Suddenly, Cage had the distraction he needed to steal the Mona Lisa.

In news so creepy you should actually expect it to involve Nicolas Cage, the star of the upcoming films Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and The Frozen Ground visited Paris, France over the weekend as he was honored by the Musée Grévin with his very own wax statue. The tribute to Cage is dressed rather modestly in a blue button down and jeans, which is surprising because when a guy owns random dinosaur skulls, names his kid Kal-El and plans to be buried in a giant pyramid tomb, you’d think they might at least give his statue a sweet bolo tie.

While we love Cage and think it’s great to see him honored, I can’t help but think that maybe his wax statue is a bit… unflattering. In fact, it looks a little like Christopher Walken. I’m just saying the point of a tribute like this should be to honor the man at his peak of fame, and not his peak of Botox billing. Taylor Lautner’s also getting a wax statue from Musée Grévin soon. Will they make his look like a creepy great uncle? It’s only fair.

Meanwhile, in super awesome (and typical) Cage news, the actor wants to make a sequel to his classic Wicker Man. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “How the hell can he star in a sequel to Wicker Man, and will his co-star be his wax statue?” The answers are simple – he’ll play a ghost and probably.

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The thing that makes Nic Cage awesome is the same thing that makes 85 percent of his movies terrible: he’s crazy. He was making $40 million a year and managed to blow it all buying snake venom and dinosaur skulls. He he named his child after Superman, and he says he took a part in Drive Angry because he’d always wanted to have his eye shot out with a gun. That was the reason. Perhaps no quote more perfectly sums up the genius and the major character flaw (which are one and the same) at the heart of Nic Cage’s personality like this quote from a recent interview in Empire magazine, presented here without comment:

philblakeman says: Is there any character you’d like to revisit? Do you ever wonder what happened next to Stanley Goodspeed or Cameron Poe?
I would like to hook up with one of the great Japanese filmmakers, like the master that made Ringu, and I would like to take The Wicker Man to Japan, except this time he’s a ghost.

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Take note, aspiring journalists, THIS is how you write a news lede:

A New York man came up with an unusual plan to hurt his ex-girlfriend: kill a bear, skin it, and then dress up in the carcass and attack her.

Well it worked in Wicker Man, but if Arnold Schwarzenegger from Hercules in New York shows up, you’re f*cked. Let’s see how far he got with this plan. I’m guessing this idea doesn’t last longer than a meth high.

The Associated Press reports that Clyde Gardner, of Malone, N.Y., planned to wear the bear hide and claws to attack his ex-girlfriend and kill her, leaving no trace of his foot or fingerprints at the scene of the crime. The woman, with whom he had a violent, on-again off-again relationship and a child, had recently thrown him out of the house again, the report said.

Okay, well that sounds plausible. “What? *I* didn’t shoot her, it must’ve been a bear. Just look at these tracks!”

Gardner allegedly abandoned the bear plan, however, in favor a more practical one: hiring a hit man.

You don’t say.

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WonderTonic recently put together some memorable moments from the 2006 Neil Labute/Nic Cage classic Wicker Man, and set them to New Yorker cartoons.  I think it goes without saying that this was a pretty incredible idea. 

I would’ve liked to see the Bear-punch scene reenacted in cartoon form, but I suppose it’s hard to recreate the sight gag of Nic Cage dressed as a bear, using only cartoon with a guy laying on his shrink’s couch.  Seriously, how do none of these involve a shrink’s couch?  Every third New Yorker cartoon shows someone on a shrink’s couch.  Or sometimes it’s an animal dressed like a human on the couch.  Those are my favorite.

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(CLICK TO ANIMATE)

It’s been a long weekend, folks.  I’m sure you’re all plenty sick of your family by now, or God willing, your parents are dead like Jacktion‘s.  We’ll get this ship back up to full speed by tomorrow, but in the meantime, please enjoy this gif animation of Oprah releasing the bees.  (MINI UPDATE: Apparently this came from Conan. So well done, Conan).

[via LessPopMoreFizz, thanks to Ken for the tip]

But wait!  I wonder what Nic Cage would have to say about this…

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