If you don’t think Twitter is an amazing invention, you aren’t following David Lynch. Honestly, nothing I can say can do this story justice. You’ll just have to watch the video to understand. Watch it here.
UPDATE: It’s official…
Actual Size
Via MTV:
DJ Nu-Mark confirmed that he’ll be joining the cast of the “MacGruber” movie. On Twitter. [...] In his own words:
“@djnumark: Ahh, gonna be in my first movie! Playin a DJ in the new Mac Gruber movie (from SNL)..lol. Val Kilmer is gonna take my mic from me..lol”
So there you have it. Val Kilmer: actor, outdoorsman . . . mic thief.
In fairness to Val, he may have thought the mic was an ice cream cone. (Another fat joke? Really? Hell yes you cheeky scofflaws.) And just to clear the air here: I’d still do him. And tweet about it.
By the way, there’s a MacGyver video inside that you should check out. Did MacGyver own any airbrushed vans perchance?
As a wise man named Tupac once said, “California knows how to party.” That’s why we keep electing actors to the highest state office! Heck, I stayed an extra year of college just so I could have Arnold Schwarzenegger’s signature on my diploma. Anyway, the governator recently took to Twitter to make a video. I don’t really know what the hell it’s about, but the best part is that it begins with him admiring an enormous knife. And the knife doesn’t have anything to do with the rest of the video, he just holds it up at the beginning as if to say, “Oh, we’re making a video now? My bad, I was just admiring my comically large knife. As I do.”
More than anything it reminds me of the intro to Commando (after the jump) where Arnold’s just hanging out in the forest, carrying entire trees on his shoulder. “Oh, I’m supposed to kill bad guys now? My bad, I was just feeding a baby deer with my daughter, Alyssa Milano.” What the hell kind of knife is that, anyway? No way it’s a Bowie or an Army knife, it’s bigger than my forearm. “Grrr, you can tell I’m qualified to govern because I carry a pocket knife as big as a broad sword!” I think George W. once pulled this same stunt with a foam cowboy hat.
Yesterday Kevin Smith took to his Twitter to give his fans and near million followers just what what they want: a graphic, disgusting mental picture of his tubby ass having sex with his wife. He tweefed (I’m trying to get “tweef” recognized as the verb form):
Ten years in and we bone like we’re cheating on each other WITH each other. A decade-plus and her clit/brown/taint-area still pOwns my dick.
To which he later added:
On a roll this week: we’ve f-cked twice a day every day since Sunday. With little fanfare I’m trying to make it a solid four weeks straight. [via Videogum]
But time out, what does “clit/brown/taint area” mean? The slashes seem to indicate that it’s all one place. So I ask: did Kevin Smith’s wife’s vag, taint, and butthole areas all merge into one mega orifice, the way San Diego, Santa Barbara, and L.A. became San Angeles in Demolition Man? Does Kevin Smith’s wife have a gaping hybrid hole? And if so, is that the secret to a happy marriage? I guess I just don’t understand this romantic stuff.
[and yes, that's Kevin Smith's wife in Playboy. Uncensored version here.]
While writing my last post about Dance Flick earning $13 million this weekend, I naturally wondered who the hell all those people seeing it were. That’s when I came across these Twitter reactions and figured, “Hmm, maybe these deserve their own post.” Then I thought, “Hell, why not make it a top ten list?” And then I thought, “Look, a squirrel.”
It’s funny to me that even among the can’t spell, punctuate, capitalize, or complete a thought demographic, it’s still only running 30-40% recommended. Not funny? In the time it took you to read this, the world welcomed six new Wayanses.
