Warner Brothers recently announced that it will reboot Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the big screen, and that could possibly be cool if they did it right and I’m not going to waste anyone’s time – they’re not going to do it right. WB will move ahead on a new Buffy without Joss Whedon, who wrote the original 1992 movie and directed the TV series. Presumably nobody from the original movie or TV show will be involved, which is unfortunate because David Arquette is really looking for attention right now.

Writing this new version is actress Whit Anderson, and you may be asking, “Hey Burnsy, how did you get so handsome and who the F is Whit Anderson?” And my answers are noneyabiz and she’s someone whose IMDb credits include two short films and the role of “Yes Patron” in Yes Man. But she loved Buffy as a kid, so it’s totally going to be, like, totally OMG fine.

So what say you, Mr. Whedon, on this resurrection and slap in the face? (Via E! Online)

“This is a sad, sad reflection on our times, when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths—just because they can’t think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself.”

I’ve never had two thoughts of an opinion about Joss, but just that initial response alone makes me want to buy the guy a Purple Haze and pose for funny Facebook photos with him. More of Whedon’s delightfully humorous response, as well as a look back at the faces (then and now) of this vampire franchise that paved the way for Twihards and their diabetes, after the jump…

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Sometimes we have to give Hollywood credit where credit is due, and most of the time it has to do with felching money from moviegoers. Take for instance this year’s remake of the 1981 Greek epic Clash of the Titans. Grossing more than $480 million worldwide, the film was a huge hit for Warner Brothers, so of course they’re going to push a sequel into production as quickly as they can. In fact, the studio is all set to begin filming in January 2011. The only problem is there is no star and no director.

Sam Worthington will begin filming the sequel to Avatar (Tard Harder?) later this year, which would impede his availability to reprise his role as Perseus. Director Louis Leterrier (translated: The Terrier) will not return, presumably having surrendered to a German director. That’s right, French jokes. The World Cup started today and I’m feeling patriotic for my homeland of Uruguay. But as for Titans, WB is locked in on Jonathan Liebesman (Darkness Falls, Battle: Los Angeles) to direct, but there is no plan in place should Worthington not be able to return. But just for poops and giggles, Channing Tatum is rumored.

Turn me to stone, Screen Rant:

With the solid success of the Clash of the Titans remake ($486 million worldwide on a budget of $125 million), it’s no wonder Warner Bros. is looking ahead to a sequel.

We reported back in April that Clash of the Titans 2 was moving ahead without Louis Leterrier returning to direct. Fast-forward to today and we’re hearing word that the Clash of the Titans sequel might be upon us sooner rather than later, with a shortlist of directors already drawn up.

Clash 2 will actually be filmed in 3D this time so it doesn’t feature the same post-production 3D eye-rape of the first installment. While a bunch of people died in the first one, it is also unknown if Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes will return to reprise their respective roles as Zeus and Hades. So if you’re keeping track at home, that’s a sequel going into production with no director and none of the stars set to return. Even Police Academy got the entire original cast locked in for four films.

Should Neeson and Fiennes decide to bolt (*bowtie won’t stop spinning*), the producers could always just go the nostalgic route and bring back the original Perseus, Harry Hamlin, this time to play the King of the Gods. And Lisa Rinna could play Athena and her lips could play Bubo. Problem solved.

Some stories need to be told again and again, so Warner Bros. is currently in talks with Bourne Identity director Doug Liman to once again capture the tale of the Three Musketeers. This version of Alexandre Dumas’ legendary story of Athos, Porthos, Aramis and their Mexican cousin Picos de Gallos, is currently uncast, as WB tries to lock down the predecessor to the Paul Greengrass seizure-cam Bourne films.

Take it away Variety:

Project was set up at the studio earlier this year by producer Lionel Wigram, who hired screenwriter Peter Straughan (“The Men Who Stare at Goats”) and Bridget O’Connor to update the swashbuckling tale. Wigram, who also produced “Sherlock Holmes” for Warners, has a first-look deal with the studio.

But come on, Warner Bros. If you’re going to remake a movie that’s been remade 600 times, you need something different. You need to take it to a new level. You need to… CHANGE THE GAME. But won’t someone step forward and change the Three Musketeers game already?

Brit helmer Paul Anderson is also prepping a 3D version of the tale for Summit with the backing of Germany’s Constantin.

Oh snap! I can read the New York Post headline now: “Limey Upstages Liman.” Paul W.S. Anderson is currently wrapping up Death Race: Frankenstein Lives and Resident Evil: Afterlife. Before he gets to work on his Musketeers project, he’s bringing the iconic Nintendo video game Castlevania to the big screen. I guess what I’m trying to say here is *long fart noise*.

- Burnsy

Answering the prayers of literally hundreds of internet nerds, Ryan Reynolds has been chosen to star in Warner’s Green Lantern movie.  Production is expected to start in January with Martin Campbell directing and a budget of around $200 million. On Friday it was reported that Warner had narrowed their potential Green Lanterns to Reynolds, Justin Timberlake, and Brad Cooper.  Reynolds already played Deadpool in Wolverine (which Fox still wants to spinoff into its own movie) and for a while was in talks to play The Flash.  So probably he seemed like the least creative option, and that’s what committees of businessmen usually go for.  Not that there’s anything wrong with Ryan Reynolds.  He seems perfectly capable of wearing tights and a power ring, and as far as anyone can tell, he’s nothing like Cam Gigandet.  Also, and this is neither here nor there, but I think Justin Limbersnake would be a really good porn name.

[via Variety]

Here’s a sad story: Watchmen, which may not have been perfect but was still a fine attempt at the rare, ballsy superhero movie, looks like it’s going to be outgrossed by 1997′s Batman & Robin - pretty much the gold standard in horrible horrible filmmaking (see video evidence below).

Seven weeks after its release, Watchmen’s legs have all but buckled. For the weekend just gone, the film brought home $199,114. That makes for a total take of $106,848,750 in America. It’s the 358th most successful film of all time in the US, and in 357th is Batman & Robin.

Overseas, things haven’t been as bright as hoped for either. The current international take for the film currently sits at $74,207,581, for a total worldwide gross of $181,103,123. For the sake of comparison, Batman & Robin drew over $130m overseas, for a total of $238m. We estimated, and we thought conservatively, that Watchmen would get to around $150m in the US, but it seems fairly clear now that it won’t even make it to $110m.

Out of Watchmen’s receipts has to come the exhibitors’ revenues, marketing costs, distribution expenses and such like. And then there’s the film’s budget, with the most conservative suggesting that it cost $120m to bring the film to the screen in the first place.

Off the back of box office returns such as Watchmen’s, it’s perhaps unsurprising that we’re not going to be seeing a mass market R-rated comic book movie for a long time to come. [DenofGeek via fark]

Sad.  But maybe the execs will be circumspect, and realize it wasn’t the tone or the rating that was to blame, maybe it was just unrealistic to think a cult graphic novel would compete with a movie about comic-book superheroes that have been around for 50 years.  Ha, just kidding. Of course they won’t.  They’ll just think “See? I told you we should’ve cast a Black-Eyed Pea.”
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