Last week, Vinnie brought us the mysterious story of a package that arrived at the University of Chicago admissions department, addressed to one Henry Walton Jones, Jr., or Indiana Jones as you and I jocks have taken to calling him. Of this strange piece of mail, our brave leader opined that the best explanation for it was simply viral marketing, which led to a number of commenters agreeing that this was something right out of the University of Chicago’s, um, book.

Of course, the rest of us quietly hoped that this was something bigger and better. Maybe it was the beginning of a new chapter of Indiana Jones, one that would make up for Shia LeBeouf swinging on vines through a jungle with a bunch of monkeys or the idea that hiding in a fridge can protect you from a nuclear blast. Maybe, just maybe, this was George Lucas’ and Steven Spielberg’s way of creating a new buzz for the next Indiana Jones adventure, in which our hero gives us the last hurrah that we so desperately deserve…

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A package arrived at the University of Chicago admissions department yesterday addressed to Indiana Jones, and as of now, no one knows why. The news come to us via the U Chicago Admissions tumblr, and while I would never disparage the place that hosted our live Frotcast last month, so far the most surprising part of this story is that the University of Chicago has a Tumblr. (The site seems legit, so far as I can tell).

We don’t really even know how to start this post. Yesterday we received a package addressed to “Henry Walton Jones, Jr.”. We sort-of shrugged it off and put it in our bin of mail for student workers to sort and deliver to the right faculty member— we get the wrong mail a lot.

Little did we know what we were looking at. When our student mail worker snapped out of his finals-tired haze and realized who Dr. Jones was, we were sort of in luck: this package wasn’t meant for a random professor in the Stat department. It is addressed to “Indiana” Jones.

What we know: The package contained an incredibly detailed replica of “University of Chicago Professor” Abner Ravenwood’s journal from Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. It looks only sort of like this one, but almost exactly like this one, so much so that we thought it might have been the one that was for sale on Ebay had we not seen some telling inconsistencies in cover color and “Ex Libris” page (and distinct lack of sword). The book itself is a bit dusty, and the cover is teal fabric with a red velvet spine, with weathered inserts and many postcards/pictures of Marion Ravenwood (and some cool old replica money) included. It’s clear that it is mostly, but not completely handmade, as although the included paper is weathered all of the “handwriting” and calligraphy lacks the telltale pressure marks of actual handwriting.

They posted it ostensibly in the hopes of spreading it around the internet and getting an explanation. That hasn’t happened yet, but there are a few theories:

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This story was all over the Yahoo homepage late yesterday, and it goes that a theater in Nottingham, UK sent children and parents running for the exits when they accidentally showed them Paranormal Activity 4 instead of Madagascar 3, like they paid for. EEK! THAT’S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT NUMBER SEQUEL!

According to a blog from Yahoo! Movies U.K., the parents grabbed their kids and ran from the theater. They suspected something was amiss when the opening scene of “Paranormal Activity 4″ featured (SPOILER ALERT) a corpse hurtling toward the camera. The little kids, who were expecting sassy penguins and talking zebras, weren’t amused.

Natasha Lewis of Bulwell in Nottingham, who took her 8-year-old son Dylan to see talking animated animals, said the unexpected horror movie scene was “enough to make grown men jump, so you can imagine the terror in these young faces.”

She continued: “Everybody just scrambled for the exits, all you could hear were children crying and screaming. Everyone was very upset. I’ve watched a few horror films in my time but the ‘Paranormal Activity’ films are the scariest since ‘The Exorcist’. It was only about two minutes worth of the film but it was enough to scar them for life. There were parents and kids in there, including some children who were younger than Dylan.”

“They started playing the movie and I thought – this doesn’t look right. And then I recognised the opening sequence as a flash back to the first movie, which I saw a couple of years ago.”
“It was only about two minutes worth of the film but it was enough to scar them for life. There were parents and kids in there, including some children who were younger than Dylan.” [Yahoo]

Gee, why does this sound like total made-up marketing horsesh*t? Could it be the fake-outraged marketing testimonial? “I’m telling you, don’t leave a KFC spicy chicken snacker on your coffee table, you could cause a housefire! I had one a few years ago and the only way I can describe it is ‘frighteningly zesty.’ They should really warn people, it’s too exxxtreme!”

I’m calling bullsh*t. Isn’t Paranormal Activity shot entirely in found-footage, black-and-white surveillance cam anyway? How’s that scary unless you can read? Those kids would be asleep 10 minutes in. I think Business Dog is behind this story.

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Fun fact: C-Tates loves comic sans.

I’ve regularly joked that Channing Tatum is the hardest workin’, twerkin’, lay it down, flip it and reversin’ it man in $how BiZZZnassssty, but it’s hard to deny that the guy has busted his ass to rise up from the ashes of Virginia Slims on the floor of The Sausage Factory to certified B-list status. With The Vow owning the box office this past weekend and 21 Jump Street more than likely set to do the same, Tatum is going to be around for a while, whether you feel it or not.

But the man who starred in five films in 2011 and will have released four more by the year’s end wants to do things a little differently moving forward. He wants to actually let his fans choose his new projects through social media accounts. Oh please, please, PLEASE let there be an “Other” option for me to recommend ideas.

“Studios — rightfully so because that’s the system — try to manipulate [people] into wanting something they might not want,” he said. “I don’t think that’s the right way to go about it. I want to straight up ask them: Should I make a comedy? An action movie? A love story?”

But as much as he values how social media fosters a conversation with fans, Tatum acknowledged that more operational details elude him. The actor said he “is not a computer person” and, like many other stars, pays someone to manage his Twitter and Facebook accounts. (Via the LA Times)

In case you missed it, The Vow had some hilarious Facebook marketing that featured Tatum giving Valentine’s Day love in videos that you could send to people. I sent one to Vince, but he didn’t respond. :(

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The conclusion of a viral marketing contest eventually led fans to the above picture of Tom Hardy as Bane in Chris Nolan’s upcoming The Dark Knight Rises, which started principal photography on Monday.  I would’ve covered the contest more closely before now, but viral marketing is for assh*les.

Bane, the chemically created brute who first appeared in the comics in 1993, is a “younger” villain for Nolan’s Batman mega-franchise, which has most prominently featured the Joker (who first appeared in 1940) , Two-Face (1942), Ra’s Al-Ghul (1971) and the Scarecrow (1941). But don’t let Bane’s relative newness fool you; the muscular juggernaut once broke Batman’s back in the comics. [LA Times]

And luckily, Brett Ratner wasn’t directing, or else he would’ve shouted “I’m the juggernaut, bitch!”   Anyway, Tom Hardy’s okay, I guess, if you like muscular, super-handsome yet masculine Brits who act really well.  Pff, whatever, man.

[Full sized, high-res version]