Here’s Black Eye Peas founder and Wolverine cast member Will.i.am, on his way to an arm-wrestling competition after a long day working on the docks (I assume).  He recently did an interview with Elle, where he discussed his Terrence Howard-esque love of baby wipes:

Another pet peeve is wet sinks.

ELLE: Wet sinks?
W: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don’t wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she’s got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain’t got no baby wipes?

ELLE: I’ve heard about this particular deal breaker before. Why is that a big deal to you?
W: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes. [Elle]

You heard it here, folks, Will.i.am poops chocolate.  I like to imagine Will.i.am trekking up a tall, fog-shrouded mountain in the Tibetan highlands, seeking the legendary wisdom of Sheik Terrence Howard, who would eventually validates the pilgrimage by recounting the parable of the chocolate on the hardwood floor.

“I’ve come seeking guidance, Sensei. Can you teach me how to get the women to use the baby wipes?”

“Of course, William-san.  But first, you clean chocolate off floor.”

“But, Sensei, how does cleaning chocolate off the floor teach–”

“Wax on, wax off.”

“…you are most wise, Sensei.”

In X2, the teleporting mutant was played by a bisexual star of broadway musicals whose name is “Cumming”, and that was still way less gay than foppish dandy Will.I.Am, who plays a similar character in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

"I’m a teleporter. … I’m here, I’m there, I’m everywhere. Boom, boom, boom!" Will revealed. "My character’s name is John Wraith. He’s a black Texan. He’s not a cowboy, but his gear suggests that he is. He’s just a badass who’ll whoop your ass."

Yeah!  And I bet he wears leather and grows facial hair!  Which he keeps nicely manicured! For, uh, the ladies!  Grrr!

"You see that little scar I’ve got on my knuckles?" he asked, holding up his hand. "I’m a newbie when it comes to big action films and stuff. … It was my fight scene. I was real into it, and then I missed my mark, and I punched the camera and broke the lens! But that goes to show you," he grinned. "I ain’t to be messed with, because I break lenses!"       

That’s right, fool. And don’t even make him go all creative punctuation on yo ass.  Heck, I may have to change my name to Vin.Cent to keep up with all these fancy hippity hoppers.