In case your day was going too well, professional joke ruiners Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are back with a trailer for The Starving Games, a play on The Hunger Games so lazy and shitty that it wouldn’t have made the brainstorming session at Geico’s ad department. Things they lazily include poorly-executed references to include: Avatar, 3D, GI Joe, The Avengers, 50 Shades of Grey, Angry Birds, and of course, Gangnam Style. Of f*cking course. This trailer is so bad I stubbed my toe, got a papercut, broke the yolk on the egg I was frying and emailed dick pics to my boss. I’m just sad Mel Brooks had to live long enough to see this.

IMDB doesn’t yet list a US distributor, but financing was apparently provided by Film Production Capital, founded by William D. French and Stephen G. Roberts.

BOO THESE MEN!

Lending money to Seltzer-Friedberg should be viewed as a business practice nearly on par with dumping toxic waste in the groundwater.

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Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, the duo who transformed spoofs from timeless, fun-for-all-ages toilet humor and sight gags like Airplane! into screechingly obnoxious mash-ups of poorly executed non-jokes that felt stale years before they were made in films like Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, and Date Movie, have won financing for their latest “spoof,” Superfast. THAT’S NOT EVEN A CLEVER TITLE! GOD I HATE THESE PIECES OF SHIT SO MUCH!

Phew, sorry about that. (*composes self, picks up glass eye off floor, cleans it with sleeve, pops it back into socket*)

The filmmakers’ longtime collaborator Peter Safran (“Scary Movie”) will produce and fully finance the project.
K5 International is handling foreign sales at Cannes, where it’s also shopping the Safran-produced Paul Walker movie “Vehicle 19.”
“Jason and Aaron will drive audiences crazy with this latest parody. It’s a franchise that’s crying out for some high octane comedy collisions and these are the guys to get a speeding ticket doing it,” said K5 International co-founders Oliver Simon and Daniel Baur.
“These guys have no reverse gear. They probably don’t have first or second either. This is going to be one ridiculously funny ride,” added K5 exec Carl Clifton. |TheWrap|

I think it would really complete the automotive pun if someone shoved these shit peddlers into traffic.

A just society would shun Seltzer and Friedberg. It’s an insult to all of us that the nation of Cuba suffers an embargo while these two jackasses can walk around LA drinking coffee and eating food and breathing free air through their spittle-flecked donkey lips without getting tazed.

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If there was ever any doubt that Bam Margera was the least likable of the Jackass crew (a generally pretty likable crew, otherwise), let his latest music video buttsquirt that doubt or whatever. Set in Iceland with a naked dancing Icelandic stripper (I assume), Bam raps about how he wants to bend his dick to his ass (“so I could f*ck myself”) over some awful dub-step wub-wubbage. Uh, okay. He wears his usual collection of obnoxious clothes and pees in his own mouth like a monkey, high level satire. As always, his whole “I don’t even care, bro, I’ll make a music video about f*cking my own butt where I pee in my mouth because I don’t care so hard” attitude is undercut by the fact that he’s wearing about 26 different articles of clothing. Astronauts could get dressed faster. Is that a big part of his obnoxiousness, or is it everything else? And serious question, is this the worst song ever recorded?

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It doesn’t get repeated often enough, but Fifty Shades of Grey started as Twilight S & M fan fiction written under the name “Snowqueens Icedragon.” (It’s unclear whether there was an apostrophe). Then, like an existentialist’s most masochistic boner fantasy about the animal nature of mankind, it spread through society like a venereal disease, eventually coming to encompass

“Well, there is going to be a lot of sex in the film,” [screenwriter Kelly Marcel - pictured] says breezily. “It will be rated NC-17 [18 here]. It’s going to be raunchy.” While they are not toning it down — “We are 100% going there” — some of the sex scenes have had to be edited out in order to get some plot in. “We did go through and decide which are our favourites and which are not,” she concedes. “Most of them are in there, but I can’t say more than that.” By “we”, she means herself and EL James.

Marcel has just returned to her house and dogs in Twickenham, after spending 10 days hanging out with the author in LA, poring over Fifty Shades in James’s hotel room, “with me going, ‘I just love Christian Grey, I feel…’ ” she sighs theatrically, “‘very deeply for him.’ ”

Did she then point at her vagina? I hope she then pointed at her vagina. “But why did you say ‘very deeply’ twice?” “I didn’t.

Discussing the finer points of Grey’s performance became second nature, so much so that at one point, when they were discussing the “contract” in the book (what Anna will and won’t agree to sexually), the maid came in “and we just carried on talking, ‘Fisting or no fisting?’ And suddenly she stopped dead. The poor maid. It was hilarious.” [TheSundayTimes]

Poor maids, they don’t know nothin’ about sex without Arnold Schwarzenegger there to demonstrate. Anyway, the script isn’t finished, no one has been cast yet, and the interview never follows up on whether the movie will include fisting like the book apparently does. But I’m guessing yes. I mean, it is a love story.

When Miley Cyrus’s So Undercover was first reported, it was called “I’m, Like, Sooo Undercover,” a script by Allan Loeb, who’s either a brilliant supervillain who uses his understanding of Hollywood execs’ weaknesses to manipulate the system for his own financial gain, or some kind of idiot savant who just happens to have his greasy sausage fingers on the pulse of the studio script-buyer zeitgeist. Loeb traffics exclusively in films that sound like serious parodies, such as Here Comes the Boom, Adam Sandler’s Just Go With It, The Dilemma, and that one where Jason Batemen switches Jennifer Aniston’s semen. He writes three of these a year, and probably spends a bout a half hour on each. Like I said, possibly a genius. There are a few things you should know about his latest before you watch the trailer below.

• Miley Cyrus plays a hard-nosed private investigator. That’s right, MILEY CYRUS. A private dick.

• FBI agent Jeremy Piven needs her to go undercover at a sorority house. Just like Harland Williams and Martin Lawrence in a fat suit before her. It’s the plot of almost every teen movie.

• Is there a scene where a flamboyant gay man cringes at having to turn a no-nonsense Sandra Bullock type into Miss Congeniality? YOU BET YOUR TIRED STEREOTYPES THERE IS!

Wasn’t a bumpkin getting made up to look purdy the entire plot of Hannah Montana? It’s like this chick’s entire career is based on people wanting to give her a haircut.

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