Some internet genius has one-upped us all today, taking Under Siege and recutting it as a silent film. We’ve seen some silent movie edits before, but this is magical. Consider the source. Under Siege was a landmark film for a number of reasons. For one thing, it was the high-water mark of Steven Seagal’s career – he was working with TWO Oscar nominees! – after which it would be all downhill, when word of his unique physiological reactions spread around and he was relegated to the undercards of Hollywood and could no longer keep track of space or time. But the early 90s was a more innocent, more ponytailed time. Then there was the unforgettable naked Erika Eleniak popping out of a cake, a scene that doesn’t need me to justify its historical import. Which is to say nothing of the plot itself, the archetypal “ship’s cook saves the day,” which became so iconic that a lying pastor in Pennsylvania eventually tried to pass it off as his life story, and was used in at least six more straight-to-DVD Seagal movies. This film should be required viewing in high school classrooms.