Seems like every ten seconds I see the TV spot for Teeth in which they compare it to movies like Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist.   Take a gander (yes, a female goose) at this new clip and see what you think.  Looks more like Cabin Fever or Serial Mom to me.  The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby weren’t what you’d call "campy". 

Anyway, in case you haven’t been around (shit happens, I know), Teeth is about a girl with teeth in her vagina, which is either a blessing or a curse, depending on how much of a man-hating lesbo you are.  I wanted teeth on my penis, so I just got some tattooed on the sides like one of them old time fighter planes.  Now when I chase people around with my weiner out I can either shout "RAWR" or "Pew Pew!", because both apply.  I think it was the best solution for everyone. 

This is the trailer for Shrooms. A horror movie about… Shrooms.

When five American college students arrive in Ireland to go on camping trip with their old college buddy Jake, they are in high spirits. Jake has promised them the ‘trip’ of a lifetime’ because he claims Ireland has the best magic mushrooms in the world. It sounded like it would be great fun. Now that they are tripping things don’t seem so funny.

Is it out there, maa-aaan?  I don’t even know what’s reaaaal anymore….

I especially like the part where the guy’s like, “It’s supposed to heighten the sexual experience." Shrooms?  Personally, a drug that turns you into a three year old wouldn’t be my first choice for having sex on.  Vaginas are odd-looking as it is – add shrooms and I think I’d just be sitting there staring at it, poking labes with my finger and giggling – which is always fun for the girl.  “Oh man, look at the texture on this!  You guys gotta check this out! I can’t believe this is part of your body!” 

Knocked Up Shrooms scene > Shrooms.   

Ugh, I thought I was being cute with my headline until I found this picture. Anyway, the story is, Ricki Lake executive produced The Business of Being Born, a film in which she also appears.

Initiated by executive producer Ricki Lake and directed by Abby Epstein, this investigation of contemporary childbirth "management" is in many ways "The Inconvenient Truth" of obstetrics, not to mention a convincing endorsement of midwifery. A close-up and personal film, in which several of its subjects — including Lake — allow the camera to capture their chosen methods of delivery in indisputably intimate detail, "The Business of Being Born," screened at the Palm Springs International Film Festival ahead of a limited theatrical run (it will be offered by Netflix in February), is a must-see for any woman who’s pregnant or planning to have kids.  At first glance, the notion of deliberately giving birth outside of a hospital (as Lake did in 2001, in her bathtub with her second child) might seem to be a risky proposition. [Yahoo/Hollywood Reporter] 

Jesus Christ, here’s some advice: if you want to make a widely-seen, socially conscious, message-movie, don’t put RICKI LAKE GIVING BIRTH IN A BATHTUB IN IT. 

I can’t think of anything more terrifying, not even Barbra Streisand singing a sad song at a funeral for my penis, or Nic Cage’s forehead chasing me through an Indian burial ground.  I picture her all pasty and bloated with her chubby vag stretched out like an inflated balloon while the studio audience shouts, "You go, gurl!", "Oh no you di-en’t!", and "Dass yo baby!"  Next time just adopt an African like everyone else. 

Some background: Teeth is about a girl with teeth in her naughty parts.  It opens in limited release 1-18-08.  Here’s the latest clip.

Jess Weixler "plays a chaste teen coping with temptations of the flesh on a daily basis. All that she believes is called into question when she realizes she is a living example of the vagina dentata myth." I’m guessing there will be symbolism.

I still can’t tell if this is supposed to be a comedy or drama, but judging by this clip, it’s set in some strange and campy parallel universe, like a John Waters flick. I mean, I guess it’s set in a parallel universe.  I went to Mormon school, so when sex ed time came around, our teacher just said "Boys have a penis and girls pee from their butt," and then we had a Sprite party.