Here’s Ving Rhames, aka Marsellus Wallace, leaving a Big 5 Sporting Goods in Santa Monica on Friday, buying the place out of basketballs. I don’t know why he looks so pissed. Maybe he got forced into playing against a Princeton-style offense, and trying to defend all those guys going backdoor against his will really took a toll.

“Yo, Marsellus. You okay, man?”

“Naw, man. I’m pretty f*ckin far from okay.”

“…So what now?”

“What now? Let me tell you what now. I’ma call a couple of hard, screen-settin’ niggas, who’ll go to work on homes here with a pair of triangle sets and a high pick and roll. YOU HEAR ME TALKIN’, HILLBILLY BOY? I’ma get Pitino on your ass.”

[picture via TheSuperficial]

Piranha 3DD has a trailer and you can watch it below. The gist of it is that the piranhas have invaded a water park this time. Yes, a water park. At least this way, you can sterilize your bite wounds with all the Mexican pee. Also, David Hasselhoff is there for some reason. Oh, and Ving Rhames has a gun for a leg. This looks good.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s nice to see Jeremy Piven taking time out of his busy schedule of being the only competent actor on Entourage.  Here he stars in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, an Anchorman-esque comedy directed by Chappelle Show co-writer Neil Brennan.  He plays a used-car salesman, a role he’s been preparing for by dressing like one for years.  It also stars David Koechner, Ving Rhames, the Asian guy from Knocked Up, and James Brolin, who only a couple years ago was more famous than his son Josh.  Hopefully this will be his triumphant comeback film. But admittedly, the bar’s set pretty high when you’ve played Raven Kelly on Pensacola: Wings of Gold.

(Green band trailer above, R-Rated red-band trailer below)

Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, remember when I said The Goonies sequel would somehow involve Nick Cannon? Well, I was almost right, because he’s starring in (all up in?) a remake of The Day of the Dead.

It seems someone out there wondered how to do an original take on the most overused movie phenomenon ever (zombies), and came up with “Hey, let’s put Nick Cannon in it and have all of his dialogue be variations on ‘Damn, y’all white peoples is crazy.’”  It’s almost like someone made this just to mess with me, like, “Let’s get Fred Durst to direct a Jerry Bruckheimer movie and see if the FilmDrunk guy blows a gasket!”

You know, the original zombie movie, Night of the Living Dead, came out in 1968, and it also had a black protagonist.  And somehow, he managed not to relate everything he did to being black.  In fact, I don’t think it was even mentioned.  In 40 years we’ve gone backward as a society, and I think it’s because we allow people like Steve Miner, who directed this and Major Movie Star, to make movies when they should be behind barbed wire somewhere getting poked in the ass with a pitchfork and worrying about sodomy.  Too harsh?  You obviously haven’t seen the Major Movie Star trailer.    

Ving Rhames will be playing boxer Sonny Liston in the upcoming biopic Phantom Punch*.  Producers say Rhames is perfect for the part because he’s big and black and doesn’t look like a bitch.  He can sure act like one sometimes though, let me tell you – touch-yyyy. 

"Phantom" will chronicle Liston’s rise to fame as a boxer and the single "phantom punch" he took at the hands of Muhammad Ali (then known as Cassius Clay) that many believe led to the demise of his career. Liston was the 24th of 25 children born to an Arkansas sharecropper. Prone to violence, he at one point served prison time for robbing a gas station and another for beating up a police officer. He turned to fighting as a way to gain respect and became world heavyweight champion in 1962. While he was known to have ties to the mob — and one of the most potent punches in heavyweight division history — the boxer is best remembered for the incident that took place just two minutes into the 1965 bout with Ali. The fighter — who had seldom been knocked to his feet [sic]– went down from what was long debated as a felonious punch.

In other news, The Hollywood Reporter has been letting Mrs. Stover’s 7th grade English glass write their stories for them.  Here’s a tip kids, if you use a big word, make sure you know what it means first. 

*Insert hilarious Donkey Punch joke