Rambo and Conan are axe fighting!

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

….Sorry …Can’t …Stop laughing. Sorry about that. Attempting to compose myself, here’s Sly Stallone in… some sort of… axe fight... (bite your tongue, bite your tongue) with Jason Momoa (Khal Drogo, Conan) in Walter Hill’s Bullet to the Head. Now, don’t get me wrong, Sly Stallone looks fantastic for a guy my dad’s age and I hope to be in half as good shape now, let alone 30 years from now…. But… let’s say you’re a five-foot-nine 66-year-old. Perhaps an axe fight with a jacked, six-foot-five Polynesian isn’t the most believable role for you. Even Jordan had to learn a jump shot. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, is this a movie, or one of those City Slickers camps where you get to play fantasy action star?

Incidentally, you know what else is going to smell like an Axe fight? Theaters screening this movie. Haa ch-cha cha cha.

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After the jump, we have the new trailer for WB’s Bullet to the Head, which, as you might have guessed by the title, isn’t about a dyslexic holocaust orphan who learns that life is beautiful when she discovers the cello. Instead it’s a Sylvester Stallone vehicle, and part of a growing pile of evidence that after the Expendables, all of Sly’s movies have basically become The Expendables – winking throwbacks to cheesy eighties action films. One last job, a fractured bromance, silly names – you know the drill.

Bullet to the Head: Sly plays an aging hitman who postpones retirement for ONE LAST JOB, because when they MURDER HIS PARTER and KIDNAP HIS DAUGHTER, this time it’s personal. Co-stars include: Jason Momoa, aka the new Conan, Christian Slater. Trailer soundtrack: “Hot Blooded,” by Foreigner. Sly’s character’s name: “Jimmy Bobo.”

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