Maaaake ouuuuuut
Let’s get one thing out of the way before we start: if you like Fast/Furious movies (if you enjoy fastness and furiosity, say), you’re probably going to like this one. It’s “better” than the first one, from what I remember, insomuch as much as the stunts are “bigger”, the cars faster, the girls sluttier and more abundant, the muscle men shoutier and sweatier, the crass materialism more celebratory. The other key difference is that Fast Five is a blatant, bonehead ripoff of Ocean’s 11, whereas The Fast and the Furious was a blatant, bonehead ripoff of Point Break, for whatever that‘s worth. Rest assured that it’s exactly what it looks like, so if you think it looks awesome, it probably will be.
I don’t mean to insult the people who like Fastness and Furiosity. Really, I like lots of dumb, preposterous stuff. Commando, for instance. There’s nothing wrong with liking dumb stuff. Making a beast of oneself gets rid of the pain of being a man and all of that. It’s just that, as a non-fan, I feel compelled to attempt to articulate the non-fan argument.
It would be silly to criticize Fast/Furious on the grounds on unbelievability, because Fast/Furious never makes any pretense of believability. In fact, it wears its utter preposterousness like a badge on its chest, or elaborate ground effects on its car . The very first scene is a high-speed jailbreak conducted in the desert, where a prison bus is taking Dom (portrayed by SIR VIN TWIN CAMS TURBO-DIESEL) to prison. Could the gang stop this bus? Throw down some spike strips? Kidnap the driver? Well, they could, but that wouldn’t be the living-your-life-a-quarter-mile-at-a-time way, now would it. NEEDS MOAR XXXTREEME!
“Dude. I have a plan.”
“Uh, does it involve cars? And does it hinge on being really good at driving cars? Because otherwise, NOT INTERESTED.”
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