(Prayin’/and shootin’/and drinkin’/and prayin’…)

I feel bad that I always piss off half the people that read this when I rip on Boondock Saints, but the sad truth of the matter is that movie chugs cornhole lint.  The sequel is out this weekend (you can see the first five minutes of it here), and that means the first reviews are starting to hit the web.  Yay, time to pile on!

This comes across less like “Taxi Driver,” and more like what Travis Bickle might have made if someone gave him a camera. It can be ugly. There’s a vaguely racist subtext to the films, with derogatory phrases used for blacks in the first installment and for Hispanics in the second. Cloaking vigilante justice (not to mention casual racism and homophobia) in religion eventually turns “Boondock Saints” from merely a bad movie to a distasteful one. -Jake Coyle for the AP

Connor, Murphy and their affectionately dubbed “greasy spic” kill wops with the help of Special Agent Bloom (Julie Benz). Together, they aim to settle a score that goes back to the “Saints”’ father (Billy Connolly), who made the mistake of trusting an Eye-talian (Peter Fonda, no less). But seriously, in case you missed the part where Murphy says—in Spanish no less—that Romeo is “with us,” never fear: beaners are all right in the boys’ book. -NY Press

The Boston Phoenix‘s review begins and ends with the same line: This is bullsh-t.

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This is the first five minutes of Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, opening in limited release October 30th. Here’s where you can see it (mostly on the coasts).

Oh Troy Duffy.  He never met a stupid movie cliché he didn’t try to sloppily date rape.  The movie begins with the two Irish brothers in hiding, where they’ve grown bushy beards and long hair — because that’s what people in hiding do.  Soon, they cut it all off to symbolize them coming out of hiding — because that’s what people coming out of hiding do.  And they do it all… SET TO A HOMO-EROTIC ROCK MONTAGE!  Hey, Tawmy, did you see da soap and fackin watah running down da crack of dat guys’ ass?  And he was all covahed in tattoos a somethin.  It’s gawt me so fackin’ hawt!  But not cuz I’m queah a nuthin.  Dis fackin movie rawks so hahd. Go Sawx!

The plot is basically that some bad guys killed the brother’s favorite priest.  So then the brothers are all:

“Didja hear dey shot da priest?”
“While ‘e was prayin’.”
“Mahther of marcy.”
“Well you know what we ‘ave to do now, dan’t ya?”
“Prayin’?”
“And shootin’.”

Then there’s a gratuitous flashback to the first movie crowbarred in there, because Troy Duffy was all “Hey, queahs, remembah how fackin’ great I was?  Let’s do shawts.”  Anyway, I can’t wait for this movie.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of watching a gorilla finger paint.

(“E spiritu santo, a salaam alaikum, go Sawks.”)

Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day has a poster, and surprise, it depicts praying and shooting.  Critics are already calling it the prayingest, most shooty movie of 2009.  All your favorite characters are back — chinstrap, Tawmy, Squeezebox, Harelip Steve — for the most eagerly anticipated sequel of Kappa Sig pledge week.

The sequel finds the brothers MacManus hiding out in Ireland from their bloody past. Boston isn’t quite finished with them however; the duo returns to right a wrong after they receive word of a murdered priest. [MTV]

Someone shot him??  While he was praying??  The dastard!  Anyway, you gotta love Troy Duffy.  He proves dumb people can be pretentious too.

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Boondock Saints was a movie that came out in 1999 and featured a lot of praying and killing people, as praying and killing people were all the rage back then.  The plot dealt with two Irish brothers who did a lot of the aforementioned things, acts which, when combined with gratuitous slo-mo and Willem Dafoe overacting, seemed full of significance if you were really high.  Ten years later we have the sequel, Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, and as you can see from the red-band trailer below, it has all of the praying and killing of the original, and this time, Willem Dafoe is a chick.  Oh, and it has awesome dialog. “Let’s do some gratuitous violence.”  Seriously, that’s one of the lines.

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I could tell you why Boondock Saints sucks till I’m blue in the face, but you can’t deny that even 10 years later the film has one of the most rabid cult followings in all of film fandom (Oh my God, bro, Irish dudes kill bad guys and then pray?  It’s like the War and Peace of comically self-important Punisher ripoffs!).  The long-gestating sequel, Boondocks Saints II: All Saints Day, will supposedly have a theatrical release November 1st (I’ll believe it when I see it), and writer/director Troy Duffy premiered the trailer at Comic-Con over the weekend.  Shortly afterwards, /Film was able to capture some reaction footage of the rare species known as the Boondock Saint fanatic in their natural habitat (the state of irrational excitement).  I could ridicule them for their crunchy hair and abundance of man-jewelry, but I sort of respect their willingness to let their freak flags fly.  They’re like the film version of Juggalos.  Duffalos, say.

PS – Anyone else find it weird that the white-looking dude is named Javier and the Latin-looking one is named Brian Sawyer? [more on the film over at /Film]