OPENING THIS WEEKEND
Indiana Jones and Remember That Time You Were a Kid?
You already read my review of it.  But if you’ve got the stomach be sure to also check out Harry from AICN’s mind blowingly sycophantic 8 jillion word review in which he basically calls it the best thing to happen to the universe since the big bang.  “Our childhood dreams captured at 24 frames a second and projected for us to relive laughing, clapping, gasping and shouting enthusiastically for."  Some say I shouldn’t be so negative.  To those people I say do me a favor and die in a fire.  Anyway, the movie’s at least worth seeing so you can make fun of the monkey scene.

The Children of Huang Shi
The movie has “Wang” in the title and was directed by Roger Spottiswoode.  I defy you not to giggle at that.

The Edge of Heaven
Critically acclaimed German film about a Turkish girl.  The trailer features both guns and skeezy euro hookers.  Looks pretty sexy, actually.  Also, the music makes me want to dance around my apartment like a Bollywood video.

Postal
At least seven of my readers live near a theater where this is playing. 

War Inc.
This military-industrial complex satire starring Ben Kingsley, John Cusack and Hillary Duff is probably going to suck, but that’s not going to stop me from continuing to refer to Ben Kingsley as Special K. 

Most disappointing headline ever?  Yes.  Most disappointing headline ever.  After the jump is a clip from political satire War, Inc. brought to you by John Cusack. The movie is about oh who cares it’s got Hilary Duff dancing sexily.  OWOOOOGA!

By the way, the word "sexily" is fun to say.  If you say it too many times, either the police arrest you or people think you’re talking about a new cereal.  Whole grain Sexily™, new from Kashi.  Chock full o’ nuts. – RoboPanda

[Video courtesy of MTV]

War Inc. is a military-industrial satire set in a fictional country called Taragistan, starring John Cusack, Joan Cusack, and Marisa Tomei. It opens May 23rd.

Cusack plays a hot-sauce chugging hit man assigned to kill a Middle East oil minister. His cover is that he’s producing a trade show that includes a wedding between a local pop star (Hillary Duff) and a politico, but complications ensue.

Sounds very much like Grosse Pointe Blank, one of my favorite movies – except with Hillary Duff, who ruins everything.  But did I mention Ben Kingsley plays a hilarious redneck? It’s funny because he’s small and Indian!