“Please… please stop taking pictures of our children… they just want to be normal kids.”

Last year, then-11-year old Willow Smith caused an Internet uproar when she Tweeted a picture of herself with what looked like a tongue ring while bragging that she got a tongue ring. And people clearly believed that she would get her tongue pierced because she dresses like this and has hair like this, so it just seemed logical. It turned out, though, that she was just playin, y’all, because she just wanted to watch everyone overreact. Take that, you poor adults working hard to pay bills, whatever those are.

But the timing was convenient, because it reminded us that not only were her father, Will Smith, and rap superstar Jay-Z producing a remake of the classic musical Annie, and not only were they trying to get Emma Thompson to write it, but it was also starring Willow. After all, her brother got to be Karate Kid for Halloween so she should get to be Annie.

Except now she doesn’t want to do it anymore. “Gosh dad, just give me a million dollars and leave me alone!”

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Hey, y’all. Today, in Will Smith’s Dumb Wiener Kids news (THE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS OF ALL), 11-year-old Willow Smith got her tongue pierced. #swag #yolo #oralsex

Or not:

A source close to the singer and her famous family tells Gossip Cop exclusively that “it isn’t a piercing — it is a magnet.”

“Just a young girl having fun with accessories,” adds our insider.

Glad that’s been cleared up, now I can sleep tonight. I wouldn’t want Will Smith to have to stop bragging about what an awesome parent he is all the time. She couldn’t very well be a walking billboard for her parents with a tongue piercing, now could she? In conclusion, YOU GO, SMITH FAMILY! SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG…

[picture via tumblr via Buzzfeed]

No one in Hollywood makes me want to puke as much as the Smith family (the daughter’s named Willow after the dad! the son’s named Jaden after the mom! God, they’re like black Mormons), but I’ll give Will Smith this, he buys great birthday presents.  He bought a Karate Kid remake for his son, even though no one in the world gives a crap about an 11-year-old lead — to quote Royal Tenenbaum, “What characters? It’s just a bunch of little kids in costumes,” — and his daughter must’ve gotten jealous, because he bought her a remake of Annie. And now he’s trying to get Emma Thompson to write the screenplay.  At first I figured he’d just seen Stranger than Fiction too many times, but it turns out she does actually

Insiders say Will Smith and Jay-Z are in negotiations with Oscar-winning screenwriter [Best Actress in 1992 for Howard's End and Best Adapted Screenplay in 1995 for Sense and Sensibility] and actress Emma Thompson to re-adapt the screenplay for an updated version of the musical that would star Smith’s youngest progeny, Willow.
If the deal with Thompson goes through, the project will be the first fruit of the partnership between Smith and Jay-Z that Columbia Pictures announced back in January, but it won’t be the first time that these principals have worked together: Thompson is currently co-starring with Smith as Agent O in Men in Black III, while Jay-Z, Smith, and his spouse, Jada Pinkett-Smith, all served as co-producers of the Broadway musical Fela!, nominated for eleven Tony awards last year. [Vulture]

A remake of Annie starring Will Smith’s daughter, who’s 10.  And Jay-Z supposedly still has credibility?  F*ck that guy.  The only thing I want to see Willow Smith in a remake of Willow, where it’s just her fending off attacks by an angry dwarf who bites.  Warwick Davis would be cool, but any dwarf with teeth, really.

News broke today that WB would be doing a remake of the Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner chocolate-vanilla love sandwich classic The Bodyguard, which is perfect timing because just yesterday I was saying to a friend, “Hey, remember 1992?”  He punched me in the stomach, so I think it’s pretty clear that he does.

Warner Bros is rebooting its 1992 hit The Bodyguard, the film that paired Kevin Costner with Whitney Houston and became for its time one of the biggest global hits in studio history with a $411 million worldwide gross.

No.  This is a remake, not a reboot.  A reboot is what happens when they’ve already made three sequels, but you start over again with a new storyline and cast, like with Spider-Man.  Yes, that happens often enough that they needed a word for it.  I hate my job.

The film will be scripted by Jeremiah Friedman and Nick Palmer, whose action comedy script Family Getaway made the 2010 Black List and is a priority project at Warner Bros.

The original was a fairly straight ahead tale of a Secret Service agent drafted to protect a singing diva whose life has been threatened by a stalker, then falling for her in a way he fears is a distraction from his job. The new version is similar, including the love story, but here the bodyguard will be a former Iraq war veteran who gets the job protecting the star as his first gig after leaving the Army. He discovers that the world of Twitter, Google Maps and TMZ has made access to celebrities easier than ever, making the job more difficult than ever. [Deadline]

C-TATES: Yo, girl, you gah stop wit all da Tweetin’, fa real.  I learned dat in da Army.

By the way, does anyone else remember that clip from Being Bobby Brown where Whitney Houston is on the toilet constipated and Bobby Brown’s helping her put a suppository in her butt?  I can’t find the clip online, but when I hear “The Bodyguard,” it’s all I can think of.

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In news that only a billionaire father could love, Will Smith and Jay-Z are in talks to bring a modernized version of the musical Annie to the big screen, and of course it’s going to star Smith’s daughter, Willow. Because it’s her time to shine. The elder Smiff already launched his son Jaden’s acting career by remaking The Karate Kid, which grossed a ridiculous $350 million while crane-kicking Ralph Macchio’s legacy in the balls.

The involvement of Jay-Z, who previously sampled a classic Annie song for his similarly titled “Hard Knock Life”, makes it evident that the retelling will involve hip hop, which sounds great. Hopefully some unique new takes on the classic soundtrack can distract us from believing that the daughter of an entertainment icon is a poor orphan.

Drop that funky beat for all the chickens in the club, All Hip Hop…

Willow Smith is currently an artist on Jay-Z’s Roc Nation imprint, which is a partnership between the chart-topping rapper and Live Nation, the largest live entertainment company in the world.

She has already had a hit single with the song “Whip My Hair,” which peaked at #11 on Billboard’s Hot 100 Chart.

Only #11? Come on, that song was overproduced to at least be a Top 3 song. Either way, I think a great idea for the Smith family’s next project would be a remake of Look Who’s Talking with their next child as a newborn. Except in this version, Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith will spend millions to give their baby the ability to actually talk to us telepathically. His first thought? “Hoo boy, Tom Cruise is gay.”