This was an extended week of commenting (I included the half week before New Year’s in this one) and not surprisingly there was an extended amount of cleverness.  As always, the way this works is, you nominate for next week’s CotW by pasting a funny comment in the comments section of this post below.  If you need help finding it, just bookmark it and/or consult the Comments of the Week link in the sidebar.  Aaaaanyway, first funny comment:

[from Clint Howard tattoo] Chino Moreno says: I have a Terrence Howard tattoo. I have to clean it constantly with baby wipes or it gets all irritated.

Now that’s an obscure reference.  But Terrence Howard is right, you know, baby wipes rock.  And I don’t care if they’re not made from recycled paper.  I like to be green, but so help me I will wipe my ass with spotted owl clits if it means not having to walk around with an itchy butt hole all day.  …Moving right along… Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Monday (talk about an oxymoron, LOL!), poopeaters.  I’ve got another copy of A Colbert Christmas to give away, so once again, here’s the run down:

Colbert is on his way to perform with Elvis Costello in New York City but is trapped by snow in his cabin in upstate New York (bear country).  Luckily, his friends Feist, Toby Keith, John Legend, Willie Nelson and Jon Stewart stop by to help him celebrate the season.  “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!” features original songs written by David Javerbaum (executive producer, “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”) and composer Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne), who recently collaborated on the Tony®-nominated Broadway musical “Cry Baby.”

Swell.  What say we start with a little Seagal bashing, shall we?  From the Steven Seagal has a reality show thread:

Stone Soup says, “I can just picture Seven Seagal busting open a front door using a 3′ salami as a battering ram.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Lots of people comment on FilmDrunk, and every once in a while, they’re even funny. Each week, I honor those special Drunkards.  Nominate a funny comment for next week’s "Comments of the Week" HERE (post is hidden, so bookmark it).

The comment-related hilarity vis a vis last week was impressive both in scope and intensity. More than a few comments LOL’d my milkshake, and yet, paradoxically, the winner wasn’t the comment that most caressed my funny boner.  An invisible hand guided me to choose a winner based on its singular ability to make me go “Whoa” like Keanu Reeves as I marveled at the magnificent truth loaf that had been so perfectly pinched upon my chest. 

I described the poster at left as Carrie Bradshaw being attacked by a lion.  And though I think Maxim dursted SJP bashing through sheer uncreative douchery,  I couldn’t deny that I’d been bested by Stone Soup:

"Working Title: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"

Amazing how that worked out, isn’t it?  It’s like he discovered a new The Wall-Wizard of Oz… uh, thing.  In fact, though Burnsy and Chodin were swinging the big beef like always, Stone Soup was on fire.   

From the Iron Man Stuff From All Over thread: [Speaking of the U2-3D IMAX movie] "It’s just two hours of un-necessary zooms on Bono’s face as he screams ‘Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!’"   

From the Jesus is Taking a Dump thread: "But soft, what wind from yonder stall breaks?" [How could I deny a Shakespearian fart joke? -Ed.]

From the Twilight Cast Photo thread: "These douchebag vampires are awfully well groomed for creatures who can’t see themselves in the fucking mirror." [Sometimes it's not so much that he makes me laugh, it's that he makes me go, "How the hell did I not think of that?" Congratulations. Cocksucker. -Ed]

Nine out of ten weeks, this would’ve been the winner:

From the Dark Knight Trailer thread, affleckwasthebomb says, "It was probably Ledger’s idea.  He was like ‘I f*cked the brother, now I want to f*ck the sister, I’ll f*ck this whole family if it kills me.’…………it did. If you f*ck Gyllenhaals you will die." [I'd include a disclaimer about the views of my commenters not reflecting the views of the Editor here, but the truth is I would've said this if I'd thought of it. -Ed.]

And I would’ve picked this next one even if today wasn’t Cinco De Mayo.  Probably.  I dunno, could be the tequila talking:

From the Towelhead thread: Watanabex says, "I’m currently working on an independent movie called Beaner, about a family of mexican immigrants who work on their lowrider to get it low enough so they don’t have to bend over to pick strawberries." [You're free to laugh, hippies, he's Mexican -Ed.]

Chodin also crushed it, as per usual:

From the JD Salinger thread:"Further into his letter, J.D. Salinger writes: …alas, have you been playing this new Atari thing? It makes writing look so f*cking gay- hold on, let me pause this shit."  [Most surpising part of the comments in this post?  Jacktion! avoiding a "Outta weed?  Crap, call up Caufield, I bet he's Holden." joke. -Ed.]

From the Gary Busey on Prayer Hour thread: "Gary Busey once killed a dragon by throwing a unicorn at it."

Then there were the rape jokes.  How could there not be.

From God Tries to Stop G.I. Joe: bryce says,"I swear I’m starting to lose it.  I have a training course evaluation to fill out and I thought the last question was ‘How would you rape this course?’  I nearly started writing ‘on a pinball machine while my redneck buddies held it down…’"

From The Escapist: The Mighty Fek’lhr says, "Violent retaliation for rape?  What happened to crying in the shower???"

Couple more Salinger jokes…

Burnsy says, "In 60 years someone will buy a letter on eBay that reads: ‘Dor sho ga, Forshak dwellers, The Crystal Skull made Him shit His pants! QAPLAH!’" [Pretty esoteric, but it was hilarious for me and like six other people. -Ed.] 

Donkey Hodey says, "I’m auctioning off a text message that may or may not be from Salinger.  It reads ‘Leboof iz teh gay’"

Burnsy says, "Salinger’s MySpace name is J.DEEZNUTZ<3DeNeUvE**RIP~LIL HEM." [God I hope there's more reclusive writer news to report this week.]

Also:

From the Dark Knight and Batman Trailers Compared thread: RoboPanda says, "Another fact about this trailer:  It syncs up perfectly with ‘What What (in the butt)’ by Samwell."

From the prison movie thread: Eibmoz says, "I fell in love with my cell mate once. But when she started to decompose, so did the magic." [Score one for the FilmDrunkettes]

From Jim Carrey’s Balls: Charlie Bronze says, "Dear Diary: Spent 5 minutes studying a photo of Jim Carrey’s ballbag.  My life is fantastic.  Dear Dairy: Just the one pint of semi-skimmed tomorrow and half a dozen eggs if you’ve got ‘em."

From the Hamlet 2 Poster thread:  Donkey Hodey says,
"Laertes:  Man, bitches ain’t shit!
Rosencrantz:  I feel ya, man
Laertes: What the f*ck did you just say about my sister?
Guildenstern:  Chill out man, he said "I feel ya" not "Ophelia"
Laertes: Oh."

Damn, I must admit that for a bunch of tasteless poop-joke lovers, you guys really have a knack for the literary stuff.  You cracked me up.  Drunk On.