Julie Taymor’s dispute with the producers of Broadway’s Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark continues this week with a 46-page complaint filed Friday that’s as contentious as it is long. Taymor, who was fired from the show last March, is still seeking back pay, and more importantly for our purposes (the purposes of not being super bored), her complaint sheds some light on the internal Turn off the Dark emails (see what I did there?). There’s a lot to parse, but the gist of it is, Taymor (at least, according to Taymor) was doing her best to make the story work using Bono and Edge’s songs, but not surprisingly, some of their lyrics didn’t make a lot of sense, and they were never around to help re-write them. The complaint quotes an email from Taymor begging for their help working on the song.

A lot is happening. It is getting clearer. The show is running more smoothly. But clarity in the last third is still the issue. We are working hard on it. A major rewrite of LOVE ME KILL ME is happening. But we all believe that the BOY FALLS needs a major rethinking or rejiggering of the lyrics. . . . [I]t is too baffling for the audience. It does not clearly state where Peter is or is going.

On December 19, Taymor again wrote to Bono and Edge:

It is nine pm in NYC. I am just about to sit down to a home cooked meal. I have been at it on [Spider-Man] nonstop. Glen has as well. We are writing lyrics, lines of dialogue, changes in music–all in service to the ending, to clarity. We know what the story is, we understand the stakes–but we do not have the lyrics to support it. I would like to talk to you before midnight my time– after I eat– to go over the situation and beg for lyrics. We need you. It is not easy to change anything but now I think it is a matter of lyrical and musical changes — and perhaps cutting a scene or two from a second act.

Jeez, who would’ve ever thought the guy who once wrote “I want to reach out and touch the flame where the streets have no name” would have such a hard time telling a coherent story, huh? At some point after that, Bono and Edge (who, yes, is indeed referred to as “Edge” throughout the complaint and in private emails) started working with Taymor’s writing partner Glen Berger on a rewrite behind Taymor’s back, a plan they called “plan X.” I absolutely cannot get enough of two grown men calling themselves “Bono” and “The Edge” working on a super secret rewrite of a musical about Spider-Man that they’d named like it was the f*cking Enigma machine. Anyway, they apparently planned to tell Taymor about the plan one night, but Bono showed up drunk with supermodels instead:

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Stage actor Harry Lennix has taken to Huffington Post to write a lengthy screed/defense of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark director Julie Taymor, who was fired from the production a week before the scheduled opening. He decries her “unmerited and unprecedented persecution,” as if she was Jesus, or Hitler, and not a chick who directs musicals.

In my opinion, the producers of Spider-Man have found a convenient whipping girl to bear the brunt of any woes related to the production. They seem to have absolved themselves from accountability for the show’s production while reaping the benefit of the publicity surrounding the absurd decision to jettison the creative visionary behind it. In their minds, the fault couldn’t possibly lie with an untested Broadway producer, or the two all but absent rock star composers whose notoriety is derived from a completely different medium.

The “convenient whipping girl” part might be true, but I might also argue that the root of the problem was the original idea for a $60 million musical about Spider-Man with music by U2. And calling her “the creative visionary behind it” isn’t a great way to absolve her from that. Also, are you really going to criticize someone “whose notoriety is derived from a completely different medium” in a piece about A SPIDER-MAN MUSICAL?

Would a male director receive the lashing Julie has received? If it were a male director with the reputation and accomplishments of Julie Taymor I cannot believe in good conscience that this would happen in this way. Julie’s career is an unqualified success. She is a singular pioneer who deserves to be given as much freedom and support to create as any man with her accomplishments would be given. I marvel at this double standard. We are witnessing a situation where a woman is unceremoniously and illogically dismissed, treated with senseless hostility from her male employers, and nobody speaks in advocacy of her — not even women’s groups. It boggles the mind. [HuffPo]

If there’s one rhetorical strategy that needs to be put to bed, it’s this type of asinine hypothetical.  Here’s how it works: you take someone who’s receiving unquestionably-justified criticism, be it Julie Taymor, Chris Brown, Charlie Sheen, etc., and instead of defending their actions, which you know would be preposterous, you simply turn it around and ask “BUT WOULD WE HOLD A WHITE/BLACK/FEMALE/GAY/STRAIGHT/MAN/WOMAN TO THIS SAME STANDARD?!” and fold your arms as if you’ve just made some profound statement.  The answer, by the way, is almost always “yes.”  There’s no conspiracy.  Yes, Bono deserves to be ripped on for this just as hard (if he hasn’t, it’s only because people get bored with ripping on Bono), and when he does, you won’t see me defending him just because we’re both handsome rock stars.

