Madea’s Witness Protection. Oh yeah, that’s happening. Boom, you just read that.

Lionsgate has today announced plans to re-team with Tyler Perry for Madea’s Witness Protection, the 14th collaboration between the talent and the studio in seven years.

14 movies in seven years?  My gosh, makes the fact that he’s able to achieve such unbelievable depth and originality all the more impressive, doesn’t it?

Eugene Levy (American Pie, Best in Show) will star as George, a high level CFO at the center of a Ponzi scheme in New York City who is enrolled in the Witness Protection program along with his family in the one place that absolutely no one will think to look for them: Madea’s house down South.

Dorky Jewish guy plus sassy black sista, a classic comedy combo! It’s like Sinbad’s Houseguest meets Queen Latifah’s Bringing Down the House meets Big Momma’s House. Oh, and did I mention the press release includes an “official statement” from Madea herself? Because oh hell to the yeah it does. HALLELUJER! GOOD AFTERNOONT!

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You just know C-Tates would weasel his way into this somehow.

It’s almost every day that someone files a plagiarism lawsuit against a high-profile film or filmmaker, way too many for me to cover them all, and they usually come to nothing. A town full of derivative ideas just naturally breeds that sort of thing. It’s like someone saying Jay Leno stole their joke — there’s a difference between “stolen” and “hacky.” But bear with me, this one’s more enjoyable than the usual frivolous-lawsuit-from-an-insane-person story.

Jamie Foxx and Tyler Perry are being sued for $1 million each by a prisoner — who claims the duo jacked his idea for a groan-worthy new comedy … starring Foxx, Perry, and Martin Lawrence … all dressed as women.
In case you haven’t heard … the project is called “Skank Robbers” — a wacky action comedy about two lady bank robbers … with Lawrence’s Sheneneh character from “Martin,” Foxx’s Wanda from “In Living Color,” and according to reports … Tyler Perry’s Madea … from every bad movie you’ve seen. The project is reportedly in development.

The project is in development, and I’ve covered it here before (its proposed August 2011 release date came and went, but according to the DailyMail, it had begun shooting), but this is the first I’ve ever heard of Tyler Perry being involved. I think the prisoner just made that part up. And here’s where it gets good…

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In a stunning and unprecedented display of good taste, fans of Tyler Perry have threatened to boycott the cross-dressing schmaltz-peddler’s latest film, The Marriage Counselor, over his decision to cast Kim Kardashian, the patron saint of sham weddings. It seems many of Perry’s fans are good Christian folk, and object to him feeding yet more fame to a vile succubus whose giant vulgar ass the devil put on Earth to lead good black athletes unto temptation. Either that or they’re just jealous.

Some comments from his website:

“Mr. Perry as much as we the middle class black folks love u!!! I have made my mind up on your next movie. Me and my wife and children will NOT be supporting you on this one. You are way to classy to have this un-talented lady name Kim Kardashian in your film, She only uses our black brothers for money,sex!!!!! What kind of role model is she and again sir WHY??? All the black actresses out there needing work and you choose this negitive person how sad.”

Dear Mr. Perry: I am a HUGE fan (and believe me when I say that). I, like many of your other fans am so disappointed that you chose Kim Kardashian to be in one of your movies. There are so many talents out there just waiting for an opportunity that needs the work (and money) desperately! Kim needs neither. The only thing she’s known for is s*x and being money hungry. She has absolutely no substance or character to herself.”

Seriously? You had to censor “sex?” I suppose you can never be too careful. Meanwhile, this was by far my favorite comment:

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That’s right, the movie is called “Good Deeds, and Tyler Perry plays… wait for it… WESLEY DEEDS. (Hence the “WD” on his briefcase). It’s also interesting to note, if you just replace “struggling to make ends meet” with “karate-chopping terrorists,” Tyler Perry movies are actually pretty similar to Steven Seagal movies (though admittedly less exciting). Replace his briefcase with a pistol in this poster and the morning sun behind him with a burning foreign city… BOOM, Steven Seagal poster. Tyler Perry is basically the Steven Seagal of quasi-religious melodrama.

Anyway, the movie. Let me guess, he struggles with the challenges and temptations of modern life, but ultimately finds redemption? Tyler Perry movies are already so much like dentist’s office posters, I’d respect him a lot more if he just broke down and made “Hang in There, Kitty: The Movie.” Someone write that down.

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Great news, everyone! Although Tyler Perry’s House of Payne is wrapping after 222 episodes (HOLY BUTTF*CKING MONKEY DICKS, 222 EPISODES!?†), we won’t have to wait long for more of Perry’s folksy pandering, because Perry’s film Why Did I Get Married? is being adapted into a TV “dramedy” called For Better or For Worse. Why, I haven’t been this excited to watch TBS since they showed soft-core porn with the nude scenes edited out!

Michael Jai White (The Dark Knight) and Tasha Smith (Couples Retreat) are set to reprise their roles as television anchor Marcus and salon owner Angela.

“Tyler Perry’s series have been tremendously successful for TBS, helping establish the network as a prime destination for African-American viewers,” said Michael Wright, executive vice president, head of programming, for TBS, TNT and Turner Classic Movies. “Given such a remarkable track record, we’re excited for the opportunity to expand our relationship with Tyler Perry and Debmar-Mercury with the new series For Better or Worse.” [THR]

Yes, Michael Jai White, not Jaleel White.  Black Dynamite starring in a TBS sitcom, oh the humanity.  I don’t want to say Hollywood is racist, but this is like if Paul Rudd took a job on the Bill Engvall show.  And say what you will about Paul Rudd, he doesn’t even know karate.

†For comparison, Seinfeld had 180 episodes