(That guy supports Team Jacob.  That’s Taylor Lautner’s father, right?  Please tell me it is.)

Videogum has a whole gallery of pictures from the Twilight: New Moon premiere, so you can just go there if you want to see them all.  I’m only picking a few of my favorites, but clearly this represented a cross section of America’s finest.  Like this guy.  He likes America, sleeveless shirts, and vampires that sparkle. I think that was a Bob Seger song.  Or this girl, the one behind the girl in the front.  She wants to be “a stupid lamb.”  Or possibly a stupid lamp, it isn’t entirely clear.  Regardless, it’s good to have ambitions.  Then there’s these girls, who support the Cullen diet, while standing behind a lady who doesn’t seem to support any diets.  Diversity is beautiful.  Meanwhile, the girl in the front right is enjoying her one day of the month outside. Anyway, I just thought you guys should enjoy some of these photos, because a lot of good cats went hungry for this.

The stars of Twilight Saga: New Moon showed up to a special event in Hollywood last night, and predictably they were hit with the banshee wail of a thousand screaming teenage girls.  As you can see after the jump, it’s terrifying, like an icy wind from the realm of loneliness and conformity that chills the blood and smells of cat fur. But it wasn’t all bad, as the AP soon misidentified a guy at the podium as Cam Gigandet.  Haha, you idiots, that’s Kellen Lutz.  Oh God why do I know that I hate my job.

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So here’s that new clip from Twilight: New Moon that went up on iTunes today.  In this one, Bella Swan (no seriously, that’s the character’s actual name) has a falling out with her chaste, sparkling white vampire boyfriend and has to go live in the woods with the ethnic temptation wolves.  You know how the minorities are, all passionate and hot blooded and spicy, listening to their loud music on the corners and all turning into giant wolves when they get angry.  To be honest, I’m actually thinking of seeing this movie now, it looks kind of awesome.  It has wolves the size of buffalo.  The only thing that could make it better?  You guessed it, bearsharktopus.

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With all the hubbub and abstinence and wombs made of felt surrounding the Twilight phenomenon, often overlooked are the real victims: the cats forced to watch against their will.  This video, cats reacting to the Twilight: New Moon trailer from TheFabLife, shines a spotlight on those all-too-often invisible victims.  The result is simple, yet moving.  Hey wait a second, was that Wilford Brimley?

Pff, you can’t sneak a Brimleycat by me.

Check out Hot Topic’s brand new Twilight: New Moon collection.  Back when I used to hang out at the mall, Hot Topic was the store for goth kids, which is why it seems weird that they’d be selling Twilight clothes now, because from what I remember, goths weren’t into abstinence.  In practice, certainly, but as a theoretical concept, no.  I also find it strange that abstinence vampires and ethnic temptation wolves get the same t-shirt treatment as fake wrestling guys. GRRR, MEANINGFUL GLANCE FROM THE TOP ROPE!*

They also have chunky charm bracelets, perfect for the fat-wristed.  Er, husky-limbed.  Anyway, toss one in the rascal on the way down to the food court there, lardy.  Meanwhile, this fetching Edward Cullen hoody comes in dazzling, Salt Lake City Caucasian, and goes perfectly with this necklace you can put your coke in.  And finally, don’t forget your “authentic prop replica jewelry” which contains no gold, but is truly the gold standard in oxymoronicness.

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