(Pictured: The Three Wolf Mafia)

Disclaimer: This installment of CoTW might be a little longer than usual, on account of everyone being pretty damn funny this week.  But I promise you won’t be disappointed, and usually I only promise the opposite of that.

The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below.  I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

We begin in the BEST TWO-SECOND PERFORMANCE GIF thread, aka THE LAST AIRPUNCHER thread.  I can’t decide which of these I like best:

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The movie adaptation of Tucker Max’s best seller I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, co-written by Tucker himself, is currently shooting in Louisiana.  There have been reports that the film is a disaster, followed by reports that whatever you’re just jealous.  Gawker (who it should probably be noted hates Tucker) recently published an account that they say is from Fark editor and former Tucker Max high school classmate Drew Curtis, who has a cameo in the movie.

Tucker is completely out of control. As he explained it to me, he’s spent so much of his life not having to report to anyone that it’s killing him having to work with other people. Judging from the agitation I’m seeing, that’s an understatement. The first day I was there, Tucker and Nils (the other screenwriter guy, who’s really the brains behind the operation) were in a heated argument in the corner. I asked Nils what it was about, he tried to downplay it. But from what I saw personally, this is a normal occurrence for Tucker.

Nils tells me that the actor playing Tucker, Matt, who really seems to have his shit together, is the complete opposite of Tucker (super nice guy, etc etc). I’ve spoken with Matt a few times and he really couldn’t be nicer to a guy who’s only got about 3 lines. Bob Gosse, the director, is the brains behind it and seems to butt heads with Tucker pretty much constantly.

Tucker apparently thinks that the actor playing him has to actually be him in real life. Or something. I have no idea what the deal is. To me it looks like Matt’s doing a fantastic job. I think Tucker’s just a control freak. He interferes constantly with the acting, the directing, even sometimes the lighting. He doesn’t know shit about any of this stuff.

And of course there’s an even more important issue at stake here, which is how this movie will effect my script for the You Got Served sequel, I Hope You Get Served – in Hell.  It’s edgier than the original.

Comedian Michael Ian Black has a book out, and to publicize it, he challenged Tucker Max (pictured) to a fight.  Max wrote the best selling I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, the movie adaptation of which is currently in production in Louisiana.  Black doesn’t sound serious, but Tucker accepted the challenge anyway. I really hope they fight, because the advice my dad gave me on his deathbed was that saying you’re going to fight and then not actually fighting is what queers do.  Black’s challenge:

So Tucker Max, you drunk, misogynistic motherfucker – I am officially calling you OUT! I am going to fist fuck every hole in your boozy little body until you crawl away like the sniveling little bitch that you are. YOU’RE DEAD!

Max’s response:

I’m completely serious. I’d LOVE to fight you.  I’ll even promise to show up drunk as shit. I’ll drink an unreasonable amount of alcohol before we fight–20 beers, 30 beers, whatever it takes to me plastered. And if you don’t think I’m drunk enough, I’ll keep drinking. As long as I am conscious and able to stand on my feet, I’ll fight you.  And here’s the kicker: If you beat me, I’ll give you the next royalty check from my book.  It should be about 150k, give or take agent fees and other things. I am completely serious.

Black’s response to Tucker’s response:

So Tucker Max has officially accepted my challenge to a fight. Good. That was the easy part. The hard part? Deciding exactly how I am going to rearrange his face. Will I pluck out an eye and stuff it up his nostril? Will I make him choke down his own tongue until he throws it up and then sit on his head and force him to lap up his own puke like a bad little puppy? Or will I simply knock out his teeth and then use them as Chinese death stars which I will then throw into his black heart? I just do not know. But I do know this: Tucker Max is going down. How do I know this? Because Tucker may have the athleticism, the muscles, the fighting skills, the experience, the guts, and the heart. But I have something he will NEVER have – I’m not sure what that is, but if I think about it long enough I will probably come up with something. I might be better at Scrabble, for example. (I also have one of the original pets.com sock puppets, which I’m sure he doesn’t have, and will never have, but I don’t think that will help me in the fight.)

This isn’t going to happen.  Which sucks, because when I write a book, I will definitely fight Tucker Max.  Or Michael Ian Black.  Or a homeless person. Or a scarecrow stuffed with chickens. I’m completely serious.  Really, I just like to punch things. 

Tucker Max is set to write a film based on his best-selling book about getting drunk and banging chicks, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. 

The film will follow his trip to a friend’s bachelor party, where he ensnares the groom in a lie that threatens the wedding, then abandons him to pursue further carnal knowledge [That's nerdspeak for porkin' - Ed.]. After being banned from the nuptials, Max attempts to get back into his friend’s good graces.

Max will co-write with Nils Parker; Bob Gosse will direct.  If you haven’t heard of those people, don’t worry, I’m not entirely convinced they exist.

Max’s road to the screen has been a long one. In 2003, he sold a TV pilot based on his site and book to Fox and then NBC, but rights quickly reverted back to him after a regime change. Three years later he sold the show to Sony, and Comedy Central bought the pilot, but the deal was canceled after a dispute with Sony about feature film rights. [Hollywood Reporter]

Yeah, that sucks, I hate selling the same thing like four times.  In related news, I’ve been asked to adapt FilmDrunk into a feature film.  The story involves a handsome movie blogger who saves a village from destruction by shielding it from an asteroid with his rock-hard abs.  Then, after the hero has pleasured the village’s nubile womenfolk into submission, he chops down the largest tree in the forest with his penis, and gives birth to a litter of kittens that never age.  Based on a true story.