According to an exclusive report from TMZ, a bridal boutique is selling a replica of the wedding dress Bella wore in Twilight Breaking Dawn, and, in perhaps the least surprising turn of events of all time, rabid Twilight fans are showing up at the stores and faking engagements to try the dress on. I imagine the hardest part is finding enough cats to fill out a men’s business suit. “Why yes, this is my fiancee, Mr., uh… Fluffykins.”

The $799 replica is being sold in Alfred Angelo bridal boutiques everywhere — and people who work at the chain tell us the scheming fans are driving them crazy, making it extremely difficult to conduct business. [TMZ]

So you’re saying this bridal boutique I’ve never heard of is selling a product people are absolutely going crazy for, AND you have an exclusive source close to the story??? How serendipitous! Nuts. Those lucky skunks at TMZ catch all the breaks. (*kicks can*)

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I really wish we could play the Florida or Ohio/Florida or Germany game with this story, but unfortunately it happened in Illinois. As a place where crazy sh*t happens, we underrate Illinois. That’s where (or more specifically, in Aurora, setting for Wayne’s World), 18-year-old Olivia Ornelas (right) was arrested in a ditch after midnight Saturday. Police say she had been driving without a right front tire (which any mechanic will tell you is generally inadvisable), and when they found her, Ornelas told police she was upset because her boyfriend had reneged on a promise to take her to see Twilight: Breaking Dawn that day.

Silly Twihard, LOVE CONQUERS VAMPIRES, NOT PHYSICS!

KCSO deputy observed a car in the ditch on Rt. 71/East Highpoint Rd. Upon further investigation Ornelas was driving with no right front tire and was extremely intoxicated. Ornelas advised that she was extremely upset with her boyfriend because she did not see the movie Twilight like they were suppose to [sic]. Ornelas was arrested for DUI and unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor. [police report, via TheSmokingGun]

Drunk in a ditch demanding abstinence parables is no way to go through life. Perhaps the most surprising part of this story is that she isn’t way fatter. And I’m shocked, SHOCKED to find that a girl whose notions of romance involve a man that never wants sex and stays awake all night staring at you while you sleep is having trouble with real relationships. GOD, JENNA! YOU’RE BEING SUCH A NON-PILLOW RIGHT NOW! I’m sure it’s only going to get better from here.

Chances are if you live in a major city, you’ve noticed small groups of young girls and desperate middle-aged women gathering near your local cineplex, and yes, your worst nightmares have come true – another Twilight movie is upon us. Twihards have been lining up at theaters as early as this past weekend so they wouldn’t miss the Thursday debut of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. That’s right, it’s a vampire love story so true that they broke it in two.

Last night, the saga’s stars showed up at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles for the film’s premiere, and the fans were in full force there as well. In fact, here’s a sampling of actual quotes from the women – and men – of all ages who traveled from all over the country to wave insane-looking signs in the air at last night’s event:

“Rob turn this way, I’m throwing kisses at you.”

“I am literally going to die when Kristen Stewart walks by here.”

“Put your camera on me. I want to show my parents I am not at school this week.”

And my favorite:

“Oh my God, there is Robert Pattinson. Oh wait. Nope it is not him. It’s only Cody Simpson.”

But words can do no justice to the Twihardery that went down last night in L.A., so after the jump I’ve got the stars, the celebrity guests (including the Ghosts of Teen Stardom Past) and the fans. Oh my Lord, wait til you see the fans.

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Aw, that’s exactly like my Twilight fan art. Some solid Photoshop work there too. -Thanks to Eibmoz for the tip.

MORNING LINKS
A-List Time Travel: Your Favorite Celebrities Re-Imagined in Different Eras |UPROXX|

This Is Art. Jersey Shore Performance Art |Warming Glow|

Walmart Closes MP3 Store, Nobody Cares |Smoking Section|

The Best Athletes and Other Stars from the 2011 Teen Choice Awards |With Leather|

Of Course There’s an Iron Man Porn Parody |Gamma Squad|

PICTURED: Al Pacino as Phil Spector.

Someone made a naked statue of Selena Gomez and J-Biebzz. |TheSuperficial|

David Thorne has a new post up. I haven’t read it yet, but really, do I need to? |27bSlash6|

I agree with Jeremy Irons and his stance on women’s bottoms. |Videogum|

Here’s Gia Maria McCool almost naked. I bet those are totally real. |GorillaMask|

They’re making a cologne out of Patton. Hope it smells like the guts I use to grease the treads of my tanks. |HolyTaco|

Jon Stewart rips on Newsweek for their dumb cover picture. |TheDailyWhat|

The story behind the giant inflatable rat at union protests. |MentalFloss|

When Bad Movies Happen to Good Actors |FARK|

Pop Culture’s 20 Greatest Dancing GIFs |Pajiba|

5 Ludicrous Jurassic Park Movie Vehicle Toys |Topless Robot|

Why Religious People Are Nerds |College Humor|

10 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real People |Buzzfeed|

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Breaking Dawn is a batsh*t insane book, so it shouldn’t be surprising that fans of it were also the first ones to line up for San Diego Comic Con 2011 just to get a glimpse at the actors and see two boring scenes from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 (AKA Snorkels the Vampire Fetus).  The good news is part 2 (in theaters November 2012) is probably the last movie in the theaters, at least until Summit decides to reboot it with even younger, paler leads.

As far as they know, Summit has no plans for further “Twilight” movies and/or spinoffs.“I think Stephenie [Meyer] is done with us,” Elizabeth Reaser, who plays Esme Cullen in the film saga said, referring to the author of the book series. [ThePlaylist]

Hallelujah.  So what other pearls of wisdom did the cast throw out to the 6,500 or so twihards in attendance at Hall H?

What was the cast’s reaction to the birth scene when they read it? Stewart: “I thought it was so cool; we really tried to go as hardcore as we could.” [Deadline]

Yeah, hardc0re!  *chugs Mountain Dew Code Red, crushes can on forehead, uses teeth to perform vampire baby c-section*

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