A while ago, I brought you the strange, strange news that Sly Stallone was hoping to make an Edgar Allen Poe biopic, for which he also wrote the screenplay.

Today, CinemaBlend is reporting that some dude on the internet a reliable source has told them that Stallone offered the Poe part to Viggo Mortensen. 

Damn, dude, besides this, Stallone’s also reportedly considering a Death Wish remake (awesome idea), another Rambo (not so much), a role in the upcoming Scorsese/LeHane picture (I’m with you again), and God knows what else.  Plus he’s got his brother Frank to feed, and that ain’t cheap.  It’s like he’s trying to be superman, or he’s all full of steroids or something.  What? What’d I say? Where’s everyone going?  I GOT PLENTY A ZINGERS WHERE THAT CAME FROM, A-HOLES!

Also, my friend Glen told me he read somewhere that Stallone’s actually kind of old.  If you were wondering why the Edgar Allen Poe thing sounded familiar, it’s because the Scott brothers are also producing a screen adaptation of The Tell-Tale Heart, so the Edgar Allen Poe thing is kinda hot right now. In other news, your emo poems still suck.  Quit threatening to kill yourself and just do it – but remember, Up the River not Across the Street.

David Cronenberg's Eastern Promises (in full release this Friday) beat out Juno for the top prize at the Toronto film festival.  

The film follows the mysterious and ruthless Nikolai (Viggo Mortensen), who is tied to one of London's most notorious organized crime families. His carefully maintained existence is jarred when he crosses paths with Anna (Naomi Watts), an innocent midwife trying to right a wrong, who accidentally uncovers potential evidence against the family.

The guy who did Scanners and a History of Violence (you know a scene is great when it kicks ass even when dubbed over in French) doing a Russian mob movie?  Count me in.  

Though if no one 's head explodes, I'll be demanding a refund.  A David Cronenberg movie without exploding heads is like a Jerry Bruckheimer movie without blacks acting stereotypical.