If you’re unfamiliar with our feature “Metaphor Time, With Tyler Perry,” it’s where we focus a spotlight on just what household object or mundane life event Tyler Perry is using as a metaphor for proper Christian livin’ this week. In the past, he’s used a story about digging wells on his palatial estate as a way to tell people to “keep diggin,” and turbulence on his private jet as an allegory for flying above the clouds of temptation in your Jesus-fueled jetplane. Your particular “jetplane” could be a bike, a bus, a bad relationship, a Hyundai or an Iron Lung, depending, because that’s how metaphors work. I mean, you guys get it.
This week’s Tyler Perry metaphor? Golf carts. You know, the kind you use to get around the multi-million studio lot with your name on the front gate.
We have some golf carts at the studio. We use them to run around the campus, getting actors from here to there and so on. But the thing that bothers me the most about them is that when you put them into reverse a beeping alarm goes off. And it doesn’t stop until you go forward. It is so annoying to be in the middle of a shot, when I need it very quiet, to hear that beeping noise. I wanted the facilities guys to disconnect the reverse alarm but I was told that they couldn’t because it is a safety measure. The alarm is there to let people know that you’re about to go backwards.
I want to make fun of him here, but I can’t, because I too hate the reverse alarm. Why would you need a reverse alarm on an 800-pound golf cart but not a 5,000-pound car? It makes no sense. They should be banned, along with loud motorcycles, car alarms, and Danny Masterson.
I walked back to my office thinking about this and this thought popped into my head: wouldn’t it be great if we as humans had an annoying alarm that made a loud continuous beep when we are about to go into reverse?
Oh, I see what you did there, you scamp. Speaking of which, I was watching some shows on DVR the other day and I was thinking to myself, “Hey, you know what else could use a stop button? WOMEN’S MOUTHS! BOOM!” (*air golf swing*)