(I would say it’s weird that the kid even turned out to be Asian, but since he never actually flew I guess the comparison’s invalid.)
I was worried I’d look like an a-hole for saying the whole balloon boy story was starting to look like a publicity stunt earlier today if it turned out he’d fallen to his bloody death. Luckily, he was found alive and this whole story was kind of a waste of time.
The 6-year-old Colorado boy who is believed to have set adrift a helium balloon Thursday, prompting ground and air searches, has been found alive, authorities said. The balloon landed south of Prospect Springs, Colorado, on Thursday afternoon. He was found in a box in the attic at his family’s Fort Collins home, according to authorities. [CNN]
That’s funny, a box in the attic is where I keep my six-year-olds. Anyway, it only took about an hour for the world to realize this family are weird attention whores, so while this is all the news we’ve got for now, breathe easy in the knowledge that a child is safe, and in another three or four hours, the world will have another Jon and Kate. Falcon goes to rehab by 16, bet on it.
THE LATEST UPDATE: Is that the kid already has a music video out. No, I’m serious.
If you’re nearby, turn on your TV. A 6-year-old kid is currently flying over Colorado in his parent’s homemade helium-balloon airship. (Watch live). It’s currently losing air and about 1,000 feet off the ground, and they’re trying to figure out how to rescue him.
FORT COLLINS. Colo. - Authorities were trying to determine Thursday how to safely bring down a 6-year-old boy who reportedly clambered into his family’s experimental balloon-powered aircraft and floated away from home, sheriff’s officials said.
The Larimer County Sheriff’s Department said the boy’s family had been building an experimental aircraft that had a large helium balloon attached to it at their home, KUSA-TV reported. The aircraft was approximately 20 feet by 5 feet and covered in tin foil, the station said.
On Thursday morning, according to the family and officials, the boy got onto the aircraft and detached the rope holding it in place. Sheriff’s spokeswoman Eloise Campanella said the boy climbed into the access door and the airborne device took off.
Television news helicopters were tracking the craft, which was last seen floating south of Milliken, about 40 miles north of Denver. Officials were scrambling to figure out how to rescue the boy. The craft, which is shaped like a flying saucer, has the potential to rise to 10,000 feet, Campanella said. [MSNBC]
Holy crap. I hope they can get this kid down safely. He’s going to get so much poontang. UPDATE: The kid’s name is “Falcon.” Now that’s a real man’s name.
UPDATE 2: The balloon just touched down softly in a field of plowed dirt.
UPDATE 3: A guy’s saying the kid isn’t in the basket. …Uh oh. They latest is that he “may” have fallen out, but no one knows. Hopefully he’s just chilling in a smoky lounge somewhere watching this all on TV… Fingers crossed he actually just got abducted. …What? Sorry, I’m not good with bad news.
UPDATE 4: So apparently this family has appeared on Wife Swap (click to see the clip over on WarmingGlow)
The Heene family from Colorado live life on the edge. Wife Mayumi (43) and storm scientist Richard (45) take their three kids, Bradford (8), Ryo (7) and Falcon (5), out of school to go on storm chasing missions to prove Richard’s theories about magnetic fields and gravity. If conditions are right, Mayumi wakes her family by shouting “Storm Approaching, Storm Approaching!” into a bullhorn. The family sleep in their clothes so they can leap out of bed and into the storm-mobile. Richard calls Mayumi his ‘ninja wife’; she maintains equipment, drives the storm-mobile, films tornadoes and waits with the kids while Richard jumps on his motorbike, heads into the eye of the storm and launches rockets to measure magnetic forces. At home the family are as chaotic as a twister: the kids have no table manners and throw themselves around the house, and while Richard devotes every moment to his research, he expects Mayumi to cook, clean and run the house without any help.. [ABC]
Christ, is everyone on a reality show these days? I know somewhere, Walter Cronkite is relieved he never had to begin a sentence “Former Real Chance at Love cast member Lee Harvey Oswald…” I’m gonna look like an a-hole if this ends tragically, but the reality-show thing ups the chances that this was some kind of stunt like 500%.
UPDATE 5: The kids also made this rap video. Ugh, I’m done with this story.
(Haha, get it? Women be shoppin’ and men be hatin’ commitment! It’s funny ’cause it’s true!)
The Proposal earned $34 million to land a big number one on the box office chart, despite looking like a lame mashup of every crappy romantic comedy ever. They make this movie once a month. The only thing good about this one was that it didn’t have Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey in it.
The Hangover was number two with $26.9 million, only declining 18% from last weekend and holding better than just about any movie in recent memory (again, that’s movie blogger code for “I don’t want to look it up”). So far it’s made almost $153 million on a $35 million budget, which is good news for anyone who wants to make or see an R-rated comedy. The bad news is that without Todd Phillips and Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover would basically have been an Entourage episode. So what’ll happen now is, they’ll greenlight a bunch of pandering, “raunchy” comedies which will suck (think American Pie sequels) and won’t make money, and then we’ll be right back to it being hard to make R-rated comedy again. Also? We’re all gonna be dead in 40 years anyway. Happy Monday!
(full top 10 below)
(”Movie of the year,” raves Schadenfreude Sloth)
The Hangover and Up spent a second weekend at the number one and two spots this weekend, while the aggressively mediocre Taking of Pelham 123 debuted at number three, and Eddie Murphy’s Imagine That opened at number six, earning just $5.7 million even though it opened on 3,000+ screens. As Schadenfreude Sloth reminds me, that’s Eddie’s second bomb in a row after Meet Dave.
The Hangover and Up both held well, with the Hangover dropping only 26% in its second weekend and Up declining 31% in its third. Compare that with Land of the Lost’s 51% drop and you wonder if maybe studios will stop trying to market everything to kids. Or in the case of Eddie Murphy, maybe stop trying to make the same movie over and over again, including twice in the same year once with Eddie Murphy and once with Adam Sandler. But don’t count on it. They’ll probably just try to recoup their expenses with Imagine That 3D. This time with a “more mainstream” plot. (top 10 after the jump)
UPDATE: The revised Sunday numbers are starting to favor The Hangover. That’s good news for anyone trying to get an R-rated comedy made.
Up killed it again this week, narrowly outearning The Hangover ($44.2 mil to $43.3) and becoming the first two-week number one of 2009 (though these are still “estimated” numbers - The Hangover may still be number one when “actual” numbers are released tomorrow). Up fell just 35% in its second week. Oh, and expect to see a lot more Zach Galifianakis.
Land of the Lost earned almost $20 mil for third place, though people are already calling it the “first bomb of summer.” Elsewhere, Sam Mendes/Dave Eggers/Vendela Vida’s Away We Go made $35,815 per theater in limited release, probably all from semi-employed liberal arts majors.
And finally, Angels & Demons added $6.5 mil domestically, but the big story is that it surpassed $409 million worldwide, the highest grossing film of 2009. So next time some foreigner tries to give you crap about Americans being dumb, poke your finger in his chest and drunkenly slur something about how it’s his fault Tom Hanks turned into Nic Cage. Full top 10 after the jump.
