I turned on the White House Correspondents’ Dinner last night, and quickly shut it off after hearing the phrase “nerd prom” about seven times and getting sideline reports from at least two guys wearing “wacky” bow ties. Hey, you know what would make the Oscars red carpet even worse? Add cable news pundits and smug DC spin doctors, all filmed on the one night of the year when they’re encouraged to be armchair comedians. Ugh, the worst.

Anyway, since they’re really good at countering the right’s argument that Hollywood is just a mouthpiece for the Democrats, Steven Spielberg showed up to present a parody featurette for Obama (in the vein of Lincoln), starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Barack Obama. It was…. decently funny, actually. Turns out Obama is a better comedy actor than most comedy actors. Also, it was worthwhile solely for reminding me of Bill the Butcher.

Say what you will about Gangs of New York‘s plot, my God, I want to live in that set. If a wild-eyed scientist screeched up to the curb in a time machine and asked me where I wanted to go, I’d be screaming “TOP HAT GANG FIGHT!” before he even got the words out of his mouth.

This morning I received an email telling me: “You have got to see Tyler Perry’s Madea looks for OWN in The Color Purple. This is so funny!!!”

The email came from Tyler Perry himself, so I figured it must be true. After all, Tyler Perry has never steered me wrong on comedy before, especially as it relates to the comedy of Tyler Perry. Why should this be any different? I mean a MAN, dressed as a WOMAN? Who ever heard of such a thing! Haha, LOL!

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Last night Shia LaBeouf went on David Letterman, and Dave, to his credit, wasn’t Shia (sorry) about asking The Beef about his public feud with Alec Baldwin. You know, the one where Shia passed off an Esquire article (and a pretty lame one at that) as his own public apology. Shia tried to explain, but he was so obtuse and full-of-sh*t actorsy about it that the audience was openly mocking him before he’d even finished talking. It’s actually remarkable how quickly they turn on him. Here’s a partial transcript (more after the jump, with video):

SHIA: I’m pretty passionate and impulsive. And he’s passionate and impulsive too, and I think that makes for some fireworks.

DAVE: So… why did you get fired?

SHIA: Because me and Alec had tension as men. Not as artists, but as men. In a room, I think that became a hard thing to deal with. When you got tension as men, that’s tough till July. You know, it’s cool for increments, but I think to do that for a long period of time… is pretty tough.

“When you got tension as men, that’s tough till July.” Deep, bro. Is that another truism gleaned from the perfumed pages of the Megan-Fox-as-Aztec-sacrifice issue? Got any juicy bon mots about matching ties to cuff links?

Now, it’d be good internet business to just say “HERE’S SHIA LABEOUF ACTING DOUCHEY, LET’S POKE HIM WITH STICKS!” because that’s the kind of simple morality tale that plays here in the cat-o-sphere. And you know, it wouldn’t be totally wrong. But in the interests of fairness, it should be pointed out that there are some contextual reasons why Shia Labeouf might be trying to communicate in metrosexual slam poem that go beyond his personal preference.

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With our Jewish friends currently celebrating Passover, the annual rite in which the blood of Christian babies is smeared above doorways to keep interest rates high, now seemed like the perfect time to commemorate the body of work of a Jewish icon, one Allan Stewart Konigsberg, aka Woody Allen. Our friend Oliver Noble, who previously brought us Every Bone Broken By Steven Seagal and Every Arnold Scream in Every Arnold Movie, spent his Passover Eve meticulously cobbling together every Woody Allen stammer from every Woody Allen movie. Now, two factors you should understand that may have affected this supercut.

1. Woody Allen stammers a lot.

2. Woody Allen has made a preposterous amount of movies.

Seriously, the last time Woody Allen went one full calendar year without at least writing one movie was 1976, between Love and Death and Annie Hall. And even in that year he still starred in The Front. I couldn’t maintain an output that prolific if I was filming dumps I just took (though don’t put it past James Franco to try). Woody Allen’s prolific output and consistent stammering have combined to create a supercut that’s 44 MINUTES LONG. And that’s without repeating a single stammer. Now, those 44 minutes, I don’t plan to watch all of them, but the fact that he made it? I respect that. Even if I don’t see it or plan to, it pleases me just to know it’s there, like museums.

[HuffPo]

Here at FilmDrunk, we’ve long been fans of Al Pacino’s ACTING with a capital A and exclamation point. At his best, he doesn’t chew scenery so much as rip it apart like a Wolverine and have sex with its corpse. Now, Nelson Carvajal, who last gave us Every Best Picture Winner, has given us a supercut called “Pacino: Full Roar,” featuring six solid minutes of Pacino screaming his face off, which begins with this quote:

“I worked with Al Pacino, whose character was crazy. Before every take, he would roar like a lion.” -Robin Williams, co-star on Insomnia.

Two things: one, Al Pacino was playing a perpetually-tired detective who can’t sleep because summer never gets dark in Alaska in Insomnia, and still felt he needed to play it so “big” that he was roaring like a jungle animal. Two, how big do you have to be playing it for ROBIN WILLIAMS to say you’re crazy? “Whoa whoa, Al, this seems a bit… manic, don’t you think?”

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