When you spend the better part of a decade busting your ass to establish a reputation as the world’s greatest storytelling womanizer, you shouldn’t be too shocked when it sticks with you long after you’d like it to. At least that’s the lesson that frat god Tucker Max is learning now that he’s kind of, sort of trying to do something nice with the wealth and fame that he’s achieved since writing I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

Max contacted his friend and Forbes contributor Ryan Holiday recently, asking for advice on a charity that he could donate $500,000 to, in order to both reduce his tax burden and promote his latest books. Holiday suggested that Max donate the money to Planned Parenthood in Texas to have a clinic named after himself. And that’s when the joke machine exploded.

At first Planned Parenthood was on board and grateful, but then someone apparently taught them how to use Google and they called and offered Max and Holiday a hearty, “Thanks but no thanks, broseph.”

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The movies they release this time of year are so uninteresting that I decided to use this picture of a pro-Adam West demonstrator at the G20 instead of a picture of any of this week’s releases.  Seriously, Surrogates?  Who cares. Anyway, let’s get this mandatory post no one cares about out of the way, shall we? Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs landed on top again with a modest $24.6 million, while Surrogates and Fame kinda sorta bombed with $15 and $10 million.  And thank God Fame didn’t become a phenomenon, I can’t take it with the singing and dancing anymore.

Beyond that, The Informant! held well (-33% from week one), most analysts say because of the exclamation point, and Jennifer’s Body held better than most horror films (-49%), but didn’t magically become an un-bomb.  Plus it was competing against The Surrogates.  Pandorum, meanwhile, was a total bomb with $4.4 million in number six, but that’s what happens when you cast Cam Gigandet.  And because I’m sure you were all curious to know how the Tucker Max movie did, I’ll have to tell you about it because it didn’t make the top ten list below.  It was number 23 with $369,000 on 120 screens, for a per-screen average of $3,075, which actually isn’t horrible.  Reached for comment, a Tucker Max fan said, “Haha, 69!” and then date raped me. In his defense, I totally wanted it.

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Opening this weekend:

Fame
I’d see this, but I’m afraid it might cause me to flame.  Also, it looks lame.   Also, a kid does this in the trailer.  No gracias, fruity.

Pandorum
I’d like to see this, because Dennis Quaid has been making some solid career decisions of late and I’m sure this is no different.   But as many of you know, I suffer from a severe Cam Gigandet allergy.

Surrogates
You’ll never believe this, but Bruce Willis plays a cop… who bucks the system!  Don’t do it, Bruce, it could cost you your badge!

Capitalism: A Love Story
I’ll be honest, I don’t really get why people hate Michael Moore so much.  I mean, yeah, he’s fat, which is a perfectly acceptable reason, but as far as famous liberals go, that smug twat Rachel Maddow annoys me way more.  It’s like she expects a ticker-tape parade every time she makes a cute little joke that’s only funny if you went to Wesleyan.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Awww helll yeaah, dawg, it’s the Tucker Max movie release!  You knew this day would come!  Midgets and strippers and beer pong oh my!  This could be our last chance to live it up before law school!  Hey, I know they serve beers in hell, but you know what they don’t serve?  Queers.  Someone give me a fist bump.

After the jump I’ve got the red-band trailer (NSFW for brief boobies) for I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, adapted from the Tucker Max book by Tucker Max and Nils Parker, opening September 25th.  While I’d love to jump on either the Tucker Max-hates-womyn-and-promotes-a-rape-culture! bandwagon or the Tucker-Max-is-awesome-and-bangs-hella-chicks-bro! bandwagon, I saw this movie and the truth is somewhere in between.  Yeah, it’s kind of a poor-man’s The Hangover.  Yeah, the only Mexicans in it are a maid and the guys in jail.  Yeah, there’s an uptight wife and a hooker with a heart of gold.  Yeah, Tucker bones a deaf chick and that’s the entire joke.  Yeah, they spend way too long setting up a joke about pooping. Yeah, Tucker Max came to the Q & A drinking a Keystone. Where was I?  Oh right.  It exceeded my expectations (which were, shall we say, low).  Jesse Bradford is surprisingly decent as Tucker’s misanthropic nerd friend. Many of the jokes actually rely on wordplay, and a lot of the wordplay is actually good.  Hold on, did I just describe something Tucker Max did as not that bad?  Crap, he’s going to have sex with me now, isn’t he.
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The first trailer for the movie version of Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell has hit the web.  Tucker Max co-wrote the adaptation of his own book, in which the main character is Tucker Max, and this is one of the shots of him.  I desperately hope there’s something tongue in cheek about that.

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