Folks, sometimes we here at FilmDrunk like to take a time out from movie news to ponder the big questions.  Questions like, “Who’s better at fighting bears, Walker Texas Ranger (Chuck Norris) or Hercules (Lou Ferrigno)?”

Hercules seems to be a clear winner, on account of him beating up the bear and throwing it into outer space (though the bear’s ghost does growl menacingly at us).  Meanwhile, Walker defeats his bear simply by looking into his soul, like some kind of pacificist, new-age pussy.  What’s up, Chuck? I thought you were a Republican. Or maybe I switched on Walker Canadian Mountie by mistake? If so, my bad. 

*mouths “PUSSY”*
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That’s right, folks, it’s Chuck Norris’ 69th birthday today. Though when you’re Chuck Norris, every day is your 69th birthday, if you catch my drift.  Anyway, let’s all celebrate by not mentioning any gay Chuck Norris facts (Gary Busey facts are better anyway – for instance, did you know Gary Busey mails goldfish crackers to cash4gold.com?).  Instead, watch Chuck Norris wrestle a bear.  SPOILER ALERT: he defeats the bear using only his mind.  Because Chuck Norris knows that the mind is the most powerful weapon.  Especially if you teach it karate.

Additional tidbit: Dracula Bear would’ve kicked his ass.
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There’s a few more movie stories out there today, but I’m not gonna lie to you, they’re pretty F-ing boring.  So I thought, “Hey, why not Walker Texas Ranger riding a jetpack instead?”

[Thanks to Robo for the tip on the vid]