Not pictured: the corner
Via Movieweb:
Lionsgate is gearing up for a remake of the 1987 classic Dirty Dancing and has set Julia Dahl (Uptown Girls) to work on the script, according to Production Weekly.
The original starred Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey as a young woman in the summer where she meets Johnny Castle (Swayze) who teaches dance at a family Summer Camp and in his off hours Dirty Dances with the other dancers. She learns a routine so that one of the women can recover from an abortion and becomes Johnny’s lover [Ed. - That is dark as hell for a movie my 8-year-old classmates were into].
How are they possibly going to update this? Is Baby going to win a booty shake (NSFW) competition? Is Johnny going to throw dem poak chops? Instead of an abortion, is Johnny’s girlfriend going to be raising money to have 12 embryos implanted so she can get a reality show contract? Oh well, if Julia Dahl messes this up, there’s always barber college.
~ robopanda
(He fills those gloves with Vaseline to keep his hands soft for Big Show)
If watching round-the-clock Michael Jackson coverage and reading the stories about a planned View-Master movie have brought you dangerously close to losing faith in humanity… you probably shouldn’t read the DVD charts.
The top-selling home video release for the week ending July 5 was 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment’s “12 Rounds,” an actioner that was one of the last films from the now-shuttered Fox Atomic division, launched two years ago to produce low-budget theatricals aimed at teens. The film also managed to snag the No. 1 sales spot with estimated unit sales of fewer than 150,000 discs, according to Home Media Magazine’s market research department.
And yes, 12 Rounds was that movie starring a WWE wrestler that combined a they-kidnapped-John-Cena’s-wife plot with a madman-toys-with-the-police plot. I think they may have even squeezed some torture porn in there. Man, if that was number one, what was number two?
“12 Rounds” was followed on the sales chart by HBO’s season five TV DVD set of “Entourage,” which debuted No. 2 and sold nearly 87% as many copies as “12 Rounds,” albeit at a much higher list price. [THR]
Well sure, I can see that. I saw an HBO first-look at Entourage the other day that said, “The boys are really growing up this season - Turtle has a girlfriend.” It’s amazing, she likes shoes and hats too! Oh my gosh, which A-list director should Vince work with next? Let’s discuss this by the pool! Haha, now Johnny Drama’s working on his tan. Classic.
This is the red-band trailer for The Collector, though I don’t know what’s red-band about it, it doesn’t have any boobs or swearing. It was directed by Marcus Dunstan, writer of Saw IV, V, and VI (easily the sequeliest of all the Saw movies) and features… uh… a guy in a gimp mask… made of cow turds… and some bear traps. This looks exceptionally boring. I don’t get it, am I supposed to care if this guy murders these people? Because I don’t. I just don’t want anyone in the audience to breed. I liked this better when it had a completely different plot, Morgan Freeman, and was called The Bone Collector, which was also Morgan Freeman’s nickname in high school.
The other day in a radio interview, the host was asking me about Hollywood’s hard-on for remakes and movies about toys. “What’s next?” the host asked me, “A movie about Pong!?” That’s right, the most preposterously retarded idea he could think of is almost identical to an idea Universal considers good enough to spend millions of dollars on.
Universal has won a four-studio bidding war to pick up the film rights to the classic Atari video game “Asteroids.” Matthew Lopez will write the script for the feature adaptation, which will be produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura. [Lopez recently worked Bedtime Stories and wrote the latest draft of The Sorcerer's Apprentice, while Di Bonaventura bears responsibility for G.I. Joe.]
In “Asteroids,” initially released as an arcade game in 1979, a player controlled a triangular space ship in an asteroid field. The object was to shoot and destroy the hulking masses of rock and the occasional flying saucer while avoiding smashing into both. [THR]
A F*CKING BIDDING WAR. For a movie based on three dots that shoot one dot at other small clusters of dots. If you can think of anything stupider than this… someone in Hollywood will pay you a lot of money. GREAT NEWS, EVERYONE, TOM CRUISE JUST SIGNED ON TO PLAY BLINKING LIGHT NUMBER FOUR! SOMEONE FINGER MY ASSHOLE SO I KNOW I’M NOT DREAMING!
(These are not the dorks you’re looking for…)
The last Indiana Jones movie had one of the stupidest plots ever conceived and the action scenes looked like they were shot at the make-your-own-video booth at the mall. Oh, but it made $786.6 million dollars, at least 750 of which from people leaving the theater going, “‘To the space between the space’? That was retarded.’” Yadda yadda yadda, of course they’re making another one. As Shia LaBeoueouwf tells the BBC…
“Steven [Spielberg] just said that he cracked the story on it before I left and I think they’re gearing that up,” LaBeouf said. Last summer’s blockbuster was made for about $185 million and earned $786.6 million worldwide. It was the second-highest earner of 2008, behind just The Dark Knight.
To pretend these guys are out there searching for an elusive plot to this movie like it’s Jack the Ripper on the loose is just insulting. If anyone offered script notes on the last one it would’ve just been “Dude, are you effing serious?” written on the cover in red sharpie. The true story is that George Lucas is on his ranch dunking 10-year-olds in oil and then rolling them in giant piles of money while Spielberg shoots at them for fun. Spielberg f*cking hates kids. True story. He calls them “the least dangerous game.”
