As we’ve been hearing for the last two weeks, this year marks the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future.  It’s been so long that in the second film, when they visit a future full of self-tightening sneakers, flying cars, and hoverboards, that was their idea of 2015.  This latest video from Landline TV, “Back to the Lame Future”, imagines what it’d be like if the 1985 Doc Brown were to be suddenly thrust into the real 2010, and how disappointed he’d be.  “It seems like everything in the future is smaller, cooler, and more expensive.”  It is insanely lame that we still don’t have flying cars or hoverboards, or that we can get the internet on an airplane, but I can’t toast bread any faster than my great grandpa.  COME ON!  GET WITH THE INSTANT TOASTERS ALREADY!  I’M A BUSY MAN!  I will say this though, if 2010 Marty had shown 1985 Doc Brown the breadth and availability of pornography in 2010, his head would’ve exploded.  In 1985, guys were still jacking it to the Swimsuit Issue like a retarded orangutan sleeping in the dirt.

Sidenote: I really like the phrase “thrust into the future.”  Like if I just hip thrust fast enough, I can take us both into the future, where pleasure roams the Earth.  Call me, ladies.

The Fine Bros made this video, Kids React To Viral Videos.  It’s a brilliant idea, and by turns hilarious and possibly racist (innocent racism being the best kind of racism), but it kind of fizzles out after the the double rainbow guy.  Since when is a Snicker’s commercial a “viral video?”  I want to know what the kids think of a real viral video, like 2girls1cup, or lemonparty.

MORNING LINKS

• An A-Z Guide To Endangered Animals And The A-Holes Who Keep Killing Them. |Uproxx|

• Helping orangutans get some nookie: Our highest calling? (Also, can we just call it orangu’tang for short?) |UproxxNews|

• You’re running out of chances to listen to this week’s Frotcast before we record the new one tomorrow.  Black Dynamite director Scott Sanders talks the worst scripts he’s read, Armond White Hammond, and more. |Frotcast|

• This British guy’s teeth are like a parody of British teeth. |WarmingGlow|

• Ha, I liked it when they fell. |WithLeather|

• The 10 funniest Halo Reach kills to date. |UnrealityMag|

• I don’t know what the hell the Gotham Awards are, but Winter’s Bone leads the nominations, and that movie was badass. |NERDS!|

Meet Fifi Rodriguez, the Scarface of Dogs. |AnimalsonDrugs|

• DeVry Institute of Technology hygiene memo. |HolyTaco|

• Robots took your job, explains redneck scientist. |GammaSquad|

• Tina Fey Signed Copy of “Going Rogue” By Sarah Palin. |Buzzfeed|

• Hellraise remake picks up a director, possibly Amber Heard. Yup, still don’t care. |ScreenJunkies|

• Dennis Eckersley maaaay have turned into Ray Finkle. |NYCBarstoolSports|

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I found this clip from 1987′s Howling III (additional trivia: the same screenwriter went on to pen “Pterodactyl Woman From Beverly Hills”) over at Buzzfeed under the heading, “this is the worst line ever written for screen.”

Here’s the exchange in question:

PRIEST: Don’t be afraid of me, my child, I want to help you.
GIRL: I don’t need any help.
PRIEST: You should not run away from home.
GIRL: I don’t like home.
PRIEST: Why child?
GIRL: Because my step father tried to rape me.  And he’s a werewolf.

Um, I’m pretty sure that’s the best line ever written.  And coincidentally, that kind of childhood trauma is how foot-fetish guys are created.  I would argue the worst line ever written for screen is actually from Money Never Sleeps: “Bulls make money.  Bears make money.  Pigs get slaughtered.”   It reminded me of Tina Fey’s high-powered sexecutive in her SNL parody of Lipstick Jungle: “I’m a bitch in the board room, a boar in the bedroom, and a bear on the toilet.”

I admit, I have a tough time separating Adrian Grenier from the personality-free husk of a douchebag he plays on Entourage, which is probably partially his fault, but still a little unfair.  Adrian Grenier is more than Vinny Chase, probably.  He even directed a documentary, Teenage Paparazzo, about a 13-year-old celebrity photographer Grenier met and befriended.  It premieres on HBO later this month, and to promote it, Grenier has been making viral-ish videos like this one, starring Kristin Cavallari, Kim Kardashian, Bob Saget, Mario Lopez and Vince from Shamwow, among others, promoting a fictional “S’leb Suit”, to protect celebrities from the paparazzi.  Get it?  It’s like a one of those radiation suits.  Pretty funny, right?  Well, okay, maybe not, but sort of wacky.  And definitely satirical.  Ish.  Hmm, well it’s campy, anyway.  …Christ, is there really two more minutes of this left?  Maybe it gets funny at the end.  I guess we’ll never know.

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If you’ve been reading this site long, you already know that two of my favorite things in the world are gratuitous swearing and curmudgeonly old men.  Which is why the news of a documentary about the foul-mouthed, internet-famous “Winnebago Man” (watch the clip after the jump), made me wheeze with sedentary delight like George Lucas chasing neighborhood cats.  The documentary about the search for the colorfully vulgar guy in the video (Jack Rebney) played to rave reviews at SXSW last year, and this year you might actually get to see it.

Earlier today, I received word that WINNEBAGO MAN was picked up by Kino International and will begin what I hope is a fruitful national run in New York on July 9. Even better news for folks in Chicago is that the film will be previewed at the Gene Siskel Film Center on June 16 in collaboration with the TBS Comedy Festival, with director Ben Steinbauer on hand to answer audience questions. I can guarantee you this thing will sell out, so please buy your tickets early HERE. [AICN]

From what I hear, the film is equal parts hilarious and touching, like my uncle Joe the famous stand up comic and pedophile.  I don’t know about you, but there’s something about an old man angrily cursing the heavens that just makes me go all gooey inside.  (“Thanks a lot, Tony.  DON’T SLAM THE F*CKIN’ DOOR, TONY.”)  I think a great movie would be Clint Eastwood, Mickey Rourke, Nick Nolte, and Rip Torn, forced to share the same uncomfortable hotel room and roused from bed at an ungodly hour.

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