(More pics at WWTDD)

Squeaky-clean Will Smith often gets accused of acting “white”, but if his behavior on the Men in Black III set is any indication, he still loves huge trailers.  Sorry, that was a terrible joke.  The point is that Will Smith is an assh*le, and the other assh*les in the neighborhood aren’t happy about it.  The New York Post’s actual, Pulitzer-worthy caption? “GETTIN’ PIGGY WIT’ IT.”

The megastar has docked a gargantuan, double-decker moveable mansion for his “Men in Black III” shoot smack in the middle of SoHo — even though he’s renting a luxury apartment less than a mile away.
Clocking in at 1,150 square feet, the titanic trailer is larger than most two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartments in the city.
The specially designed ride, nicknamed “The Heat,” includes a lounge, a movie room with a 100-inch screen, marble floors throughout, offices for his assistants and writing staff, a large bedroom and all-granite bathroom. It measures about 53 feet long, has 22 wheels and weighs in at around 30 tons.
The gawdy creation is a product of Anderson Mobile Estates. With the push of a button it can double its height in just 30 seconds and sells for just under $2 million.
Inside, it features a full-service kitchen with arched windows, and matched-grain Italian cherrywood cabinetry.

I appreciate that, Tony. DON’T SLAM THE F*CKIN DOOR, TONY!

In the same neighborhood, Smith is renting a five-bedroom, 6.5-bathroom apartment for $25,000 a month on Bond Street.
“Everything about him is excessive,” said a broker who worked with him.
Initially, his rental budget was $100,000 — a month. He wanted a pool, and he did not want to share an elevator with normal people, the broker said. [NYPost]

Well his trailer certainly sounds a lot nicer than, say, your mom’s.  And he probably has to share it with fewer syphilitics.  My gosh, who would’ve guessed a guy who named one child after himself and one after his wife, who pushed them into each of his careers before they hit puberty, who only agrees to star in films where he can be the good guy, would be some kind of egomaniac, right?  This must be some kind of mistake.  Let’s all continue to praise his refreshing “swagger.”

Uh oh, Jada looks unhappy. Someone get her another crucifix.

We’ve known for some time that Quentin Tarantino’s next project would be a “Southern”, a period revenge story with a slave protagonist.  Last week, his script for Django Unchained was widely leaked across the internet. Now, The Hollywood Reporter reports that the frontrunner for the lead is none other than the patriarch of Hollywood’s most obnoxious family, Will Smith.  Christoph Waltz and Samuel Jackson are widely expected to take supporting roles, but as for Smith, as with most things Will Smith, the sticking point seems to be gratuitous use of the N-word.

Tarantino’s next film, Django Unchained, a spaghetti Western about a slave in the Old South who teams with a German bounty hunter to search for his wife, will be distributed domestically by the Weinstein Co., but Tarantino is in the process of selecting a studio partner to release the film internationally. Sources prepped for those meetings say Tarantino would like Smith to star in the film.

Smith is being teed up for the title role of Django, a freed slave who seeks to reunite with his slave wife, a journey that will see him team with a German bounty hunter to take down an evil plantation owner.

Tarantino wrote the bounty hunter part with Waltz in mind, according to insiders. The German ends up training Django and helping him seek his wife.

Jackson would play the house slave to the bad guy, Monsieur Calvin Candie. The slave is an expert manipulator and will face off with Django.

Smith and his reps have received the screenplay, which could be a hot potato due to the themes of racism and the liberal use of the N-word. It’s unclear whether Smith has read the script yet. The actor manages his image very carefully, but the part is heroic and could be iconic. Tarantino is aiming for a fall shoot in the South.

Oh God, I can already hear every fluff piece Will Smith interview for the next 18 months, where he earnestly explains what a great opportunity this was teach to his children an Important Lesson About Their Ancestors, while the breathless host treats him like the Dalai Lama.  As if parading your dumb wiener kids around like miniature promotional tools for yourself makes you a great parent. Will Smith seems like the type of guy who’d drive a minivan with stick caricatures of everyone in the family on the back window, the kind of thing I always see and interpret as a sign warning “My house has a rape dungeon.”

Manny was hurt and disappointed when he found out he'd missed funny hat day.

