Following reports that studios have planned sequels for both the barely released Clash of the Titans and not-yet-released Tron Legacy comes the news of the sequel we’ve all been waiting for.  That’s right, I’m talking about Johnny  English 2.  *passes out, dumps pitcher of water on self to revive, makes faces for 15 minutes*

Oliver Parker (St. Trinian’s) is onboard to direct.  Hamish McColl — who wrote another Rowan Atkinson starrer, 2007′s Mr. Bean’s Holiday — penned the screenplay.
The 2003 comedy, which cost $40 million to make, earned a mere $26 million stateside, but did huge business overseas for a $161 million worldwide haul. [Variety]

Providing yet more evidence for my thesis, Foreigners Are Stupid and Ugly and Fly-Covered, Ew Gross.  If you needed a refresher on Johnny English, I attached two videos.  The top one, entitled, “The Funniest Scene from Johnny English,” and another below, entitled, “The Two Most Funny Moments from Johnny English.”  I haven’t seen the film, but if these are the funniest parts, I imagine it involves puppy slaughter.  Oh God, they’ve greenlit another puppy slaughter movie, haven’t they.  Please, think of the puppies.

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Jay Maynard, aka Tron Man, who’s a computer consultant (shocking, I know), has been forced to sell his private plane on eBay due to the tightening economy.  I can’t believe this guy used to own his own plane. He must’ve had to beat the pussy off with a lightsabre. |Wired|

Universal bought the rights to Larry Doyle’s novel outline for a novel Go Mutants!, “a teen comedy/adventure set in a high school where all of the tropes from classic 1950s alien invasion movies came true. Years later, the children of those mutant creatures have assimilated among the other kids.”  Hopefully it’s as good as the film adaptation of Doyle’s other novel, I Love You, Beth Cooper, which is perhaps most generously described as a cinematic skid mark. |Variety|

Cher is set to play Christina Aguilera’s mentor in Burlesque, a film about “an ambitious small-town Iowa girl with a big voice who comes of age in a neo-burlesque club on Sunset Boulevard.”  So these burlesque places actually exist?  Are they like strip clubs for gay guys?  Drag shows with girls?  Anyway, I liked this when it was called Coyote Ugly.  Wait, no I didn’t. |Variety|

Kevin Lima has been hired to direct Frank, a modern retelling of Frankenstein, centering on “a teenage prodigy who’s on the cutting edge of cell research in medical school. After several unsuccessful attempts at socializing with her peers, she decides to use her scientific prowess and piece together a friend out of the med school’s instructional cadavers.”   Fingers crossed Mickey Rourke plays Frank, who’s always trying to get her to have a beer and pet his dogs.  |Empire|

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Canadian FilmDrunkard Al recently directed my attention to a Vancouver Sun article – buried halfway down in it was the news that Disney’s Tron sequel (called Tr2n, Tron 2.0, or just Tron, depending on whom you ask) has a budget of $300 million – which would make it the most expensive movie ever made. (list of the top 10 most expensive after the jump).

Vancouver post-production units are salivating at the prospects presented by the Disney remake of Tron, which carries a whopping $300 million budget and opportunities aplenty for effects and digital polish. The 1982 version of the film starring Jeff Bridges blazed new trails in computer graphics and you can bet Tron 2.0 will push much further down the pixel path.

The figure sounded fishy, especially since Time misreported James Cameron’s Avatar budget as $300m a couple weeks ago (supposedly they meant to say $200 million).  I called the Sun reporter to see where he got the figure from, and he said it was “a reported figure.”  I couldn’t find any report that listed the budget as $300m, so I called the production publicist, who said she didn’t have that information.  I’m guessing that if the reporter thinks he got his figure from a mainstream source, and I can’t find that source, then he was probably mistaken.  Ergo: Guessing = 1, Reporting = 0.  Let this be a lesson: trying is the first step towards failing. I’ll never make this mistake again.  *cuts off pinkie*

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^{“Ask me about my crotch bulge”}

The makers of the Tron sequel, previously known as Tr2n, have decided that replacing letters with numbers is so se7en years ago.  According to Production Weekly, the new title is TRZ.  Because X’s are played out and vowels are what fags do.

“After being transported into the surreal landscape of a mainframe computer to destroy an intruder, a programmer finds himself allied with the leader of a rebellion against a corrupt cyber-entity.”

Little else known about the project, in which Jeff Bridges will reprise his role as Flynn, and which will be shot in 3-D (or possibly hypercolor).  I think they should make it a buddy cop movie about Tron Man and this guy. “Aww hell naw! Don’tchoo eva touch a LARPer‘s radio,” vagina-face man would say.

[via /Film]

After the jump, I’ve got the bootleg video of the teaser from Tron 2 (yes, it’s actually called Tr2n) from Comic-Con.  Here’s some douche from Gizmodo about to jizz his shorts over it:

It’s a tiny bootleg video, but I don’t care. You can see that the 3D looks amazing, the new lightcycles are stunning (and move like real bikes), the world and the whole mood is Batman-like dark. And Jeff Bridges… well, he is Jeff Bridges. What can I say, he looks like a badass version of the Dude. ‘

Yes, it’s weird how actors can sometimes resemble themselves and the characters they’ve played.  Anyway, Calling this video a "bootleg" is an insult to bootleggers, who were providing fine black market alcohol to the masses during prohibition.  Compared to that, watching this is like huffing paint thinner through a dirty sweatsock.  Did this guy even know he was filming?  Or was he just going for the Oops I sat on the camera button aesthetic?  I could shoot clearer video from the inside of a washing machine.