Director Julie Taymor has left her $65 million Spider-Man musical just a week before the official opening night, so that’s going well.  No word yet on whether she quit or was fired, but she was definitely fired. Sources say that the producers are now considering pushing the official opening back until June, though they’ve already had a record 100, unofficial “preview” shows (which I guess is just code for “don’t complain if it still sucks”).  The delay will no doubt add to the show’s runaway budget, but should be hailed as a relief to the area’s understaffed emergency room doctors, who’ve been swamped with victims of “the spandex plague.”

“Actors are only allowed to rehearse a certain amount of time while performing on Broadway, so if they want to make some serious changes, they’re going to need to shut the show down for a good amount of time,” said NY1’s “On Stage” producer Frank DiLella. “That brings up the issue of money. The show is grossing $1.2 million a week.”
The show costs about $1 million a week to produce.
Sources say with Taymor out, the producers are considering pushing opening night of “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” back from next Tuesday to sometime in June.

This means the show would not be eligible for any Tony Awards this year.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

“It’s a shame. All that money wasted,” said one New Yorker. “And for U2, with the music.”

“I think the amount of money that’s been spent on this musical is obscene,” said another. “The whole thing is ridiculous. With the number of injuries, it’s just nonsense. Money should be spent feeding the homeless, taking care of the city. It’s a reflection of our culture and it’s an outrage.” [NY1]

Wait, I’m not sure how to feel about this yet, are there any more slack-jawed yokels nearby who you could ask for an opinion?  Maybe a cabbie, or a hot dog vendor?  Oh, local news, don’t ever change. “Eh, oh, I feel bad for da homeless, but especially for dat friggin’ Bono.  Shame on you, Julie Taymor.”

Boy, who would’ve thought a Broadway musical about Spider-Man with music by U2 would turn out to be such a bad idea, huh?

So yesterday, in honor of MLK’s birthday, I was sitting in my living room listening to Glenn Beck, plotting revenge against the blacks (I kid, I kid, I heard it on NPR when they were playing it down at the Chai Co-Op), when Beck took up the topic of the Spider-Man musical.  Julie Taymor’s Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark has taken a lot of heat lately for having to be re-written, for costing upwards of $60 million dollars, for being more dangerous than a Russian motorcross show, and most of all, for being a Broadway musical about Spider-Man with music by U2. (“IN THE NAAAAAAAME, OF WEBS/FLYIN HIIIIIIGH ON MY SPIDER WEEEEBS…”)

But Glenn Beck liked it, so at the very least, it must not glorify socialism or death panels or whatever. (audio clip after the jump)

“The New York elite, they’re not going to like this.  Everybody says Wicked is the one to go to — this is better than Wicked.  MUCH better than Wicked.

I’m telling you, mark my words, it’s being panned right now, but I’m telling you, you go buy your ticket, because when this thing opens, you will not be able to get tickets for a year.  This is the Phantom of the 21st century.  This is history of Broadway being made.  I sat next to the casting director by chance, and I told him, ‘You, sir, are a part of history.’”

“Don’t listen to those effeminate intellectuals, why watch a Spider-man movie at home on TV for free when you could spend 200 bucks to see it as a Broadway musical in a room full of gay guys?  …Wait, crap.  Perhaps we should’ve vetted this bit first…”

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(An artist's rendition of the incident)

We’ve been Peter Panning people across the theater stage for like 200 years now, haven’t we?  I’m pretty sure they had that at the play where Abe Lincoln died.  How do you spend $65 million on a play about Spider-Man and still get that part so wrong?

An actor performing an aerial stunt fell about 30 feet, fire officials said.

Firefighters were called to the Foxwoods Theatre at about 10:45 p.m. Monday after the 31-year-old actor fell near the end of the latest preview performance. He was taken to Bellevue Hospital with minor injuries, police said. Police did not release the actor’s name, but a performer in the show identified him as Christopher Tierney.  A nurse said Tierney was in stable condition, but would not provide details.

Tierney is the show’s main aerialist and performs stunts for the roles of Spider-Man, and the villains Meeks and Kraven.

The cable to Tierney’s harness snapped during a scene in which Spider-Man rescues his love interest, Mary Jane, the performer said. It was unclear if Tierney was properly harnessed when the cable snapped. The performer said the show’s actors are responsible for hooking themselves up to harnesses used for aerial stunts.

Oh sure, the actors hooking up their own harnesses, that’s a good plan.  If a teamster’s truck breaks down on a Zac Efron movie, guess who they don’t call to fix it: Zac Efron.

(there’s more, including video):

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