Opening this weekend (trailers after the jump):
Twilight Saga: New Moon
Were you aware? I think it’s based on a book or something.
The Blind Side
I’ve heard from semi-reliable sources that this movie is actually good, but I refuse to believe it. No way a film with the exchange “That boy’s changin yer lahfe.” “Nope. He’s changin’ mahne” can possibly be taken seriously. Purtend the quarterback’s yer new white momma, Mike!
Planet 51
It’s an animated kids movie about aliens, from the aliens perspective. Probably great if you’re 8 years old, or trying to entertain 8 year olds. Their little arms are so hard to pin down sometimes.
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
Possibly my favorite movie of the year, you can read my review here. It opens today in New York, LA, Chicago, DC and San Fran. In five days it will be out in Boston, Philly, Dallas, San Diego, Seattle, and Phoenix. If you live in one of those cities, go see it, or else Werner Herzog will strangle a newborn kitten and Nic Cage will have to sell his dinosaur skull.
Opening this weekend:
2012 opens this weekend. You know it, I know it, the kids in my rape van know it. I’ve already featured the trailer, the disaster porn version of the trailer, the no-effects trailer, and my favorite, the Raising Arizona music trailer. Anyway, it looks fun, and it’ll probably make a lot of money. Other than that, you’ve got Pirate Radio, which has a great cast but also a guy walking into a lamp post in the trailer, Fantastic Mr. Fox opening in NY and LA, Black Dynamite playing a few more places, and probably some other stuff that I don’t want to look up because it’s Friday. How about you just watch this awesome clip from Bad Lieutenant and we call it a week, shall we?
Opening this weekend (click titles for reviews, trailer after the jump)
The Box
Frank Langella has a box and if you press the button you get some money, but someone in the world also dies. So what’s the catch again? And how much are we talking, like a twenty spot, or less?
A Christmas Carol
A digital Jim Carrey stars in Robert Zemeckis’ latest attempt to make motion-capture happen. Dude, just film the damn actors, this computer crap looks stupid.
The Fourth Kind
Milla Jovovich and, uh, alien possession or something. I’m a little disappointing with the trailer because I know the first kind is golden showers, the second kind is poo play, and I was kind of intrigued to find out what the fourth kind was. Had my fingers crossed for some sort of shomit bukkake.
Men Who Stare at Goats
George Clooney, The Dude, Ewan Macgregor, goats — what’s not to like? I had high hopes, but the reviews haven’t been too good so far. And now I definitely won’t see it because I trust those fat, disgusting, know-it-all shut-ins like they were my brothers.
Precious
An inner-city girl goes on a quest for the magic ring that turned her fat so she can throw it off a mountain. Just kidding, of course, except the part about her being really fat. Supposed to be good, but then Oprah and Tyler Perry are involved and screw them.
(Get a job.)
The only major release this week is This is It, the Michael Jackson movie. I have no interest in seeing it (not because of a knee-jerk about him being a pedophile or anything like that, I’m just really, really sick of hearing about him) and I can’t imagine why anyone would, but it already made $2.2 million. And it’ll probably make a lot more because, hey, no competition. The only good thing I can imagine about it is seeing the dedication “For Blanket.”
The big limited releases are Gentleman Broncos, which is looking like a stinker, and Boondock Saints II, which, as I’ve already noted, is like watching a gorilla finger paint. Black Dynamite is still playing in New York, L.A., Atlanta, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Seattle. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s Friday and I’m going to go get drunk. Oh, and here’s a picture a dog dressed like Jackie O. Happy Halloween.
[via NYMag]
(Hot damn, now that’s what I call a wild rumpus.)
Opening this weekend (trailers after the jump)
Where the Wild Things Are
Holy hell, am I hallucinating? Is this movie actually finally coming out? Excuse me while I jizz sperms of happiness. It’s getting sort of mixed reviews, but most of the negative ones seem to be coming from a-holes I never agree with anyway, like Lou Lumenick and Mick LaSalle (this guy liked First Knight and trashed Braveheart, yet still has a job). I won’t get to see it until probably Monday and I don’t want to be a bandwagon jumper, but with Spike Jonze, I say it’s awesome until proven otherwise. I can’t wait.
Black Dynamite
Another one from the hell-yeah-it’s-about-freakin-time files. Though I still think the ending is dumb, aside from that it’s the best parody movie I’ve seen since the Naked Guns. Michael Jai White is amazing. In Obama’s America, I just know black kids are going to be leaving the theater cheering “Right on, right on, right on.”
Paranormal Activity
Expanding wide because of near-universally good reviews, will be easily the most profitable film of the year. Why can’t this happen more often? Instead we usually get Couples Retreat, which everyone knew was bad from the beginning.
Law Abiding Citizen
If Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler are in a movie together and it was good, don’t you think we’d have heard a lot more about it? These people have seen it. I probably won’t.
The Stepfather
Ooh, a horror movie remake, this would be really exciting if I was 13. And a dumbass.
New York, I Love You
Oh boy, twelve filmmakers, one of whom is Brett Ratner, direct a love letter to the city that never stops bragging about itself. I imagine I’ll hate this as much as I hate people who say “only in New York!”, as much as I hated people in San Diego bragging about the weather. You people realize they say “only in ____” in every GD city, right? Except Irvine. Read the rest of this entry »
