, which is mind-boggling." [Writer Nikki] Finke reports the film was budgeted at $100 million, but Romanek felt he couldn’t make the film with that kind of money. Finke’s insider says, "He’s a purist, an artiste, an exquisite craftsman, but he just had a budget schedule he couldn’t accomodate." [DeadlineHollywoodDaily via RopeofSilicon]

Officially, of course, the departure was a result of Romanek leaving over "creative differences", but that’s what I tell everyone at job interviews.  Only the stupid ones believe me.  Reached for comment, Del Toro said, "He flip you," in a strange, barely intelligible accent.  What an actor. What a talent.

[Thanks to wangtastic commenter Bryce for the tip.  Just the tip, that's what he promised.]