Variety first broke this story last Thursday, but to be honest, I reeeaaally didn’t want to accept what I had heard. So, in an attempt to completely erase all knowledge of this project from my memory, I spent the weekend doing what any virile, young man would have done: drinking moonshine and flicking wadded up dollar bills at underage strippers. Try as I might, I still couldn’t shake the nightmares:

Peter Chelsom (director of Hannah Montana: The Movie) has been chosen by CBS Films to direct Last Vegas, a movie concept so f–king lame that even as I sit here watching this VH1 dating show, it still sounds pretty asinine.

The comedy — which CBS originally acquired as a $1 million pitch — centers on four semi-retired baby boomers who head to Las Vegas when the last of the Coney Island buddies, a successful lawyer in his 60s, decides to tie the knot.

Man, this Chelsom guy really lucked out with his timing, what-with the success of The Hangover and all. Oh, you mean this wasn’t a coincidence after all?

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According to Variety, Warner Bros paid $2 million dollars for Hangover, a spec script that Todd "I’m here for the gangbang" Phillips (Roadtrip, Old School) will produce and direct.  $2 million sounds like a lot of money for a spec script, but then what do I know, I’m just a handsome racecar driver.

Penned by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, [Hangover] revolves around three pals who lose the groom at his Vegas bachelor party, 40 hours before the wedding. They then must retrace their inebriated bad decisions to figure out what happened.

That totally happened to me once. I was freaking out about my buddy not making the wedding, but then I remembered I was just really high on Peote and had gotten into my baby sister’s ken dolls again.  Sily me, I don’t even have friends!  And a couple years later the same sister got molested by the creepy neighbor guy.  Bet you feel sorry for laughing now, huh asshole.