Two years ago, when Saw VI was released on Halloween like the 5 installments before it, it marked what most people believed was the end of the repetitive torture porn franchise. Its opening weekend ($14 million) and worldwide ($61 million) grosses were the franchise’s lowest by far, and the toe tag was nearly applied. But Lionsgate saw it simply as a fluke and the studio went forward with last year’s Saw 3D, the most expensive of the series, and while it earned well worldwide, it was still a big disappointment. And thus Saw was declared dead.

Now if you believed that we would never hear from Jigsaw and his deadly gadgets again, you were dead wrong… *cues maniacal laughter, farts*

Lionsgate Vice Chairman Michael Burns spoke to CNBC Tuesday about the potential merger with Summit Entertainment and dropped the following nugget on the horror community:

I’m sure, some day, you’ll see Saw back in the picture

(Via Slash Film)

Well of course we will. How could we not in this Copper Era of remakes, reboots and re-releases? Lionsgate took one Halloween off – probably because it was broke – and people really thought that meant Saw movies were never going to be made again? Hell, I’m surprised there weren’t 10 straight-to-DVD sequels made this year alone.

But I love how Burns (no relation, unless he wants to hire me) pops the Saw reference like we’re all holding out for it. Now a sequel to The Cove, that would be something to get excited about.

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"I can't believe people will pay to see this again!"

It’s awfully fitting that during the same week that I started writing my feature for the Worst Movies of 2011, the studio that gave us my choice for the Worst Movie of 2010 has announced that it wants a sequel. Sony has decided that the story of five childhood friends who reunite at a lake house after their lives had led them apart was worthy of another chapter despite having no plot point to continue. I watched Grown Ups – twice – and the only thought I had at the end was: “They should have stayed apart.”

I don’t need to guess why they’re trying to make this sequel. On a budget of $80 million, the original grossed $271 million worldwide. That’s good enough to make it the highest-grossing Happy Madison film in the history of a company founded on bad actors meeting Sandler at comedy clubs. In fact, it was so successful that Sandler purchased matching Maseratis for his co-stars, David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James and Rob Schneider.

So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Sony wants another tug on the teat of Sandler’s cash cow. However, according to Variety and my prayers, Sandler isn’t signed on for anything. Yet.

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Back in 1995, Ice Cube was still basically the bad ass gangsta (or gangster if I’m not allowed to say it like that) rapper that we grew to know and love when one of our white friends copied a NWA tape from his cooler older brother in college. He was a year removed from his “Natural Born Killaz” collaboration with Dr. Dre, and when it came to his acting career, he was still Doughboy and Fudge to his fans. Then came Craig.

Friday was an instant classic, both as a comedy and as the official launch of Ice Cube: Movie Star, as well as the introduction of Chris Tucker. And like any true classic, Friday had a sequel (Next Friday) and like any true cinematic ATM, there was a third film. And now, presumably because Tucker needs money and Ice Cube can do whatever he wants, there will be a fourth Friday, confirmed by none other than Tiny “Zeus” Lister, aka DeBo.

Though Lister only appeared in the first two films, he recently spoke with TMZ (via Movies.com) and revealed that he’s soon meeting with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker about doing yet another Friday sequel.

No word on where the story might take the characters but Lister says, “This is gonna be the big one.”

(Via First Showing)

Tucker didn’t appear in the second or third installments because of “religious” reasons, but I imagine “homeless” reasons will make sure he shows up in this version. Which I am recommending be named Is It Saturday Yet?

[Vince's Note: "Tiny Zeus" is my nickname for my penis.]

In case you forgot, Universal is still moving forward with a big screen adaptation of the 1980s video game “Asteroids.” The game, of course, was about a triangle that spins around in circles and fires at trapezoids that split into tinier shapes, supposedly representing giant rocks hurling through outer space. At some point, an executive at Universal said, “People would probably want to watch a movie about that triangle” and he cut a check for a few million dollars to buy the rights.

Now, the Lorenzo di Bonaventura production, being directed by none other than Roland Emmerich, has picked up a writer, who will somehow create a plot for this film, while pretending that Armageddon never happened. I like to think we all already pretend that.

Universal’s adaptation of the Atari video game Asteroids, meanwhile, will be written by Evan Spiliotopoulos. Matt Lopez (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) originally worked on the script. Spiliotopoulos was a writer on the upcoming Snow White and the Huntsman.

The trade says “the plotline for the film adaptation has evolved into the story of two estranged brothers that must team up to save Earth from an alien race.” [Via Coming Soon]

Hold on, an alien race? I assume they’re going to imply that creatures from outer space are suddenly firing giant space rocks at Earth and these estranged brothers will have to overcome their hatred of each other – probably because one married the other’s high school sweetheart or raped his dog, or something like that – to fly away in a triangle and spin around and break the asteroids into tiny little pieces. There, I just saved Spiliotopoulos a lot of time.

I found him. He's behind the virgin.

Back in June of ’09, Vince pointed out that back in March of ’08 I made an absolutely hilarious* comment about “Where’s Waldo?” becoming a movie. So of course it didn’t surprise anyone when Universal and Illumination Entertainment stole my idea and paid seven figures to turn a series of books about a dork in a striped sweater getting lost at the beach into a live action film.

Well forget about those companies, because now MGM has the rights to Waldo and the studio that was in financial hell only one year ago is finally making this 24-year old character that has never had a plotline come to life.

Classic Media will produce the picture for MGM , with co-CEO Eric Ellenbogen and Hanford’s business partner Mike Gornall executive producing. “Waldo is the most searched-for character in the world,” said Ellenbogen in a statement. “With thanks to MGM, fans everywhere will find Waldo in movie theaters with his motion picture debut.”

(Via Slash Film)

Yeah, maybe now that Bin Laden is dead. But what the hell has Waldo done for me lately? All I’m saying is that this movie better not be two hours of us staring at a barber pole only to realize he’s hiding behind a little boy with a bunch of balloons. God I hated that book.

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