I know that for people who don’t enjoy Tim and Eric, Tim and Eric are basically the antichrist. So to those people, go grab a bagel or something, and meet us back here in an hour. For the rest of us…. EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie has a trailer. Me too much excited for write. Here, make bullet point list:

• Robert Loggia cutting off an old lady’s finger
• “Chef Goldblum”
• Dick forehead (James Franco may sue)
• Guy exploding a la Brian De Palma’s The Fury (aka the best scene of all time)
• Taquito!!
• Shrim

That’s right, some of the best selling points for Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar movie include “taquito” and “shrim,” and I’m not going to try to defend that at all. This looks awesome.

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I don’t normally get excited for comedies, not since the colossal letdown of Philadelphia, but I have to say that this new trailer for Jason Sudeikis’ latest movie is really putting my keys in a bowl. A Good Old Fashioned Orgy stars Sudeikis as a Peter Pan frat-boy-type, stuck in a life of partying as all of his other friends are trying to grow up. Don Johnson plays his buzzkill dad, who decides to sell the family’s vacation home, which has long been the locale of Sudeikis’ antics.

Sudeikis and his friends declare that they need to host one final bash to send off the house in their unique style and that party’s theme is an orgy. Jumping in for the sex party are Will Forte, Nick Kroll, Martin Starr, Lake Bell, Leslie Bibb, David Koechner, Lucy Punch and Tyler Labine, among others. Back in May, Vince asked why there wasn’t a trailer for this yet. Well I have it now after the jump, because he doesn’t love you guys like I do.

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The news today for Tom Cruise’s latest project, Rock of Ages, is that Saturday Night Live’s Will Forte is joining the cast of this Broadway-to-big-screen musical adaptation. Forte joins Cruise, Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, Bryan Cranston, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Malin Akerman’s super hot self, among others, for this star-studded celebration of the Tony-nominated musical.

Cruise is playing 80s rock superstar Stacee Jaxx and you can see from the image above that he’s hardly sacrificing his trademark manliness that he’s so well-known for these days. Don’t you worry about that, friends, because his woman, Katie Holmes, says that he’s still a boss.

“Two years ago he took me up on his P-51 Mustang, a fighter plane from World War II. He painted the words, ‘Kiss Me, Kate’ on the side,” Holmes says in the August issue of InStyle. “It feels like you’re on a bike in the sky. I thought, I’m either going to spend this whole flight totally freaked out or realize this is pretty thrilling.” (Via People)

When they landed, Katie wrapped her arms around Tom’s neck and moved in to kiss him, but he pulled back and said, “Stop it! You’re messing up my scarf!”

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Well punth me in the cunth, today sure seems to be a popular day for trailers.  A few more of these and your mom might start hanging around here.  (Get it? Trailers?  Your mom?  Zing?)  Anyway, this is the latest red-band trailer for MacGruber (opens May 21st), which once sounded like a really bad idea, but based on early buzz, sounds like it might be pretty funny.  Amazing what a good early buzz will do for my mood, huh?  (Get it?  Early buzz?  Zing?)  Sorry, I’ve been drinking.

And no dude, I’m not pronouncing your name “FILL uh pee”.  This is one of the few times the French pronunciation actually sounds less silly.  You don’t like it you can go cry to Eye-an Ziering.

This is the official first trailer for Macgruber, which is a bit of a letdown after we’ve already seen the much more promising red-band trailer from a few days ago.  Trying to watch the PG trailer for an R-rated comedy after you’ve already seen the red-band version is like a hooker you paid to take a dump on your coffee table that wants to show you how well she can cuddle.  Go away, crazy lady, that’s what the stuffed animals are for.

Fun fact: Val Kilmer loved the ponytail look because it kept him from getting guacamole in his hair.

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