First things first: I didn’t read the graphic novel, and though I have a vague idea what’s in it, if you’re looking an outline of all the differences between the book and the movie or how faithful the film is to the book, look elsewhere.  And anyway, it’s a movie, it’s not your boyfriend.  Queer.

Now then: the ending sucks, it’s a little too long, and by the end the story’s loose ends dangle like retarded squid tentacles (rather than being all tied up in a pretty, glitter-covered package like the strippers in my basement).  But Watchmen is a SUCCESS. It’s worth watching and re-watching despite its flaws, on the strength of the fictional universe it creates, the chances it’s willing to take, and the random people it’s willing to kill in gruesome and hilarious ways.  The film has balls.  And though it pains me to say it, Zack Snyder just might be the visionary they’ve made him out to be.

Watchmen takes place in an alternate 1985, a world in which superheroes are real and Nixon is still president (because the superheroes helped him win Vietnam, you see).  Meanwhile, these events have exacerbated the Cold War, and the world is on the brink of nuclear apocalypse.  It can’t be overstated, the setting is the star of the film.  Probably 99% of the time, what you get in movies is a cinematic universe that’s either wholly fictional, or a world that’s more or less the same as the real one.  Watchmen treads a middle line, which is different and compelling in and of itself, and for the most part it manages to get the best of worlds.  It feels familiar and the history is relevant, but it’s still an escapist fantasy in which anything can happen, and it’s okay that part of you was amused when that pregnant chick got shot (maybe? not even a little?).

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After the jump I’ve got the title sequence for Watchmen, which is a great example of why I enjoyed the movie as a whole.

• Solid choice of music. This is probably the easiest part of movie-making (provided you can afford the rights), but it’s still nice to see someone do it right.
• Amazing visuals. And not amazing in a “we tried to make this look like a drawing” sense like in, say, Sin City, but actual great photography and camera movement.
• The whole dystopian quasi-reality thing has never been done this well. If the Kennedy assassination recreation at the 2:35 mark doesn’t make you spurt your shorts a little… well, you’re probably a much more well-adjusted adult than I am. Congratulations on that, Professor Coolguy von Iwearpantstowork. (It looks a little cooler on the big screen, where you can see the actual brain particles. What? Why are you looking at me like that?)
• The element of absurdity.  Having not read the comic yet, I sort of enjoyed the fact that they didn’t even attempt to explain a lot of stuff.  “Hey, uh, how come that girl can beat up 10 gun-wielding assassins at the same time?”  “Because, hippie.  Hey, wanna watch me cap this pregnant chick?”

In any case, enjoy.
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As expected, Watchmen kicked ass at the box office this weekend against basically non-existent competition.  Its $55.7 million dollar take, however, wasn’t quite up to studio estimates in the $60s, nor was it as big as Snyder’s $70 million opening for 300.  People will now probably blame the fact that Watchmen was dark and violent for it not quite living up to expectations, even though that was the film’s saving grace. Overall, film revenue is up 16% over last year.

Elsewhere, The Jonas Bros in 3-D shot from number two to number 9 (with a bullet), dropping 78% in its second weekend and proving that the NAMBLA crowd doesn’t have the box office clout they once did. 

Slumdog Millionaire landed in the four spot.  The film has gotten a bigger Oscar bump than any other movie in history, making it that much more surprising that Fox has announced a DVD release on March 31st.  Seems odd that they’d rush the DVD of a film that’s still doing solid business at theaters.  Then again, being surprised by something Fox does is like going to the zoo and being surprised when one of the monkeys masturbates to completion in front of your daughter.  Put a dumb beast in a cage or a business suit, anything can happen.

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Sorry I’m late on this half-assed weekend preview, folks, but the Bolt Bus to DC greatly overstates their wifi capabilities.

Opening this weekend:
The only big release this weekend is Watchmen.  I saw it last night and I’ll try to get a review up soon, but in a nutshell, if you go in not worrying about the book or about the fact that the ending will suck, it’s pretty goddamned good. Also, try to avoid fat guys with beards. They’ll stand around jawing about it, trying to sound smart for hours, comparing that shit to ancient philosophies and pretty much ruin the whole experience.  But on the plus side: rape, violence, nudity, and lots of blue cock.  Enjoy.
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A FilmDrunk reader sent over the video below, which re-imagines Watchmen as an 80s Saturday-morning cartoon.  It was animated by this guy, who’s apparently really good at drawing stuff.  The video isn’t what I’d call laugh-out-loud funny, but as an accurate parody, it’s pretty goddamned impressive. Kind of like my biceps.  Can you believe how much I’m curling right now?  It’s like the weights are levitating.  These aren’t arms, they’re firearms.
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