Reference Reference Reference Reference (*Fart*)

Scre4m is like a thousand amateur Freudians queefing in an echo chamber and then discussing it for the next hour.  It is an amazing combination of ambitious, pretentious, narcissistic, and idiotic.  It is a remedial-English class slam poem. This is a film in which each character can demonstrate familiarity every horror film franchise and plot cliché of the last 60 years, yet seem totally unaware when they’re actually executing one.  It is a film shamelessly aspiring to meta post-modernism in which Anthony Anderson plays a sassy black deputy who exclaims “DAMN!” unironically.  It is boring, pointless, obnoxious, and terrible.  Oh, and one scene involves, I kid you not, DUELING WEBCAMS.

The film begins with about six cutesy false openings in a row, always beginning with the iconic (I guess…) scene where two girls are in a house, and one of them gets a call from Ghostface.  You know the drill: she thinks it’s just a joke at first, but then it’s not and she gets killed, only really she doesn’t, because then the camera pulls back and it turns out the previous false opening was actually just a horror movie on TV, which two new girls were watching.  Then the two new girls talk about how horror movies are stupid (WINK WINK, AUDIENCE!), and the process begins anew.  This continues until it’s finally not a winky inside joke anymore and the movie can actually start.  DESENSITIZING THE AUDIENCE TO YOUR OWN ARTIFICE BEFORE THE STORY EVEN BEGINS, WHAT A BRILLIANT STRATEGY!

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Well, folks, it’s come down to this.  I’ve been training all year, squeezing stress balls and doing forearm curls to the beat of Eye of the Tiger, and finally it’s tonight.  The Scream Awards on Spike.  The Super Bowl of Dismissive Wanks. In between finding out which studios paid Spike the most money and Olivia Munn shooting pyrotechnics out of her cooter, we’ll get to see the new trailer for Scream 4, which is apparently still  Scre4m.  In the trailer, new Scream expository dialogue guys Rory Culkin and Erik Knudsen explain to us the rules of the modern horror movie, which are themselves a parody of old horror movie rules, which the original Scream parodied.  The new movie, which is itself a parody, promises to parody those new rules, which are themselves parodies, as well as being a worthy parody of the original Scream, which was of course a parody. (*BRAAAAAAAAAHM*)  Sorry, that wasn’t the Inception foghorn of meta-ness, I just farted.

It stars David Arquette, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, Alison Brie, Adam Brody, Kristen Bell, Anna Paquin, and a bunch of other people.  Is one of them Anthony Anderson?  You god d*mned well better believe one of them is motherf*cking Anthony Anderson. I cannot wait for Scre4m, which I will carefully pronounce, “Scree-forum”.

[via JoBlo]

With writer Kevin Williamson working hard on the second season of Vampire Diaries, it’s a little unclear who is handling script duties for Scream 4 right now. Currently in production, a series of confusing rumors and Tweets – perhaps started by Williamson himself – have placed the script in the hands of Ehren Kruger, and possibly even director Wes Craven. It’s a mystery wrapped inside of a suspense folded into a riddle and enveloped by a *fart noise*.

Craven denied on his Twitter that he was handling the script rewrites, and while it has been reported that Kruger was completely changing the script after Williamson quit, Kruger is apparently just “polishing” the writing. However, Kruger, who wrote the third installment, is being accused of dumbing down some of the characters, which has left Hayden Panetierre upset with her role.

Me no like hard words, Slash Film:

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In a recent interview, Wes Craven tells us all about his upcoming Scream movie, which begins shooting in June:

“There have been 10 years of no Ghostface, but there has been the movie-within-a-movie Stab. We have fun with the idea of endless sequels, or “sequelitis” as Kevin calls it in the script. Sid (Neve Campbell) goes through these three horrendous things, and Stab was based on those horrible things. And then they’ve been taken by a studio and run into the ground in a series of sequels.”

“…Part of the humor of Scream 4 is when characters comment on that. “Enough of Saw 25 and all!” [Laughs] A lot of films, directors, and studios are the butts of some of the jokes. In order to figure out what’s happening around them, the characters have to figure out where the genre of horror is. So this is a look at horror after 10 years of a lot of sequels rather than original films coming up year after year. One film is successful, and then they make 25 of them. I think it’s time for something new. I’ve done remakes of my own films, too, with The Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes, but we feel it’s time for something new and different, and that’s what this film is going to be.”

“I’m fascinated by what this movie is. I can’t think of another film that has not only a true trilogy, where you’re following a single central character over three pictures, but has the complexity to the story and other characters that also have continued along. And then 10 years later, to come back to those same characters and same actors, and continue that story in a way that’s totally organic. It’s kind of unprecedented.”

That’s neat, Wes Craven.  But you lost me at “SCRE4M”.  N0 T4@nks, h0m3y.

(We call this position ‘Congress of the Crotch’)

Neve Campbell was something of a sex symbol back in the day, perhaps due to the fact that she can’t OPEN HER DAMNED EYES ALL THE WAY!  OH I’M SORRY, IS IT TOO BRIGHT FOR YOU IN HERE, HARTNETT?   (*clears throat, shuffles papers*) Another thing that was popular in the 90s was Scream.  That’s why Bob Weinstein is greenlighting Scream 4, hiring Neve Campbell, and spraypainting his Jnco pants*.  And just like that, it’s suddenly cool to make your girlfriend wear that mask during sex again.

“I’m heading back to my franchise films,” Weinstein declared, citing plans to shoot sequels to “Hellraiser” and “Scanners” in 3D. Also on the slate are remakes of “Short Circuit” and “An American Werewolf in London.” “These films are our strength, and we are committed to doing them in style.”  In addition, the company wants to shoot “Halloween III” in 3D, aiming to release it in October 2010. Dimension also is remaking the cult classic “Children of the Corn.”

“Scream 4″ will start production in April or May as the first of a new trilogy, and the company is talking to Wes Craven to direct, Weinstein reports. In addition to Campbell, Courteney Cox and David Arquette will return to the “Scream” franchise.  [Variety]

Phew, they got Courteney Cox and David Arquette?  I was worried this wasn’t going to have any bankable stars.

*unconfirmed