[Pic courtesy of Mr. Magwitch -- Source]

Well folks, it’s after 5:00 on the east coast and I haz teh tiredz. So in lieu of your normal, full-length Weekend Movie Guide post, I’ll keep this simple:

WORTH SEEING: Drive, The Guard, Shut Up Little Man, Our Idiot Brother

If Contagion interests you at all, you’ll probably like it. It interested me zero (I thought I was at the screening for Warrior) and I thought it was okay. I still haven’t seen Warrior, but Joe King says it made a grown man in an Affliction shirt cry. I don’t know if that’s a good thing. Meanwhile, Bucky Larson picked up five more reviews since we last checked, and remains at 0% on RottenTomatoes. Larson Watch continues. As does the wait for Armond White’s inevitable trashing of Drive.

OPENING WIDE LIKE YOUR MOM THIS WEEKEND:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Yeah, so I tapped out on this whole series about four years ago, since once I’ve seen a guy get it on with a horse* there isn’t much more that I need to see.  But look, here’s another movie.  And it’s in more than one part. Fantastic.  *allegedly in a play

The Next Three Days

Russell Crowe will stop at nothing — not even a buffet — to break his wife out of prison. He does know he can buy cake at the store and doesn’t need her to cook those for him right? Anyway, I know what I won’t be watching in the next three days. *sad trombone*

IN LIMITED RELEASE:

127 Hours

This opened in limited release awhile ago but Vince wanted me to cover it anyway.  You should read his review so I don’t have to explain what it’s about.  The ship sinks, Rosebud is a sled, and he was dead the whole time.  127 hours is probably how long you’ll feel like this movie is lasting, so that’s apt.

Heartless

Jim Sturgess has a weird face, wanders around East London taking photos, sees demons, and makes a deal with the Devil. Also, he’s in some movie opening this weekend.

Made in Dagenham

The true story of a group of women who went on strike in 1968 to demand equal pay.  In other news, pink collar jobs still pay significantly less.  Way to drop the ball, Dagenham ladies.

White Material

And we’re back to your mom.  I like how this post came full circle.

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OPENING THIS WEEKEND

Unstoppable
LOOK OUT!  THERE’S A TRAIN FULL OF C4 AND SARIN GAS HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE RETARDED ORPHANAGE!  A few people have emailed me today wondering how this could be tracking 90% among top critics on rottentomatoes. I have no idea. Frotcast guests Lindy West and Laremy Legel both say it’s laughably terrible, and I’m inclined to trust them.  That said, there are few things I enjoy so much as a laughably terrible movie, so I’ll be seeing this faster than a MISSILE THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING.  Thanks, Professor Rosario Dawson, your awesome boobs are right again! (Side note: Commenter HohosWeKnow suggested it should be called “Train Day”, which I thought was pretty brilliant).

Skyline
Aliens invade, Eric Balfour shouts.  Actual dialog from the trailer: “What happened?” “He just disappeared!” “My God!” “Reports are coming in!” “They’re everywhere!” “He’s right!” “RUN!” “AAAAAGHHH!”  “Don’t you get it? We’re at war!”  …So yeah, what else do you need to know?

Morning Glory
Rachel McAdams’ butt stars.  Harrison Ford tells Dianne Keaton to “suck it,” though I’m not sure what that has to do with Rachel McAdams’ butt.

Tiny Furniture (NY & LA)
I haven’t seen it, but writer/director/star Lena Dunham did once interview me a few years ago before she became a famous writer/director/star, so clearly she has impeccable taste.

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Opening this weekend are Hereafter and Paranormal Activity 2.  I don’t really care about either of those enough to do a normal Weekend Preview post, so I made this Jackass gif instead.  I hope you guys don’t mind.  I could watch this all day.  Here’s an even bigger version of it.

Anyway, have a good weekend, listen to this week’s Frotcast, and drunk on.

"Hooked one!"

WEEKEND PREVIEW. Hey, guys, I didn’t do a Weekend Preview this week, because the thing is, sometimes daddy falls asleep.  But the movies opening are Life As We Know It, My Soul To Take, Secretariat, and It’s Kind of a Funny Story. Pete Hammond called Secretariat “this year’s Blind Side.” That’s kind of a funny story.  Seems more like seven years ago’s Seabiscuit to me, but who really cares.

FROTCAST MAILBAG: I’ve been inundated with emails from people who loved this week’s Frotcast (hint hint, mothereffers). The content of a lot of the emails is funnier than 85% of the stuff I’ve written on this site (thanks to Jeremy for the picture idea, for instance). So I was thinking, how about you guys email the Frotcast panel your best questions about relationship problems, revenge pranks, strange sexual encounters, or hell, maybe even some movie stuff (eh), and we’ll answer ‘em on the next ‘cast.  Let’s make this a real frotfest, and touch together as many virtual wiener tips as we can, figuratively speaking.

SORRY: for luring you here without much news to report.  That said, here are some of our favorite stories from the last week:

• Keanu Reeves learns of the Sad Keanu meme, approves, reveals himself to be nearly the coolest dude alive, second only to…
• Johnny Depp, who showed up at a 9-year-old British girl’s school, just so we could all have our hears fuzz-snuggled by the cutest news story of all time. (now with video — see below)

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