It had been threatened before, but today it’s official: America’s most obnoxiously over-processed father-son duo, Will and Jaden Smith, are teaming up with America’s least-favorite filmmaker, Manny Shyamalan, to make a movie that might finally inspire the populace to rise up en masse and storm Hollywood with torches and pitchforks.

Sony Pictures Entertainment has signed Will Smith and son Jaden Smith to star in an untitled futuristic science fiction adventure film that will be directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Shymalan wrote the script with Gary Whitta [The Book of Eli], and Overbrook’s James Lassiter, Smith, Ken Stovitz and Jada Pinkett Smith will produce with Shyamalan. Shyamalan talked about the project some last fall when he was promoting The Last Airbender, when the project went under the title One Thousand A.E. Back then, Will Smith was only supposed to produce, but now he’s set to star as well.

The story takes place far in the future where a young boy has to navigate an abandoned planet on a space ship that has crashed. On board is his estranged father. [Deadline]

Whoa, daddy issues?  In an M. Night Shyamalan story?  It sounds crazy, but that’s what it says.  When this starts shooting, I say we kidnap Joaquin Phoenix, shoot him full of angel dust, tell him we’re filming the video for his next rap album, spin him around six times, drop him off at the set, hand him a baseball bat and tell him “swing away.”

(*head explodes*)

Yes, get excited, people, you may soon be able to see Ashton Kutcher play an older version of Justin Bieber in the film What Would Kenny Do? The answer to the rhetorical question of course being “grow bangs.”

The film tells of a relationship between a 17-year-old and his thirtysomething self. Said thirtysomething would be played by Ashton Kutcher, the source said. The project is set up at Sony and will be produced by Kutcher’s Katalyst Entertainment and Will Smith’s Overbrook Entertainment (Bieber and Jaden Smith are of course friends).

Ooh, Bieber and Kutcher AND Jaden Smith?  Can’t we throw Lights Camera Jackson or a Kardashian sister in there?  This isn’t obnoxious enough yet.  AUTOTUNE IT, AUTOTUNE IT ALL!

Chris Baldi’s “Kenny” script, which landed on Hollywood’s Black List  in 2008, is an R-rated comedy describing a teenager who meets a hologram claiming to be the adult version of himself; the hologram then helps guide the teen through high school. The project was originally set up at MGM label United Artists when MGM was under different management.

“(500) Days of Summer” writers Scott Neustadter and Michael Weber then came on and wrote a new draft of the script. According to a person who was briefed on the new (less raunchy) draft, the story now involves Kutcher’s successful character actually jumping back in time to help the present-day Bieber, who remains awkward.  A new writer and director are currently being sought. [LATimes]

Wait, so the guy “claims” to be an adult version of the kid?  I hope halfway through, when the kid’s out on a big date with his older self giving him advice through an earpiece, he finds out the older guy isn’t actually him at all, just an unemployed softball coach hoping to score Selena Gomez sexts.  “Come on, bro, don’t hold out on me. My wife’s, like, really, really old.”

In news that only a billionaire father could love, Will Smith and Jay-Z are in talks to bring a modernized version of the musical Annie to the big screen, and of course it’s going to star Smith’s daughter, Willow. Because it’s her time to shine. The elder Smiff already launched his son Jaden’s acting career by remaking The Karate Kid, which grossed a ridiculous $350 million while crane-kicking Ralph Macchio’s legacy in the balls.

The involvement of Jay-Z, who previously sampled a classic Annie song for his similarly titled “Hard Knock Life”, makes it evident that the retelling will involve hip hop, which sounds great. Hopefully some unique new takes on the classic soundtrack can distract us from believing that the daughter of an entertainment icon is a poor orphan.

Drop that funky beat for all the chickens in the club, All Hip Hop…

Willow Smith is currently an artist on Jay-Z’s Roc Nation imprint, which is a partnership between the chart-topping rapper and Live Nation, the largest live entertainment company in the world.

She has already had a hit single with the song “Whip My Hair,” which peaked at #11 on Billboard’s Hot 100 Chart.

Only #11? Come on, that song was overproduced to at least be a Top 3 song. Either way, I think a great idea for the Smith family’s next project would be a remake of Look Who’s Talking with their next child as a newborn. Except in this version, Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith will spend millions to give their baby the ability to actually talk to us telepathically. His first thought? “Hoo boy, Tom Cruise is gay.”