(INVIZIBL SUB SANDWICH)

Many critics are already calling New Moon the giant wolfyest of the Twilight franchise, but director Chris Weitz (who, incidentally, is John Huston’s grandson) recently told MovieMaker Magazine that his next project will be his last.  Surprisingly, it wasn’t the banshee wail of irrational teenage girls that drove him to retirement.

As Weitz explains, his frustration with the industry has boiled over, mostly because of the studio interference that occurred during post-production on Golden Compass. “I wanted that to be my masterpiece,” admits Weitz. “Unfortunately, the edit was taken from me and whatever chance I had at that was also taken from me, which is kind of sad.”

“You know, it sounds ridiculous, but I’d really like to be a better surfer,” laughs the director. “I’d like to learn to speak Spanish fluently; I’d like to travel around, live in Italy; I’d like to learn kung fu… It’s nice to make movies, but it’s also really hard.” [via FilmSchoolRejects]

What?  You’re on top of the world and now you want to quit?  That doesn’t sound like the Chris Weitz I know.  Wait a second… Surfing… kung fu… I think I see what’s going on here.

(*tears mask off Chris Weitz’s face!*):

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(That guy supports Team Jacob.  That’s Taylor Lautner’s father, right?  Please tell me it is.)

Videogum has a whole gallery of pictures from the Twilight: New Moon premiere, so you can just go there if you want to see them all.  I’m only picking a few of my favorites, but clearly this represented a cross section of America’s finest.  Like this guy.  He likes America, sleeveless shirts, and vampires that sparkle. I think that was a Bob Seger song.  Or this girl, the one behind the girl in the front.  She wants to be “a stupid lamb.”  Or possibly a stupid lamp, it isn’t entirely clear.  Regardless, it’s good to have ambitions.  Then there’s these girls, who support the Cullen diet, while standing behind a lady who doesn’t seem to support any diets.  Diversity is beautiful.  Meanwhile, the girl in the front right is enjoying her one day of the month outside. Anyway, I just thought you guys should enjoy some of these photos, because a lot of good cats went hungry for this.

The stars of Twilight Saga: New Moon showed up to a special event in Hollywood last night, and predictably they were hit with the banshee wail of a thousand screaming teenage girls.  As you can see after the jump, it’s terrifying, like an icy wind from the realm of loneliness and conformity that chills the blood and smells of cat fur. But it wasn’t all bad, as the AP soon misidentified a guy at the podium as Cam Gigandet.  Haha, you idiots, that’s Kellen Lutz.  Oh God why do I know that I hate my job.

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So here’s that new clip from Twilight: New Moon that went up on iTunes today.  In this one, Bella Swan (no seriously, that’s the character’s actual name) has a falling out with her chaste, sparkling white vampire boyfriend and has to go live in the woods with the ethnic temptation wolves.  You know how the minorities are, all passionate and hot blooded and spicy, listening to their loud music on the corners and all turning into giant wolves when they get angry.  To be honest, I’m actually thinking of seeing this movie now, it looks kind of awesome.  It has wolves the size of buffalo.  The only thing that could make it better?  You guessed it, bearsharktopus.

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With all the hubbub and abstinence and wombs made of felt surrounding the Twilight phenomenon, often overlooked are the real victims: the cats forced to watch against their will.  This video, cats reacting to the Twilight: New Moon trailer from TheFabLife, shines a spotlight on those all-too-often invisible victims.  The result is simple, yet moving.  Hey wait a second, was that Wilford Brimley?

Pff, you can’t sneak a Brimleycat by me.