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Will Smith and his wiener kid are starring in an M. Night Shyamalan movie this summer, so the Will Smith’s-wiener-kids news cycle is really starting to heat up. The latest news is that Jaden, for his 15th birthday, wants to be emancipated. From the slavery of being treated as a public manifestation of his father’s fame, presumably, which doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request. Jeez, you buy the kid’s way into the movie business, and the next thing you know he’s getting a big head.

Will explains that Jaden, who will be celebrating his 15th birthday in July and is close pals with 19-year-old Justin Bieber, asked for a very unique gift.
“He says, ‘Dad, I want to be emancipated.’ I know if we do this, he can be an emancipated minor, because he really wants to have his own place, like ‘Ooh,’” Will explained.

“I told him ‘you’re only 15, you don’t have a rep yet.’”

“That’s the backlash. On the other side, if kids just want to have command of their lives, I understand.”
“We generally don’t believe in punishment,” he says. “From the time Jaden was five or six, we would sit him down, and all he has to do is be able to explain why what he did was the right thing for his life. I think it’s a much more difficult question to ask someone —’Why was that right?’ — than to try to show them why it was wrong.

“Nobody wants to be wrong, all parts of yourself fight like crazy to not be wrong. So I’ll say to Jaden, ‘Why was that the right thing to do for your life?’ and if he can explain why kicking his sister in the chest was the right thing to do, we can see to it that he understands that it wasn’t so smart.” [Sun]

Oooh, please, give us more parenting advice, guy whose 14-year-old son hangs out with Justin Bieber.

In any case, we’ve got an exclusive clip from After Earth after the jump.

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I won’t mince words, I’m a huge fan of dopey voiceover work. You probably don’t remember this, but a few years ago, Vin Diesel starred in a movie called Babylon AD, and the voiceover in that trailer was so dumb that it inspired me to write fan-fiction with it. But there’s a new contender after the dumb-talk title, After Earth, starring Will Smith and one of his dumb wiener kids, the boy. While you won’t find “From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan…” anywhere near this one (marketing dept finally learned their lesson, it seems), the hard-boiled, half-baked voice over leaves little doubt as to the authorship.

QUICK, TO THE EXPOSITION!

We used to celebrate our planet, once a year, on Earth Day.

As BadassDigest points out, the marketing tie-in here is that Monday was Earth Day, making yesterday… you guessed it, AFTER EARTH DAY. Who cooked this up, Rebecca Black? And Sunday comes after…

But one day… wasn’t enough to save it.

MESSAGE. Yeah, I bet you think you’re doing something, all content to plant your Earth day trees in your Tom’s shoes. Lotta good that’s gonna do you when you’re staring at Will Smith’s dumb face on a space pod after the ice caps melt. Take a look at yourself in the mirror, society.

In 2071, we were forced to leave our world, and find a new home. We never thought we’d return. Crash landed.

I like the “crash landed” part, because it literally describes the exact thing we just watched happen. Also, how bad is this CG?

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“Please… please stop taking pictures of our children… they just want to be normal kids.”

Last year, then-11-year old Willow Smith caused an Internet uproar when she Tweeted a picture of herself with what looked like a tongue ring while bragging that she got a tongue ring. And people clearly believed that she would get her tongue pierced because she dresses like this and has hair like this, so it just seemed logical. It turned out, though, that she was just playin, y’all, because she just wanted to watch everyone overreact. Take that, you poor adults working hard to pay bills, whatever those are.

But the timing was convenient, because it reminded us that not only were her father, Will Smith, and rap superstar Jay-Z producing a remake of the classic musical Annie, and not only were they trying to get Emma Thompson to write it, but it was also starring Willow. After all, her brother got to be Karate Kid for Halloween so she should get to be Annie.

Except now she doesn’t want to do it anymore. “Gosh dad, just give me a million dollars and leave me alone!”

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Will and Jaden Smith prepare to watch The Last Airbender

Did you ever dream that one day Will Smith and his obnoxious son would team up with M. Night Shyamalan for a sci-fi film in the vein of Avatar? …Yeah, me, neither. I guess I lack a “European sensibility.” But for the rest of you paté-toting exposition lovers, today brings us the trailer for After Earth, M. Night Shyamalan’s follow up to The Last Airbender (combined RottenTomatoes score of Shyamalan’s last three movies: 47%), starring Will Smith and Jaden Smith, as a future general and his son crash landed and trying to survive on a now-dangerous Earth. Check out the trailer after the jump, but I warn you, Will Smith’s accent is a Keanu-in-Dracula level train wreck. It is glorious.

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If there’s one thing in the world that annoys the ever-loving piss out of me, it’s Will Smith and his dumb wiener kids. Someone sent me this new Jaden Smith music video in the hopes of making me sad, it worked, and the only thing that’s going to make me feel better is to drag you all down into my misery. So here it is, “The Coolest,” featuring Jaden Smith rapping about “I’m the leader of the leaders on the leaderboards,” and “I been sippin on some soda and I’m chillin’ with a hottie and she’s really into yoga…” like a regular swaggy adult. Sample verse:

“So just listen while I’m spittin’ it’s the realest that you gettin’ a dese writtens if you messin’ with these stupid kids…”

Now, I’m sure there are going to be plenty of you out there who’ll say “Aw, I thought it was kinda good!” Or “leave the Smith kids alone, they’re espousing such a positive message for the kids!” And to you people I say please, shut up. Stop encouraging this, you’re ruining society. How well he can or can’t rhyme is irrelevant. I don’t want to hear about some rich 12-year-old’s “swag,” okay? Swag is for the poor and downtrodden. It’s a way for society’s forgotten to say “I’m still here and I’m kicking ass” in the face of adversity. It’s not for some rich kid to shout while he’s bragging about the lavish lifestyle that comes with being a coddled little fame prince. When you’re born rich and famous, it’s not called “swag,” it’s called being an assh*le. When you clearly didn’t earn it, at least do people the courtesy of not going on and on about how good your cake tastes, would you? It’s not class war, it’s common sense. And if you’re that kid’s parents, spoil him all you want, but it’s your godd*mned job to tell him to shut the f*ck up and read a book and stop bragging about his fancy shoes because he saw a poor kid do it.

Atlas puked.