I thought this was a joke when I saw this the other day, but it’s not. Uggie, the Jack Russell terrier who has appeared in films such as The Artist and Water for Elephants, released a book recently, which means that Vince is probably going to drink a lot tonight. As for Uggie, though, the book was actually written by his British author Wendy Holden, as told by the dog’s owner, Omar Von Muller, because people apparently love reading about some random dude bragging about his dog. And if that’s true, you should have seen my dog roll around in cat crap the other day.

So what’s so cool about Uggie anyway?

As an unruly nine-month-old puppy, Uggie had been destined for the dog pound but was rescued by animal trainer Mr Von Muller. Since then, he has starred in a number of television adverts and had minor roles in films before being cast as Queenie alongside Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson in 2011′s Water for Elephants.

So enamoured was he with Reese, he dedicated his book to her – “For Reese, my love, my light.”

Mr Von Muller said: “He was crazy about Reece. One of the only people I’ve ever seen distract Uggie was her.”

But it was his role as Jean Dujardin’s sidekick in silent film The Artist that turned him into a superstar.

In February this year, Mr Von Muller made the decision to retire Uggie now aged 10, from full-time feature films. (Via the Belfast Telegraph)

There you have it, folks – a dog is retired. So that should make you blue collar warriors feel great.

That said, please make a movie about Uggie, Hollywood. Dogs rule, cats drool. After the jump, I’ve included some pictures of Uggie because that’s what God wants me to do.

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This is actually a few days old now, but I couldn’t not post Uggie, the dog from The Artist, getting his pawprints immortalized outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater. Can you say “D’aaawwwww…”? He’s even wearing his bowtie, like a proper gentleman. Well, nowadays a bowtie means that you’re either gay or republican or both, but with a dog I still like to think it denotes gentlemanliness. [-Vince, picture via Telegraph]

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Oh man. Get ready for a batch of frownies, guys. It turns out that Uggie, the adorable pooch from The Artist (who wears bow ties on red carpets!), is suffering from an unknown neurological disorder, and will be forced to retire. :(

The Jack Russell’s trainer, Omar Von Muller, was quoted as telling the British newspaper The Daily Mail that he suffers from a “mysterious shaking syndrome. It is a neurological disorder and we’ve spent thousands on vets’ bills trying to figure out what is causing it but the experts don’t really know.” [...]

“It comes and goes and, ironically, it is worse when he’s relaxed. When we were filming you could hardly notice it,” said Muller, adding: “It is a shame this has happened when he is getting the biggest success of his career but we feel the best thing to do is to retire him after the Oscars.” [Hollywood Reporter]

Oh man. Oh man. OhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhman. This news is terrible. I’m not emotionally ready to handle this. Not even close. I had just fallen in love with him! It’s going to ruin my whole day week year. This simply will not do. [sticks fingers in ears] Lalalalalala-can’t hear you-lalalalala. [takes fingers out of ears] What? There’s a tiny silver lining?

For his purportedly final hurrah, Uggie — whose brother, Dash, is expected to step in his paws — will open the Oscars telecast on Feb. 26 alongside host Billy Crystal, according to reports.

I am going to cry so goddamn hard during this.

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Michael Hazanavicius’s The Artist is a black and white, silent film that’s currently collecting awards hand over fist while it builds up Oscar buzz, and even though it sounds like exactly the type of fussy, masturbatory experiment in form that makes people hate award shows, I saw it and it was actually really good. Perhaps due in no small part to the scene-stealing performance of Uggie, a 9-year-old Jack Russell terrier who plays the protagonist’s dog. And so convincingly! Thanks to BestWeekEver, we have a new batch of pictures of Uggie (who also appeared in Water for Elephants) rocking the red carpet at a UK charity screening for Dog’s Trust. SPOILER ALERT: He also skateboards. EEEEE!

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